Why I Suck

Awful Advertisements

2012-02-13T10:57:00.002-06:00

Am I the only one that does care to see animated
babies with diapers full of shit?

Advertisers usually don't understand me...or at least they do not make ads and commercials that appeal to me. In fact, not only do they not attract me to the product, but they actively turn me against the product. I don't hate commercials. Yes, I often skip them as much as possible when watching shows on DVR, but I am also known to rewind and watch a commercial if something catches my eye. However, instead of making me want to buy a product commercials today often make me avoid it instead (and if I really like a commercial, I will probably support the product - that just doesn't happen often). A good example would be the Hardees commercials where basically they insinuate you are not a man if you aren't eating their thickburger, mega-four patty burger with a pound of cheese and bacon. I guess I am not man, because I could never eat that much. I loved the slider mini-burgers that Hardees offered, but once the new ad campaign started Hardees never entered my mind because I didn't want the thickburger. I didn't feel like the customer that they wanted (and I believe they discontinued the sliders shortly thereafter because they didn't fit in their new manly approach).

The current* commercial that drives me nuts...LUVS. Of course not having a child, I am not the audience that they are trying to reach...but I really can't imagine who this ad is supposed to entice. It is mildly more entertaining than a traditional diaper commercial...the first time...but it filled me with anger once the initial shock was over.

I thought this was a new ad, but I guess it has been around for over a year.

Yes, you heard that right..."Poop, there it is." And the babies are having a shitting contest. "What happens in diapers, should stay in diapers." "Heavy Dooty Blowout Protection." Really Luvs? Everything about this ad is distasteful to me. I respect you for trying something new, but this doesn't quite do it. I'm glad I didn't have to see a diaper having blue liquid poured into it, but listening to a modified Tag Team song is even worse. I hate this commercial so much.

I am not the only one either...doing a quick search this ad made many "Worst Ad of 2011" lists...I just had not seen it until a few days ago.

*One of many...the AT&T cell phone "So 46 seconds ago" commercials make me want to punch people in the face. Charmin bears piss me off because everyone knows that bears use rabbits. Those ads on facebook that say "Bet you are too dumb to pass this quiz." Anything with the Carfox. etc...

I Laugh So That I Don't Cry (not really)

2012-02-02T10:36:00.000-06:00

I logged onto the interwebicon this morning and up pops Yahoo! (one of the 3 options dictated by work), I was confronted by the following image:

All I could think was "Ughhh." I am not the biggest Motley Crue fan in the world, but I do enjoy them (except their cover of Anarchy in the U.K. - really Vince, could you say the end "DESTROY" in a less tough sounding way?). Escpecially, I enjoy the song Kickstart My Heart. That song does exactly what it says, it is just like a feel good, make you get going song. It is energizing.

I knew this commercial was going to have this song...what else could it be. Now, I don't hate the Kia Optima...it seems like a decent, cheap mid-sized sedan. However, it is not the car that would ever pop into my mind when I think of Kickstart My Heart. Full of trepidation, I click the link and watch the video. It is actually pretty funny and at least there wasn't dancing hamsters. I'm not gonna say they sold out...because that is just dumb, if I had the chance, I would totally be Wayne's World and be going "Nuprin? Little. Yellow. Different." every single chance I got. Not a sell out, good job making money, I say to the Crue. It is just a strange fit to my mind, but then I guess people don't really write songs about low end, midsize sedans. I guess I do have to say thanks to Kia for not using Train's Hey Soul Sister (as that has been in way to many commercials) or Limp Bizkit's Nookie (as that is one of the worst songs of all time).

Snoopy...Drop the Weapon and Put Your Hands Up!

2012-01-26T15:01:00.001-06:00

I hate inflatable holiday decorations...OK, that is not completely true. I don't mind if someone has like one tasteful one (ie...not Santa riding a Harley). However, one seems to be rare to find. Once a person puts up one inflatable holiday decoration, it seems that they feel the compulsion to put up 2 or 3 more...or even worse be like my grandma's neighbor who had no less than 11 inflatables on the lawn this Christmas.

But this isn't a story about why I don't care for the inflatables (lazy, unoriginal, gaudy), this is a story about me being completely confused by one. I was shopping at Sears (damn straight I was seeing the softer side...in the tool aisle) when I saw a shelf of this inflatable Snoopy in the holiday clearance section.

Awww...isn't that cute. Santa Snoopy. I walk past, head for the check out and all of a sudden my brain goes "What the fuck was he holding?" Seriously, what is it....

I turned around and went back, I looked at it for a few minutes. I called over Angie to see what she thought about it and she was just as confused as I was. Here are the things that popped into my head while staring at the box for 20 minutes;

A German Stick Grenade

A Giant Mutant Clove

The Liberty Torch

Marijuana Bud

Some Weird Green Flower

A Sap/Blackjack

Holy Water Sprinkler - I'm sure this has a name but I don't know it.
OK, just looked it up...it is an Aspergillum.

Flashlight

Eventually, I made my purchase and went home without an answer. This bothered me for days, but suddenly it dawned on me. A bell. The answer is so obvious, but yet nothing about that says bell to me. It's green, it looks like it has petals, etc... I guess a bell doesn't immediately say Christmas to me...well at least not a handheld bell. Sure, the Salvation Army uses them, but when I think Christmas and bells it is always like sleigh bells or church steeple bells. If it was yellow, gold, silver, or grey; I might have thought bell. I confirmed my suspicions a few days later on a return trip to Sears and then an interwebicon search of the UPC. Santa Snoopy with Bell. All, I know is that Snoopy better be darn careful if every confronted by cops. This sort of confusion is likely to get a beagle shot.

Missing a Stuffed Tiger

2012-01-19T13:24:00.000-06:00

Growing up, most newspaper comic strips sucked. I like Garfield and Peanuts when I was 7-10 years old or so, but I tired of them. There rest just didn't interest me: B.C., Marmaduke, Rex Morgan MD, Blondie, etc...and then of course The Family Circus is there just waiting to suck. I would read over all the comics, because I they were comics and I was a kid...I was supposed to like them right? But I didn't. Sure some, like Bloom County, were way over my head, but mostly I just didn't think comic strips were funny and was unable to relate to most. I did not see myself reflected...not even in the all-American Family Circus Keane family. Thankfully, there was The Far Side to keep me entertained with geek and wiener dog jokes. But The Far Side wasn't on "the comics" page in our newspaper, so it always seemed separate from the rest. I read The Far Side and spent about 10 seconds on the rest of the comics page.

That changed when Calvin & Hobbes appeared. I am not sure when exactly that happened in our local paper, but would guess sometime in 1986. Calvin made sense...a wild imagination, making huge messes, questioning his parents, often in trouble, and had a best pal stuffed animal (mine was a monkey). I could easily identify with Calvin and his adventures were a joy to read. Even more than just relating, Calvin was often times laugh out loud funny. I read Calvin and Hobbes religiously for years until I went to college. During college my dorm "house" had a subscription to the paper, but rarely was it actually available...someone always got up early to grab it and check sports scores and it almost never made it back to our lounge for others to read. I lost touch and only caught a strip here and there.

I was completely shocked when I returned home sometime during my junior year and discovered that Calvin and Hobbes was over. I didn't know what happened, I thought my paper had canceled it and I was pissed. It wasn't until I headed back to school that I found out that creator/writer Bill Watterson had retired Calvin and Hobbes before it devolved into an unoriginal, humorless, formulaic strip. I also recently found out that he lost some interest, too and wanted to try oil painting. You have to respect and admire someone willing to walk away from a large paycheck in order to keep your art from falling into mediocrity and pursue other interests. That is a tough thing to do....but it isn't the only time that Bill took a stand.

I can't believe that Charles Schulz
would approve of this shirt that my
friend Dani happened upon (and was
rightly horrified by).

I've always respected Bill for not licensing Calvin and Hobbes (except for a couple calendars in the late 80s). It made the comic strip special, since it was the only place to see them...you didn't see a stuffed plush Hobbes in the stores, you didn't see the Calvin & Hobbes & Friends cartoon on Saturday morning, you didn't didn't see t-shirts in the mall with Calvin and his G.R.O.S.S. (Get Rid Of Slimy girlS) sign, and you didn't see the Calvin and Hobbes McDonalds Happy Meal toys. Unfortunately, all you see is bootleg decals of Calvin pissing on one thing or another...or even worse Calvin praying to the cross (hmmm, promoting your Christianity by using a stolen image...especially of a character that didn't pray in the comic...seems like some kind of hypocrisy). If you didn't read the comic, you didn't see Calvin and Hobbes - which created a special relationship between the reader and the strip...it was more like being friends that would meet for a few minutes each morning instead of a feeling of being bombarded by merchandising. At the beginning, I really would have loved a stuffed Hobbes but in the long run, I am glad that my memories solely revolve around the comic strip and not a toy. Calvin and Hobbes was huge. Bill Watterson could have made a fortune by licensing Calvin and Hobbes...but he didn't want it to seem like the comic was just to sell toys, he didn't want to cheapen dilute his work, or have it transformed into something that he didn't agree with. Thanks Bill I really appreciate your strength, it really inspires me to do the right thing instead of taking the easy money route.

This is all lead up to me saying that I finally got around to purchasing The Complete Calvin and Hobbesbook(s). This book had been on my wishlist since it was published in 2005...but it is not a cheap book, MSRP $150, but usually around $100 on Amazon. I didn't think $100 for 10 years of comics was a bad deal but still it was tough to justify...so I asked for it for Christmas several years in a row. No one bit...I was sad but it is understandable, most people don't think of books as great presents. A couple weeks ago, I randomly happened to notice that the book was available through my credit card rewards program AND I had enough points. I ordered it and eagerly waited for it to arrive. Dang media mail...something shipping from Missouri shouldn't take 2 weeks. It was torture. I would rush home every night only to see my front porch empty of boxes. Finally, just when I was ready to contact the company and say that it never arrived, it showed up.

I wasn't sure what to expect...I had avoided looking at this in the store because I knew that would lead to buying it immediately (and at the $150 price tag). After opening the box, I immediately regretted not getting this set sooner. First off, it is huge - 3 volumes weighing in at a total of 22.5 pounds, books are large format at 12.5 x 11 inches. Comics are spaced out and don't feel cramped. There is enough space between strips that you will not spoil future strips while reading the current strip. Each books is a little under 500 pages...think about that, nearly 1500 pages of Calvin and Hobbes. The quality is pretty good, hardbound, and binding seems strong. I can't tell if it has a complete stitched binding or if it is glued in sections and then stitched but it seems pretty durable. The pages themselves are heavy stock paper and feel very solid sturdy. A well made book and a well laid out collection. Most pages have 3 daily strips with Sunday strips getting their own page, other C&H art work appear randomly throughout...the kind of drawings that would appear on the covers of the previous collections. My only complaint is that each book has a square picture on the front and back covers...these are mounted on top of the covers, instead of being inlaid so that they are flush with the covers. I fear that some day the corners of these pictures will start to catch and peel.

I am very impressed with this collection and even though I have only made it through a couple months worth of strips so far, it evokes a strong feeling of nostalgia. The introduction by Bill gave a little history about how Calvin & Hobbes came about and developed and why it ended. It was nice to hear the story from the author and some of his thoughts. Starting to read Calvin and Hobbes was like slipping back into step with my childhood friends. Welcome back, you guys were missed. I look forward to reading all about our adventures we enjoyed together and the ones that I missed.

photo by platypus comix

Next stop...I will be heading to The Complete Far Side.

Please Don't Kill the Interwebicon

2012-01-18T09:00:00.002-06:00

The US Senate is considering legislation that could/would destroy the internet as we know it - in the name of helping the entertainment industry fight piracy. I can sympathize with the entertainment industry...piracy is not a good thing and I am sure it sucks to see something you made being pirated. But I also don't trust the entertainment industry to be the police of the internet and with the accused afforded no protections. After all, Viacom/MTV sued youtube for videos that they uploaded themselves. With new legislation any site accused of copyright infringement or even linking to a site with copyright infringement could be shut down. Permanently.

Of course they say that is not the intent.

The language of the legislation (PIPA and SOPA) is overly broad and vague. It seems to have been written with little input from experts. When experts and dissenters tried to speak out they were not allowed...or were brushed off.

Once given the power, it will be used and abused to its utmost. Just look at the PATRIOT ACT...many of those provisions have been used overwhelmingly for everything besides fighting terrorism and now it seems impossible that we will every be rid of it. These bills have the power to undo everything that is great about the interwebicon...and do this just to protect the interests of a few extremely rich people who paid congress $94 million dollars to write this legislation.

Please contact your Senators and Representatives.

The Fluffness of the Fluff

2011-11-23T09:13:00.001-06:00

After Jack's funeral the other week, we went to the traditional repast/luncheon. It was a potluck style affair where (I believe) food was brought by various funeral attendees and church members. I really like the idea of a potluck, but unless there is some sort of organization and assignment of types of dishes it always ends up being very light on actually entree type foods and very heavy on pasta salads and desserts. I understand, they are easy to make and delicious...but a well balanced meal this does not create. It also leads to some mystery dishes...what is up with that dish of strange looking peas? Oh, it is some kind of tuna surprise, who would have guessed peas would taste like tuna - thanks to Kelly for trying this so that I didn't have to. But then again I brought nothing (I didn't know about it) and I was eating free food, so it hard to complain too much.

mmmm fluff
(Photo courtesy of mjecker)

This disproportionality of desserts leads to the dilemma of choosing which fluff to take...because you know there are going to be several. I wouldn't say that I am an expert on fluff...but I am definitely a connoisseur and this luncheon offered a wide variety. I decided not to choose one, I would martyr myself by taking a serving of each fluff and declaring a winner of the informal Jack's Fluff Challenge - so that all other diners would be able to make an informed fluff decision. This is the sacrifice that I make for you, readers and diners. I counted seven varieties and the ingredients and textures varied widely.

The first contender was the fruit salad fluff - this is the fluff that has a lot of apples, grapes, strawberries, nuts, etc... This is probably the most healthy of all the fluffs due to the high fruit content, but that same content also throws off the texture. It is way too chunky to be a proper fluff...it was dismissed (although tasty).

Second came a couple of red fluffs...I was hoping the darker one was raspberry but both were strawberry. Both were OK, but nothing special. One was not mixed well enough, the ingredients weren't well distributed throughout. The second's texture was good but the flavor was blah...I am not sure what happened here, but it just didn't have much taste...even slickery jello blobs could not make up for a lack of flavor.

Next came a yellow fluff with caramel sauce. I wasn't sure exactly what this was, but it ended up having chunks of mini-Snickers and other candy bars in it. A very good fluff overall...but the fluff didn't really have much taste besides the candy bars (I think a banana cream pudding mix, could have really pumped this one up to another level).

Finally, came the green fluffs. Pistachio is the Cadillac of fluffs...but every once in a while someone sneaks a lime flavored fluff in there and it is just confusing and not right. The lime fluff was out - it might have been good in it's own right but when disguising yourself as pistachio my expectations made you taste horrible. The finally two fluffs...both Pistachio, both with pineapple, one had nuts and mini marshmallows, the other didn't...but the main difference was the consistency. One was super light and fluffy...the other was more thick and runny, almost looking like straight pistachio pudding instead of fluff.

I figured the light and fluffy one would win hands down because the other just looked like a mess. It was good, but the runny pistachio fluffy was excellent. Maybe it wasn't cut with as much marshmallow fluff or cool whip...maybe it was mixed too much and all the whipped in air escaped concentrating the flavor. I don't know why, but the flavor of the was just so much deeper and with the perfect balance of pineapple. If it was a little lighter with this taste it would be darn near perfect.

Pistachio Fluff - the most delectable of fluffs.
(Photo courtesy of Secrets of a Southern Kitchen - recipe also available)

Green Pistachio Fluff Wins!

Loss of a Good Man

2011-11-16T09:46:00.001-06:00

Last week, my step-grandfather passed away. Jack Hennessey, was a great person to have known for the past 18 years. It is strange to think that I have known him longer than my biological grandfather who died when I was 13. Unfortunately, even though I have known him longer, I did not get to know him as well. College, career, etc...got in the way and I only was able to see him a few times a year, usually during holidays when it was a busy time for everyone. It might not have as deep of a relationship as was possible, but I couldn't help but like, respect, and admire Jack.

Jack served in both the Army and Navy when he was young, and then moved to the small town of Manilla, IA to practice medicine in the mid-1940s. Jack was known as "Doc" to everyone in town. He was one of the main doctors in town for almost 50 years...and not just a doctor, but a country doctor that would make house calls and such. He also had his own practice, worked at the local hospital, volunteered for school sports and community events. Doc delivered over 2000 babies in his practicing years...almost anyone you meet from the Manilla area seems to know and/or was delivered by Doc. I've had this conversation several times with several different people:

Me: "I headed to my grandparents house in Manilla for the holidays."

Random Person: "Hey, I'm from that area...who's your grandparents?"

Me: "Jack & Lu Hennessey."

Random Person: <look of deep thought, then smiling> "You mean Doc? I was delivered by him."

Jack pursued everything he like with zest and pride. His children and grandchildren, Music, reading, Catholicism, Ireland, and the University of Iowa (his Alma Mater) were just a few of the things he enjoyed and you could tell from anywhere in the house that these were some of his passions. Photographs, records, books, Irish and Hawkeye mementos abounded.

Jack was paralyzed at the waist in 1998 after surgical complications, but that didn't stop Jack from being Jack. He harbored no anger or bitterness and continued to live the best and fullest life that he could. Jack was the type person that makes a great role model for all others. Live life to the fullest, be happy, do good, and have no regrets.

Unfortunately, Jack's health had been declining the last few years. He had been in and out of the hospital a few times over the past year and went in for the last time a couple weeks ago. It is sad, but with his failing health he was ready. There was enough warning of the end that most of his children were able to fly in and say goodbye. Jack was 93.

I know it will be a hard time for my grandmother and I feel sad for her...but I also know that she is the kind of strong person that can handle this grief and continue to live a happy life. Grams, if you need anything...your entire family is here to help.

Jack, you will be missed.

Why I Haven't Gone Blu

2011-11-04T10:00:00.002-05:00

I had a friend tell me a few months ago that "You just have to get a Blu-ray player!" Said person was shocked when I told him that A) I don't see the point, and B) Have no plans to get one unless it happens to be built into another product that I buy like a PS3 or a new computer. "But they're awesome..."

Not really.

"You just like watching movies in the theater instead." This is true, but that is irrelevant and besides my point. First let me point out the fact that this person didn't get a DVD player until 2006 or 2007. I'm not saying that is a good or a bad thing, but I find it hard to believe that someone who all of a sudden thinks himself as a home theater after being anything but for the past 30+ years.

My main problem with Blu-ray is that they are marketing same features that they used to market DVD back in 1997. Nowadays, Blu-ray editions come with all the cool features...extended editions, uncensored versions, delete scenes, making of documentaries, director commentaries, behind the scenes info, special web links, etc... which is all fine but none of which is requires Blu-ray over DVD. In fact, when it first debuted DVD had all these features...but now the entertainment industry wants you to buy all the movies you already own on DVD in the newer Blu-ray, DVDs are coming with less and less...you are lucky to get the theatrical trailer. Heck, remember when DVD used to promote the fact that you could switch angles and stuff due to the dynamic branching technology? When was the last time a DVD actually came with this option? I haven't seen one in years and years...not because they can't do it, they just don't want to promote DVDs. I don't really feel like supporting a product because of all these bonus features that the studios won't even support in a couple years...plus all this stuff is just extras anyways. They are nice to have, but not necessary. I might watch the extras once but probably never again. I don't watch most of the stuff on my DVDs, so why would I think that I would actually watch it on Blu-ray? For me, it was just sad to see an industry drop support for something that my promoted so hard just a short while ago (I know they didn't drop all support, they are obviously still making DVDs)...it just hammered it home that it really is all about money and forcing new formats on customers just to make them buy the same movie again.

But it isn't just that...I don't feel that the upgrade is worth it. I guess that DVD resolution and graphics seem good enough for me at the moment. I don't really need a film that was made 25+ years ago to be in 1080p. It doesn't add that much to 99% of films. There are some films that better, crisper graphics might add a little bit to the experience...but I think it is unnecessary for most. Even more than that...I think a lot of movies that weren't originally shot in HD but have been cleaned up for the higher resolution look creepy. Not just really old movies either. I saw someone watching an HD version of Pineapple Express a few months ago and it just looked wrong. For a film like that, I expect the kind of hazy, not totally clear background that the movie had in the theater. Watching it this time everything was way too crisp. It left me with a very different experience...and not for the better. Better graphics just for the sake of (supposedly) better graphics doesn't interest me that much. If it adds up to a richer, fuller experience I am all for it...but so far, I just don't see that with many movies. Maybe if some more talented filmmakers were using deep focus techniques for good use more often, I could see more benefit of the highest definition...but usually graphics are just used in place of a story (*cough* Transformers *cough*).

DVD had better graphics than previous formats (although I still think some of my laserdiscs had a lot better graphics than some early release DVDs)...but the jump in the graphics between VHS was much, much larger than the graphics jump from DVD to Blu-ray. Although better graphics were a top selling point, the convenience factors were a bigger one for me...sturdy, easily portable and easy, quick navigation while watching were bigger factors for me than just graphics. Maybe not initially as I was young and dumb, but these are the factors that I quickly came to appreciate...Blu-ray does not have any upgraded convenience features. In fact it is even more inconvenient due to lack of Blu-ray players. For example, they don't make a Blu-ray car player yet and your friend down the street might not have a Blu-ray player so you can't share as easy. So really all I see as a benefit is the upgraded graphics...hey Hollywood, how about better stories?

Right now for me the benefits do not outweigh the cost...especially when the end of physical formats is probably not too many years away and everything will soon be streamed on demand. It seems more effort than it is worth. Do I need to buy a bunch of movies that I have already bought on VHS, laserdisc, and DVD again just to have slightly better definition? No I don't think so. However, if I do end up getting a Blu-ray for some reason, I would probably buy newer movies in Blu-ray...but would probably save a little money on older releases and just get the DVD version (you can only make Evil Dead look so good).

Rime of the Ancient Milkmen

2011-10-20T16:09:00.001-05:00

I first encountered The Dead Milkmen when I was in sixth grade. My older brother, brought home a vinyl copy of Big Lizard in My Backyard. I wasn't sure what to think at first, most of the rest of his albums were "alternative" style music Violent Femmes, U2, REM (remember back when they were both alternative?) or heavy metal like Megadeth or Metallica...but this cartoony garish green and yellow cover didn't really seem to fit in with the rest. Honestly, it still sticks out every time I flip through my records 25 years later. I was intrigued and as soon as he went out, I grabbed the album and played it straight through...several times.

The Dead Milkmen reminded me of a more subversive, more adult version of Weird Al Yankovic. The Dead Milkmen are difficult to describe, their music can run the gambit of styles but they are most often described as a "satirical punk band." I could see that in the early days, but I think their music has long developed past the point of just being called punk. Of course, to me punk has always referred to the 1970s punk like the Sex Pistols and the Ramones or the 80's hardcore Dead Kennedy and Black Flag. I guess if you apply the punk label to such things as Green Day and The Offspring...then yes I guess they were punk.

Oddly jangly guitars, a quick wit, and an odd turn of phase...probably my favorite being "You wear black clothes, say you're poetic. The sad truth is you're just pathetic" which really struck a chord within me at the dawn of the goth movement - The Dead Milkmen quickly became one of my favorite bands. They are great to sing along to on long road trips with friends and can just pick you up when life has got you down...Life is Shit is total catharsis.

I have always felt there have been two different kinds of Dead Milkmen songs - Rodney songs and Joe songs (my feeling on this was confirmed when I just recently looked up the band on wikipedia). This belief came about originally by who sang on the songs, but it became more and more obvious, that these songs were usually written by one or the other. Rodney songs are usually more spoken word type rants (think Stuart) that are often very blunt and very funny. On the other hand, Joe songs are much more melodic and have more emotional depth and are more subtle in their humor...they are still hilarious but you have to listen a little closer (this Silly Dreams - this is my favorite Dead Milkmen song...how many songs do you know about cat vomit and robbery that are wistful and longing for love). When I was young, I was a big fan of Rodney songs, but as I grew older I connected much more on the Joe songs.

The Dead Milkmen pretty much had only one hit, called Punk Rock Girl in 1988...but even that was a minor hit (we are not talking Platinum albums here). A few others songs received very minor play on Mtv but Punk Rock Girl was their pinnacle. Sure every frat boy seemed to know Bitchin' Camaro...but did they ever listen to anything else? During the early 90's the Dead Milkmen released two albums through Hollywood Records (instead of their normal Restless Records) - Soul Rotation and Not Richard But Dick. These albums were mostly Joe albums...more musical, more subtle. Most DM fans that I knew hated these albums, but after a couple listens they quickly became some of my favorite. I would highly suggest you get them.

After one more album released on Restless Records, The Dead Milkmen decided to break-up in 1995. It was a sad day. It was even sadder when Dave Blood (the bassist) committed suicide in 2004. But this post exists at this time for two reasons:

Reason #1) The Dead Milkmen released a new album in March called The King In Yellow. 16 years after their last album and when you hear those first few chords your brain will instantly know that it is the Dead Milkmen. It is a pretty good album, mostly Rodney type songs and just good old Milkmen oddness. If you are a fan, I would suggest you pick it up. I hadn't heard anything about this album and just happened to randomly go to the Dead Milkmen website and saw that it had just came out. I hadn't been to the DM website in years, so obviously it was fate. Glad to see you guys back. I am not sure why it is called The King in Yellow. I assume it has some kind of connection to the early horror novel by Robert W Chambers...but I haven't read it so, I don't see the connection. Although I like the music (Meaningless Upbeat Happy Song), I don't really care for the cover...seems too forced.

Reason #2) Joe Jack Talcum (AKA Joe Genaro, AKA Butterfly Joe, AKA Joe the guitarist/singer from Dead Milkmen) will be playing at the Maintenance Shop in Ames tomorrow night (Friday 10/21/11) 9pm. I think tickets are like $12. Although I don't necessarily agree with this statement on the M-Shops website "Joe Jack Talcum was in 90s powerhouse The Dead Milkmen" - I am not disagreeing that he was in the Dead Milkmen but that DM could be called a 90's powerhouse. I saw the Dead Milkmen live once in the early 90s and it was a great show. Joe has been through Iowa several times since with his side project bands or just solo...unfortunately, I always fine out about it a few days after. I do know that he plays a lot of Dead Milkmen songs as wells as a selection from his various other bands. It will be an entertaining show.

Zombie Burger

2011-10-13T14:33:00.000-05:00

The other night, Angie and I decided to give Zombie Burger a try since we would be in the area. Being a fan of zombies in general, I have been wanting to try it since it opened a couple months ago, but this was the first time that it was really convenient...and it is October after all. This isn't just a slapdash mash-up of pop culture icons. Zombie Burger is the creation of Chef George Formaro...you may know him from such local ventures as Centro and Django, among others. If there is one thing that I have learned over the years, the food he creates is always excellent. So what exactly is Zombie Burger? It is a fun artisan/gourmet burger joint. Think of a Red Robin but hipper and with zombies and humor. They are not gourmet burgers, they are "goremet".

The restaurant was brighter than I thought it would be. I was expecting all black walls with tinted windows...I figured they would go all out with the zombie theme and the whole place would be dark and dreary. It was really quite pleasant with walls that were a bright green or a muted, neutral tan-grey. The zombie theme was immediately evident with a couple large zombie murals, chain link fence, and industrial aluminum grates partially covering the windows..."to keep the zombies out or to keep them in," I wondered. But it wasn't over done...the zombies were definitely just accents. The zombies were evident but not overwhelming, which I think is better for the long term success. Tables, chairs, tableware were all simple but nice. I wasn't expecting cloth napkins but that is always a nice touch...just because you are serving zombie flavored food doesn't mean that you can't be all fancy and stuff.

The menus looked like newspaper, with all articles relating to zombies. I didn't get a chance to read it all because A) I was hungry and wanted food...braaaaains, B) we were on time schedule. But the parts I did read were hilarious. My favorite part was in the Advice Column and the article started off something like "Dear Bill, my boyfriend recently became a zombie (his ex-girlfriend is a zombie, so I am pretty sure that's where he got it)." It cracked me up. The whole thing was full of jokes and sometimes subtle humor. It was done really well.

Zombie Burger offers the following on their menu:

Appetizers - the normal stuff like fries, cheese curds, fried pickles, etc... I was a little disappointed that they no longer carry onion rings, but they did have the fried brussel sprouts that piqued my interest (and their fries are supposedly delicious too).

Soylent Greens - salads

Bashed Brugers - come standard with a Special Grind Patty, but you can also get as a veggie patty, chicken breast, or grilled portobello. 9 times out of 10 I would get the standard patty but I like having options in case I am in a strange mood. You can also choose your number of patties between one and three (like on a BK Stacker...but good).

Rippers - fried hot dogs

Brain Freeze - specialty shakes (alcoholic versions available).

I was here for a good burger. I decided to forgo appetizers and instead get a burger and a ripper (fat guy in the making!). I had made fried hot dogs myself but wanted to see how they stood up to a restaurant version. I chose the simple Zombie Dog for my ripper which came only with a house mix of mustard and relish for toppings...I really wanted to focus on the dog itself. I had heard that the Chef had developed a new recipe for the buns that made them really spongy and soft...and they were. The buns complemented the smashed burger patty really well, but the bun really stood out on this simple hot dog. Spongy, moist, and delicious...it was less like a bun and more like a really thick piece of bread, that just felt good in your mouth. Although the ripper was good, I would have preferred that it had been cooked longer. I would have liked the skin really crisp and even blackened a little bit. I know that is not for everyone, but that is how I like my hot dogs.

For my burger, I chose a Undead Elvis single patty. The Undead Elvis has peanut butter, fried bananas, bacon, American cheese, mayo, and a fried egg. This was a step into uncertainty for me...I really do not like egg yolk. Just the thought of egg yolk makes me gag sometimes and to see someone dipping their toast into it on tv makes me feel a little nauseous (why would you do that to perfectly good toast?). My good friend CT has recommended the Kill Bill Tenderloin at Centro to me many times, but the sunny side up egg always killed it for me. I thought about getting the Undead Elvis without the egg, but then I steel my internal thoughts and gagging and decide to just go for it. I can handle one egg. And I did, the burger was pretty dang good. The peanut butter and bacon was awesome but the fried bananas kind of got lost in the rest of the flavors...I blame the egg. Overall, it was a very good burger and I would highly recommend it.

Angie got the Trailer Trash burger and although she only ordered a single, I am pretty sure that the burger they brought out was a double tap. The Trailer Trash burger contained American cheese, fried pickles, chicken fried bacon, cheese curds, and ranch mayo. It was also very good, but I preferred mine just a little more. The deciding factor for me was the cheese curds...it was more like one gigantic cheese curd and about half an inch thick. By the time I tried a bite of her sandwich (which was quite a while after we got our food) the cheese curd had cooled enough that it was no longer gooey inside. It was just too much rubbery cheese for me.

Can't believe I missed this.
Photo courtesy of catmorley.fblog.me

I really enjoyed the food, I look forward to going back and trying more burgers...but the choices are difficult...already there are 4 or 5 I am seriously contemplating for my next visit. The first visit was easy...how could I not get the one with peanut butter and fried bananas, but now comes the difficult choices (and hopefully room for a shake...maybe even an alcoholic one if I am not driving). Plus I have to see the awesome bathroom signs that I missed the first time around.

Zombie Burger
300 E Grand
Des Moines, IA 50309

Kindle Fire

2011-09-29T11:58:00.001-05:00

A couple thoughts on the newly announced Kindle Fire, Full Color 7" Multi-touch Display, Wi-Fi. These are just very quick first impressions without really digging into any details or facts about the thing.

If they have a good (and affordable) comic book subscription service, it is probably worth it to me...this is the killer app on the iPad for me. Amazon just had to show a picture of The Watchmen didn't they.
I don't know how much I will actually use it for reading e-books. The standard Kindle's e-ink is so nice to read, that I don't think I could easily switch to a backlit screen again. I guess it will be good to read in the dark though.
Streaming movies from Amazon looks easy...especially if you are a Prime subscriber (and the new 20th Century Fox content agreement).
It is at a very nice price point for a tablet computer.
Looking forward to seeing all the Android apps that work on it.
Looks to have much better music controls, so could actually be used for audiobooks and mp3s.
Kinda kills all the arguments for a Nook.
My experience with my regular Kindle makes me really curious to see how this performs.
Looks like a lot of distractions to keep me from reading.
I suppose the next Kindle iteration will be called Blaze^TM(or something else equally bad).
I'll probably get one, but don't feel the need to be a first adopter.

Economic Recovery

2011-09-23T09:34:00.000-05:00

Even though all you seem to hear about on the news is the doom and gloom of the economy...I feel things are getting better. Of course, my method of judging the economic recovery is probably a little different than most people's. I don't look at unemployment numbers, home sales, or trade deficits...my feeling is based completely on my success at cart return shopping.

Cart return shopping is simply finding items and bags of items that people forget to take out of their shopping cart when they place the cart in the return area. It happens more than you think. I've found all kinds of things - food, scrapbook supplies, spices, beverages, towels, tools, hardware, CDs, and even a bank bag full of checks and cash (which I was hoping came from a large, evil corporation so that I could justify keeping it, but instead came from a local cheer and dance team...and so was returned to much thanks).

This is not something that I obsessively do. I don't stake out parking lots and watch the cart return all day. It is just something where if I happen to be at the store and walking by the cart returns in the lot, I will glance over and see if there is anything there. 9 times out of 10 there will be nothing or just used coffee cups or other trash...but every once in a while you find something worth checking out.

So how does this help me judge economic recovery? When the economy dropped into the dump in 2008, there was no cart return shopping...nothing was left behind. People weren't shopping as much, weren't buying as much when they did shop, and were very careful to get everything they paid for. Only in the past year has cart return shopping started to pick up again. It is not back to the levels it was, but I have found more things in the past 6 months than I had in the previous 2.5 years combined. I take that as a sign of progress for the country, people are being a little more carefree with there money.

Tips for cart return shopping:

Like Wil Wheaton always says - Don't be a dick. If I happen to see someone actually leave an item behind, I will alert them to the fact. Even if I don't actually see the act of the item being left behind, I make sure to ask anyone that in nearby if they forgot the item. If there is any kind of identifying into...like a prescription pill bottle, take it to the lost and found. You are not trying to take advantage of people. It it a good feeling helping others out, even if it is just telling them that they forgot a can of tuna.
Don't be afraid of the items. I have been told stuff like "That's gross" or "You don't know where that has been." Most stuff I find is boxed/canned items that don't require refrigeration...you know a 12 -pack of soda (this is by far the most common item forgotten because they are almost always put on the bottom rack) or maybe a bag containing a couple quick microwave lunch things. I can also say with 99% accuracy that this item has been in the store, in a cart, and forgotten, I just don't see someone tampering with food like this.
Refrigerated items. I have found stuff that needs to be refrigerated and there are a couple factors that help me decide. 1) Is it still cool? Widespread modern refrigeration has only existed for about 100 years, man survived before this...if it is still cool, you are probably fine. 2) How often does your favorite store empty its cart returns? Mine usually gathers carts at least once an hour, so I know it has probably been there less than that. 3) Do I really like the item? I will usually pass on milk even if it is still plenty cold because I don't care that much for milk, orange juice on the other hand will be made at home in my fridge.
Some stores are better than others...and many things go into this including the kind of people that frequent the store, cart design (carts with a nice lower shelf are best), quantity of cart returns (if there are lots of returns, the person doesn't have to walk as far and will be less likely to notice a forgotten item).
Go when people are busy...and forgetful. Lunch time or right before closing seems the best because people are usually in a rush.
You are not taking advantage of anyone (if you aren't a dick), not even the store...these items are paid for. I have never found anything really expensive and if I did, I would turn it in...but what is the lost and found really going to do with a 12-pack of diet coke? Would a customer return for this? I don't think so...and I have seen the cart gather throw everything away that is left in carts, including bags of items.
Don't keep what you don't need/want. I don't keep a lot of the stuff I do find...if I have no use for an item - vagisil, baby items, re-fried beans, etc... I don't take it, that is just something that I end up throwing away. I leave that for someone else to salvage, I am not collecting junk.

"Fun Day" at Adventureland

2011-09-13T11:34:00.002-05:00

On Sept 11th I went to the local amusement park, Adventureland. I wasn't about to let the terrorists win by not having fun on this day. It was a beautiful weekend and I figured with all the 9/11 stuff going on that the park might not be too busy. Neither Jesse Eisenberg, nor Kristen Stewart were working that day.

I had been years since I had been to Adventureland...the closest that I could figure out was perhaps I was there around 2001. I am not sure why it had been so long. Adventureland is a pretty decent amusement park...sure it is not as big or as exciting as World's of Fun, Six Flags, or Disney...but it 10 minutes away. I think part of my long absence had to do with the fact that Adventureland didn't really change that much for a long time. The last time I was there The Underground was still being touted as the new, exciting ride and it was several years old at this point (and sucked). I guess, being older is also part of it - either no one wants to go or everyone has kids (and I've had plenty of the Infant Ocean).

Adventureland had changed a lot since I had been there. I knew there were lots of new rides like the Space Shot and Splash Over, as well as, the entire new water park area Adventure Bay. Then there was the fire a couple years back. The heart of Adventureland remains - the circuit where you head left, jump on the Galleon, walk back grab a funnel cake, twirl on the Lady Luck, head to the Tornado, take a spin on the Silly Silo, and then jump aboard the Sky Lift to start back at the beginning.

The Tornado - a classic

I brought my swimsuit to check out Adventure Bay, but it was closed...which makes sense, I am sure it would take more effort than it is worth to keep the water clean all week only to be open on the weekends. I was a little sad, I didn't get a chance to test it out though. There was still plenty to do. I enjoyed all the rides that I went on (a couple like Splash Over and the Inverter happened to be closed this day). Space Shot was just what I expected and fun. Short lines meant next to no waiting, so you could easily ride several times in a row. All three roller coasters were still pretty good. The Outlaw was rougher than I remembered, but the Dragon still knocked my head around leaving me with a minor headache...just like I remembered. The Tornado is still a highlight for me. It doesn't really have any gimmicks like many of today's coasters, it doesn't go upside down, it doesn't corkscrew, or have an incredible vertical drop...The Tornado is just a classic wooden roller coaster and is still pretty thrilling and fun 35ish years later. The first (and maybe the second or even third) time I went to Adventureland as a child, I was too short for the Tornado. I was super envious of my older brother who could ride (although secretly a little relieved too). I wonder if the still sell the "I survived The Tornado" t-shirts like they used to in the 80's. I didn't think to look. The Tornado really doesn't seem that scary of a coaster now, but I remember it being the height cool to have one of these tees back in the day.

My favorite ride of the day...well, probably the Silly Silo. That has always been one of my favorites ever since I first came to Adventureland. How can you not like spinning until you are stuck to the wall? It is awesome. I didn't ride it fifteen times in a row like when I was a kid (even though I was tempted), but a couple times was good and brought back good memories. Luckily, I have never been on it when someone has vomitted, but it did happen while I was sitting on the bench waiting for friends to get back from the Log Ride...employees rushed up with buckets, mops, and bleach, and the Silo was closed for about 30 minutes.

Yee-Haw

My favorite "new" ride...new to me...was The Sidewinder. This ride did not exist the last time I was here. It is a giant swinging arm, where riders sit in saddle shaped seats on rotating disc at the bottom of the pendulum. I thought the best way to ride was to just be totally relaxing and let your body flop around like a rag doll. It was good time - short bursts of free fall when the pendulum hit its peak and then nice centripetal force as it swings down and back up the other way. Since the bottom of the pendulum slowly rotated, you were never sure if you would be facing up or down when you hit the top of the arc. Both where fun, but I found I had to grab hold of my sunglasses when I ended up facing down...next time, they will be in my pocket (lesson learned). Every one of the the "new" rides were lots of fun, and I must applaud Adventureland for adding a good variety of entertaining rides over the past decade.

Der Flitzer/Himalaya (photo courtesy of
Lakesidecyclone @ Coaster Fanatics)

Even though all those are all still good, I still really miss the Der Flitzer roller coaster (my family called it the Himalaya coaster...in fact, I didn't even know it was called anything else until writing this piece and trying to find a picture). It was the small snow capped mountain themed coaster, that was to the left as you walked in the park in the Alpine area...where the Giant Skywheel is now. The coaster was the epitome of Adventureland for me for several reasons. First, it was the coaster that I could always ride (when I was too short for the Tornado) and I always rode it several times whenever my family went to Adventureland. Der Flitzer was also always the first ride we went on...probably because it was the first ride that you would come to when entering the park, but that is besides the point. Once you rode this, you really felt like you were at Adventureland and were ready for a day of rides, games, and cotton candy.

Take a chance and win some crap!

I was disappointed in the Alpine Games area...including the new arcade. Although I have heard that this area didn't bring in as much money as the other two games areas. This was always the games area for me...it had the huge bank of full size skee ball machines, it had ring toss, frog launch, and the various basketball and milk can games. It had a little bit of everything. I remember playing skee ball there with my older brother and working on winning a couple small stuffed moose, that we then combined and traded for a large stuffed moose...which we would then fight over who actually owned the moose for the next several years. Sure, we probably spend $25 for a $1.50 moose, but that moose was pure gold in our hearts. The Alpine Games area was on the way out...this is where you would spend the last of your money. You didn't want to be that guy that wins the huge stuffed animal and then look stupid carrying around all day (I'm looking at your shaved headed, Harley vest guy carrying the giant stuffed neon green raccoon). Wait till you are about to leave, then play the games. This was my philosophy. Most of that area is gone now. There are still a few of the stand alone games, but the ones connected to main street are all gone in the re-built main street. Supposedly, this elimination of these games gave more room for the Penny Arcade. I always loved this arcade...I loved the fact that at least half of the arcade was dedicated to classic games - Pac Man, Donkey Kong, Galaga, Ikari Warriors, Spy Hunter, Jungle Lord pinball...you could go in this arcade and just play tons of great games from the Golden Age of video games. It was something special, something that you just didn't see very often any more. I guess they all burned in the fire because the new arcade might have been bigger but it had far fewer games (I would call it a handful) and they were all the new ticket redemption games like Deal or No Deal or Big Bass Wheel. It just didn't seem like an arcade...you can play just as many (and the same games) in Wal-mart. So what was taking up all the room in the "new and bigger" arcade? Adventureland decided to move the G-Force ride in there (that was like the Scrambler but for little kids). It was very disappointing. I knew it would be difficult replacing some of the classic games, but I had hoped they would at least have a few...and if not, may be some newer arcade games that you don't see every place else. I don't even think they tried. It is sad.

It was a "Fun Day"

My favorite thing of the entire day though was a sign right outside of the souvenir shop as you first walked in the gates. This sign brought me all kinds of joy (sorry for the not so great picture). Why would this be written in some sort of title case? But even more pressing what do you mean by "Fun Day"? Usually when something is in quotes like that, it doesn't actually mean what the words actually say...or is said in a sarcastic tone. I know there a entire blogs dedicated to inappropriate use of quotation marks, so it is nothing really new, but I still found it highly amusing. After reading this sign, I wasn't entirely sure how much fun I was actually going to have...maybe they were trying to tell me something! But it did start off the day with a smile and snicker at other people's idiocy.

Adventureland stands up better than I thought it would 10 years ago. I had a good time...although I wish it was a little less expensive. If you haven't been to Adventureland in a while, I would suggest that you check it out. For me it was a good mix of new experiences and old memories.

An Anatomically Incorrect Rock Odyssey

2011-09-02T14:43:00.000-05:00

In a couple weeks, Stage West Iowa will be presenting a run of Hedwig and the Angry Inch at the Stoner Theater.

I'm not even sure how my brother and I first came across Hedwig, I think we might have been flipping through channels and saw the title Hedwig and the Angry Inch and were like "That sounds fucked up." And it was...but it was also wonderful. Great music, messed up characters, and a lessons about coming to terms with who you are and about making the best of your situation. It quickly became one of my favorite movies. The movie was based off the musical play created by John Cameron Mitchell.

It is a difficult decision to take a date to Hedwig. Hedwig is hard to describe...well hard to describe without scaring people off. It contains cultural taboos like transsexualism, cross dressing, sex change operations, homosexuality, and rock and roll. But that all just sets the stage for the story and the characters feelings, motivations and the identity crises that are created. Long story short - in the late 1980's Hansel, an East German boy, gets a sex change operation to emigrate West through the Berlin Wall with his love, an American soldier. Hansel becomes Hedwig, but the sex change operation doesn't work as planned (that's the angry inch). A year later, Hedwig is dumped and the Berlin Wall falls. Stuck in the middle of nowhere, Hedwig decides to become a rock star but her new young lover takes off with all her songs and then strikes it big. Bitterness, complex relationships, mental breakdowns, and identity crises ensue and coming to terms with it all is the beauty of Hedwig.

Hedwig (the musical, not the movie) takes place during a single concert at Bilgewaters Family Restaurant in <insert your town>. I saw Stage West Iowa's previous Hedwig endeavor in 2002. They did a pretty good job. Hedwig and Yitzhak both did a great job. And Hedwig is a difficult character to play (I would imagine...I am not an actor), because although she is outrageous and over the top, you can't go so far over the top to be cartoony. Hedwig has to be likable and relatable...even when the audience has little in common with her (well, I would hope not that many people have chopped off their wieners to get out of East Berlin). I expected a little more animation from the backing band...even though they aren't a major part of the show, I expected them to be rocking out more and being more like an actual band. I know Hedwig is the spotlight hog, but I was hoping for more pep from the band. I think this may have been at least partially intentional - A) Hedwig doesn't want to be outshone, B) band is supposedly bored with Hedwig...but I thought it detracted somewhat from the performance. I have seen "real" backing bands go both ways - energetic and laid back. Energetic is always more fun and exciting to watch. I don't want them to distract from Hedwig, but they can at least look more like they are in a rock band rather than just standing there and playing their instruments.

I am highly looking forward to seeing what they do with Hedwig this time. I suggest you all check it out too. If you are able to keep an open mind about the not quite normal sexuality of the characters, you can really enjoy the music...much like Rocky Horror Picture Show. When you give the music a chance, you will be amazed, it is really a great story.

A Lack of Hate

2011-08-29T14:29:00.000-05:00

I don't know who originally made
this, but I thank them sincerely.

I have been asked several times in the past few months about what happened to the weekly Two Minutes Hate. I guess some people found it funny. I am SO glad that my seething hatred can entertain you people. Geesh! OK...I am really glad that most people did take the Two Minutes Hate that way because that is exactly how it was meant. The TMH was basically minor annoyances and a way to let of a little steam at some of the things in this world that are idiotic. I wasn't really trying to spread hate, just pointing out minor frustrations.

I decided to halt Two Minutes Hate for a several reasons, but mostly because it felt like being lazy. I really didn't spend much more than two minutes writing each one...OK, it was probably 5 minutes, but I would sit down, bang out 4 or 5 in a half hour, set them to automatically publish on the upcoming Tuesdays and I would be done. Then later in the next couple weeks I would think to myself "I should really blog, or at least finish one of the (many) started but uncompleted posts...it's been a while." My brain would counter with "Yeah, but you got those TMHs, so it's not like the blog is blank...and the readers don't know they were written weeks ago. You should instead go to youtube and watch Chris Elliott segments."

Another reason is that I am generally trying to be more positive in my life. A more positive attitude and outlook. I don't think that the TMHs were really that negative, I thought they were funny. But as long as I am trying to be more positive, I figured that I would give them a rest a while. I've also been told by several people that know me, that Two Minutes Hate didn't accurately represent who I am. I think it does represent who I am but it only represents a very small part...but that part became magnified due to the previously mentioned laziness. When I was publishing more Hate than anything else, I can see how people can get the wrong image about me. Personally, I don't care (much) what others think and if they see me for a rambling hate monger, that is there problem...but I also realize that it can affect other people in my life. The people I know directly probably know that the TMH is not representative of me, but their friends and co-workers who don't know me, could get the wrong idea. Again, I don't really care about how this affects me, but I do care how it affects these others around me. So far, it hasn't really caused any issues but I can see there is potential for issues.

The finally straw, however, was Ben The Over-Literal Dermestid Beetle. If you don't know Ben, he is a recurring character in Woot.com's Official Time-Wasting Videos. I love these videos and I love Ben, but Ben kept stealing my material...or I guess more likely great minds just think alike. Several times - Ben's video rant was near exact to a Two Minute Hate that I had written but had not published. Several times - and there is only like 6 Ben videos at this time. I think of the 6 current videos, 5 of them have covered a Two Minute Hate that I had written or planned to write. Ben The Over-Literal Dermestid Beetle beat me to the punch, usually by only a day. I am sure it was just complete coincidence but it was also a little creepy. I am not sure weather to be pleased or disappointed to be thinking so similarly to Ben The Over-Literal Dermestid Beetle, but I think I am happy more than not. I enjoy Ben and I think he does it better than me so I will let him have it. I still have a handful of unpublished TMHs that I am just waiting to see if Ben covers the topic or not.

Here are a few of Ben's videos that were eerily similar to my Two Minutes Hate:

Two Minutes Hate may be back...I am not sure yet. It probably will at some point, especially if I am feeling especially frustrated.

Welcome to the Future (3.5 Years Late)

2011-08-19T14:22:00.000-05:00

The future's waiting Meatbag.

Editors Note: I have been working on this post since January...so if it seems disjointed, varies in tone, has sentences that drop off, etc... I apologize, it has been a while in the works and I don't feel like proof-reading and editing this post any longer. Thanks - the Management

I got a Kindle for Christmas. I know, it is not a big deal now - lots of people have them now. The Kindle has been out for 3.5 years now and there have been many articles, comments, debates, etc... about it since then. So for those keeping track of such things, this blog post will probably hold nothing new. However, if you are a person that is still trying to decide and want a simple review from an ordinary person (i.e. not a tech writer), this might give a little insight.

I read a lot, so e-readers have always held an interest for me. Many times in the past I have checked out various Sony models and although they seemed OK, I could not justify the expense ($300+) without really knowing how much I would like it. I had a feeling that it would be a novelty at first but 6 months later it would be collecting dust in a drawer (along with several Gameboys, Palm Pilots, cell phones, handheld Sudoku, and other electronic devices that struck my fancy over the years). Thankfully, I have quelled my need to be an early adopter because for me, it mostly led to buyer's remorse.

I finally took the plunge and asked for a Kindle for several reasons. The $140 price was now low enough that the risk was now justifiable. It was now in it's third generation so it should be more refined and have most kinks worked out. But one of the most important factors was that Amazon's ebooks were now a large enough format that I didn't have to worry about being stuck with a discontinued device that I couldn't get new books for or wouldn't get stuck with DRM'ed books that I bought but couldn't access. After being interested for over 10 years, it was finally time to give digital books a try.

I love books. Not just reading books, but the physical items themselves. A well bound, high quality book is a thing of beauty to me and I have shelves full of them to prove it. I also hate books at times too. Books can be fragile, books are heavy, and books take a lot of storage space. I don't mind keeping the books that I really enjoy, but if I hated it or it was just so-so, I hate to devote any shelf space to it. So I give these books away, donate them to library sales, etc...but that usually means I have a stack or a box of mediocre books sitting around my house waiting for disposal. I also have stacks of books that are waiting to be read. That is clutter that I can do without. I was worried that I would miss the feel of a book, the sound of the pages, and the smell of the ink and paper.

I didn't really need to worry. I think missing those things are valid, but for me I think those feelings have more to do with obsessive collecting. Reading should be about the story rather than the format - as long as you have access to an easy to read copy, it should not matter if it is a first edition hardback, or a cheesy covered paperback for air plane travelers, or a digital edition. I received a third generation Kindle which is the current grey model. Mine is the standard 6" screen, Wi-fi only. The Kindle has changed the way that I read - a lot more than I thought it would, but it does have both pros and cons. Here are some thoughts after ~~one~~, ~~two~~, ~~three~~, ~~four~~, ~~five~~, ~~six~~, ~~seven~~, eight(!) months of use (yes, I have gotten distracted and this post kept getting delayed). This post having been in the works for so long, I am going to try to be thorough - covering all the things that I have thought over the past months (so you can stop reading now if you are not interested in a Kindle).

Pretty tiny actually

The Kindle is a decent size and a decent weight. The reading pane doesn't feel too small. It basically feels like a paper in both size and weight. Although weight-wise it would be a larger paperback (like the later Harry Potters) and size-wise somewhat closer to a trade paper back instead of a standard. It easily fits in my bag or any place I would normally stow a book...and many places that I previously couldn't. For size comparison, think of it about the size of a standard DVD case...but half as thick and four times the weight.

I find the Kindle to be pretty durable...and makes for a rather carefree reading experience. I tend to baby my books - well the nice hardcovers anyway. I make sure the pages don't get folded, the covers scuffed, and the spines broken, and I definitely make sure that I don't leave them in my car on a hot and humid day when it will swell and warp. The almost OCD care of books has diminished my reading enjoyment at times ("Don't open the book too wide, because the spine might split!"). With the Kindle, I dont' have to worry about these things, I treat it as a gadget instead of a book...and I am relatively rough on gadgets - dropping, tossing, leaving them in baking heat, etc... The Kindle has proven itself to be pretty sturdy and I happy how well it has held up. In a couple of the dropping/tossing incidents the corner seams of the Kindle case did pop open a bit, but the case pushed back together easily and no damage was sustained. I am still not sure how I feel about the screen itself and its durability. My screen has obtained quite a few small scratches over the months but they really don't interfere with reading...in fact, I barely notice them at all when I am reading except in very bright, direct light. Even so, I worry a little what it will look like in another year or two...will it be riddled with scratches and scuffs, so that it does now interfere with reading? It remains to be seen. There are many screen protectors for the Kindle out there, and I have tried a couple but didn't like either - they were a pain in the ass to install because even the tiniest speck of dust becomes exaggerated and looks worse than any problems the screen protector fixed, and they both had much more glare than the standard Kindle screen. I definitely don't want to get a case or cover - I don't want to make it bigger or have to mess with a cover...the Kindle is simple and fast to use the way it is. Although I am tempted to get one of the water-proof cases for better hot tub and pool reading.

The Kindle makes for easy travelling and business trips. I hate travelling and not having something to read. Often, the weight of my carry-on luggage was 25% books. I would have to take the book that I was reading, and at least one or two additional books in case I finish, and maybe a couple different genres in case I am feeling in a mood for something specific. The Kindle makes it so that I always have plenty to read to read in every genre...and if I see something specific in the airport bookstore that interests me, it can be downloaded in a minute...and save about 60% or more than I would have paid at the airport bookstore. I also like scanning any documents - like travel itineraries, meeting outlines, hotel reservations, etc...into PDFs and copying those to my Kindle. I am also super afraid that I will lose my travel info, so I tend to take 3 copies of everything - one that I use and then a backup in both my checked and carry-on luggage. Since I now have all the info on my Kindle (which I am pretty sure that I won't lose because rarely does it leave my hand), I only take that and the original printed copy. The Kindle also has great battery life...I think it is even better than Amazon originally stated. I use my Kindle quite a bit, usually an hour or more each day and I only have to re-charge every 5-6 weeks. I do have the wi-fi turned off most of the time, so I am sure that helps...but either way, having to charge is a rarity. I would feel perfectly comfortable taking it with me on a one to two week vacation and not taking the charger with me. It would be nice that if I did have to take a charger, that the Kindle had a standard micro-USB connection so that I could take one charger that could charge (and transfer data from) my cell, my Kindle, and my camera. Come on electronics industry - let's get that all standardized.

I find the Kindle incredibly legible. The text is crisp and has a good contrast against the background - I really like how the background is muted grey and not bright white. My eyes get tired quicker reading against a bright white background (like on a computer monitor). I think if the background was a brighter white that reading would not be as soothing after a day of work. My eyes really appreciate the change of scenery after staring at my computer screen all day. When I read on the Kindle, it doesn't feel like I am reading on an electronic device - it really is e-ink. There is very little to no glare on the Kindle. You can read it in bright sunlight like on the commercials without having to move it around to see the text. However, it is lacking a light of some kind allowing for reading in the dark. Pages turn quickly and the buttons are efficient to turn pages both forward and back. Although it took a little getting used to the lower button being "forward" on both sides and the upper button being "backward" on both the left and right sides. I kept wanting to push the same button but right side for forward and left side for back like you were flipping pages (but it makes sense being able to go forward on both sides for Lefties...dang lefties, can't they just buy their Kindle at the Leftorium?). It took me a couple days to get used to the upper/lower button scheme.

The Kindle also contains pretty simple tools to increase/decrease font size, line spacing, and even word spacing (words per line), so that you can customize it to what best suits your needs. An instant dictionary is included and all you have to do with scroll to a word with the d-pad for the definition to be displayed. I have a decent vocabulary, but I still find myself using it a lot thanks to George RR Martin's use of archaic words and armor descriptions. I also like checking some more obscure words that I kind-of know, or at least can figure out from the context but might not know an exact definition. I'm not sure if Kindle tells you what dictionary it is using...that is something I keep meaning to check out but always forget. Kindle also allows you to rotate the document to fit your screen orientation - it is not automatic like on an iPhone, you must manually go into the menu and choose your orientation. I have tried this but for me it isn't that useful of a function - a few PDFs look slightly better in landscape orientation, I guess. Nice to have if needed, but mostly it is a non-issue.

Amazon says the Kindle holds 3500+ books or something, but I am usually skeptical about those types of claims. It doesn't say what type or size of books, so I always think that they are talking about something that is smaller than what I normally read. My old MP3 player made similar claims and it turned out that the claim was based on low quality Windows Media Audio (WMA) files...not decent quality audio files. The Kindle however lives up to it's promise. OK, I don't have 3500 books loaded but I do have a lot...and some are large PDF files. I have enough material to last me for years and still have plenty of room to add more. I like how Amazon allows the option to connect your Kindle to your computer and transfer files directly...this is nice when I have large, or many files to add. It is much faster than waiting for wi-fi and gives you an option to add material even when wi-fi is not available.

Like all gadgets, the Kindle ran the risk of feeling cheap and plasticy with crappy buttons. However, the Kindle feels pretty solid. The top surface is basic plastic but it doesn't really feel or look cheap. The bottom has a nice slightly rubbery texture to help with grip and to keep it from sliding across surfaces. The buttons feel sturdy and press well. But there are issues too. The power button is a slider. I am sure that they had their reasons for making this button a slider, but I do not care for it. I slide it too quick, or hold it over too long, or whatever. I am just not a fan of sliders. The Kindle has a full keyboard...you can do things like search, play games, make notes, etc... I don't use the keyboard enough to really justify it for me. I am rarely a note taker when I read and I didn't buy the thing to play games, I have an Xbox for that. As much as I use the full keyboard, I would rather have that gone and just be able to pull up a virtual keyboard that I navigate with the d-pad type button. It would be a pain in the ass for note takers, but for as much as I have noted or searched, I wouldn't mind.. However, if Amazon would add a few simple things from my suggestions below, the keyboard could be very useful. As of now, the keyboard is just more of an irritation due to accidental button pushes.

Amazon uses the proprietary AZW formats and public Mobi formats. Kindle can only natively handle AZW, Mobi, and PDF files. In addition Amazon will convert MS Word, TXT, HTLM, and RTF files free of charge - you just need to email them to you kindle account and it is handled automatically. This is a good start but there are many other file formats that books come in - especially ePub (the standard of the International Digital Publication Forum), a pretty important and widespread format. So it is important to find a good conversion program. Luckily there are several that are free. I have been having a lot of luck with Calibre. Calibre lets me convert files and also edit the metadata (more on that in a bit).

There are several things that I don't like about Kindle, so here are a few changes that I would like to see (in no particular order).

Suggestion One - let users create sub-folders/sub-collections. To organize your books now you have a few sort options - "Most recent first," "Title," "Author," or "Collections." The first three are pretty self-explanatory I think. Collections is a little more complicated. I think of them as folder but it is more similar to a label, where you can label the books as you want - for example a few of my collections are "Fiction," "Reference," "Classics," and "Stephen King." Books can belong to more more than one label, but you can only sort by one label at a time. I like to have a clean home screen, so I would love to have subcategories. Stephen King books should go in Fiction or Horror, but I also like to keep my SK books together since there are a lot of them. Right now, I can't do this...the books can only be sorted under one label. I would like to have this under a label system, where I could step down through several labels:

Fiction

Stephen King

The Dark Tower Series

Book 1
Book 2
Book 3
etc...

Not being able to correctly organize is a pretty major annoyance. I am sure it works well for Kindles that only have a few books but is pretty much a mess once you get into a collection of any size (which is really easy to due if you like public domain works - like many of the Penguin Classics you read in school). I want to be able to arrange my books like I do on my bookshelf and this means sub-categories.

Suggestion Two - metadata. This has to due with organization. Users should be able to edit the metadata of books and documents directly on the Kindle. When you get books from multiple sources (ie - not just from Amazon, but it can also happen with Amazon only books too), the metadata can be a little messed up between different locations. One place has the author as "Chuck Palahnuik" another location as "Palahnuik, Chuck." Some places start the book titles (when appropriate) with "The" - some don't. Your organization can quickly become a mess. Also, I often want to add notes to my titles, so the are in a particular order or easy to find. Take Piers Anthony's Xanth series - there are 30+ books, and I can never remember the order. I'm not downloading them as they come out, reading, and then patiently waiting for the next novel. I am downloading them all at once so I have them...but this doesn't help me remember the order. It would be nice to be able to add something like this to the beginning of the title "Xanth 01:" That way I would only have to glance to find the next book because "Demons Don't Dreams" just doesn't scream book 16 of the series to me. There are lots of reasons to want to edit your metadata....and you can with certain programs like Calibre mentioned above. However, that means copying the book from your Kindle to your computer, loading Calibre, making the adjustments, reloading the book onto your Kindle, and finally making sure you delete the old copy off your Kindle. Way too much work. It would be much better to be able to do it directly on the Kindle.

This is what it should do when you power
off - throw up the cover of the current book.

Suggestion Three - the screensaver. The Kindle has a built in screen saver type function where every time you turn off the device a picture appears on the screen until the next time you turn it on. I don't think it is actually a screensaver, just something so that you don't have blank screen. There are about 20 pictures that the Kindle rolls through - pictures of authors (i.e. Mark Twain, Agatha Christie, Charlotte Bronte, Alexandre Dumas), Kindle feedback info, and various art prints. It is all well and good until you have seen each one a hundred times. I would much prefer showing the cover of the current book that I am reading. It is becoming very similar to what happened with music...I now have no idea what the album or book cover looks like because all I have in an electronic file. If it book's cover popped up on the screensaver, at least there would be a chance to admire the artwork. You can view it anytime on the Kindle, but that is kind of a pain...I just want it to pop up automatically. This has also led me to miss the interaction/conversation starter with another person when they see what you are reading. This didn't happen to me a lot, but when it did it was almost always a great conversation (I read that too! What do you think of...). I suppose everyone having the same default screensaver makes it good for reading guilty pleasures (or being an adult reading Twilight - not one of my guilty pleasure, I am just saying that you should be embarrassed - yes I read it and yes I feel stupider for having done so).

Suggestion Four - book light. I am not sure what would work better - the ability to turn on backlighting or a built in light around the bezel. It would be neat if they could institute a function that works like the LightWedge book light where the whole screen glows to light up the words beneath. The LightWedge technology is pretty awesome for reading regular books in the dark, so hopefully they could achieve something equally awesome on the Kindle. My biggest fear on something like this would be the drain on battery life. Would I want a light function if it meant that I had to charge my Kindle every couple days? Probably not. However, if I had a built-in light for when I needed it, and used it sparingly, and only had to charge every couple of weeks? That is a trade-off that I would agree with.

Sold Separately - this cover and book light will
set you back and extra $60.

Suggestion Five - notepad type function. A simple notepad function would be great. It would be nice to be able to type out such things as a grocery list or a quick note to myself, since I am already carrying my Kindle with me (and I would think Amazon would want me to carry it as much as possible, so I can buy more books). Sure, I can always add a note to a book or a document...but these notes rarely have a connection to the book that I am reading so it seems a little weird tying the note to the book. The best I have come up with for getting around this is sending a blank PDF to my Kindle and attaching notes to it. It is not as simple or elegant as a built in notepad, so I don't use it as much as I would like.

Suggestion Six - favorite bookmark quick button. I've been reading a lot of books that contain either a map or and index that I want to refer to often. I can set a bookmark and then go to it by opening the menu, selecting bookmarks, and then choosing my bookmark. It's not a bad system but for referring back and forth every few pages it gets tedious. I would love to have a Favorite button (or two), where it instantly takes me to a favorite bookmark that I have set.

Suggestion Seven - audio. The Kindle has the ability to play audiobooks and mp3 files. This is great...except for one thing, the controls suck total ass. MP3s only play in the order that they were uploaded...always, there is no adjustment and no changing this. Really? You couldn't throw in some MP3 controls? Seems rushed to me. Audiobooks are much better...but just like ebook files, the Kindle can only handle certain types. What about all the other audiobooks that I have purchased over the years? I understand that you want to drive sales to your partner audible.com, but man that sucks. Oh, I know I could convert my old audiobooks to MP3s! Oh, but I would have to start over at the beginning of the book every single time. Thanks Amazon, that is handy.

Suggestion Eight - repeat customer discount. If I have previously purchased a book in print form, I should get a good sized discount if I later purchase a digital edition (or audiobook). I have long wanted this kind of repeat customer bonus in the music industry (i.e. when you upgrade from cassette to CD, you would get a substantial discount on the CD because you are a repeat customer for the same material) but I can see how that would be difficult to implement. Amazon, however, is in a perfect position to roll this out system. All my purchases are since 2002 are in Amazon's system...they should be able to search my history and if I have purchased a printed volume before, I should automatically be given a discount on the ebook or audiobook. Without an incentive system like this, some people (obviously less scrupulous people than myself) could probably justify to themselves that they already bought this book once - the author and the publisher have already been paid - Why should I pay full price again, I'll just hit up bit torrent and download it for free. Now if said person received something like 40-60% off, it would be almost easier to just buy it than search the interwebicon for a good copy to download.

Suggestion Nine - 5-way controller. The 5-Way Controller (a square d-pad type thing, with a button in the center) is pretty slick and efficient as it is, but it is a little small. I think the directional button pads could be a little thicker. I have relatively small hands, and I still fat finger this enough times to be annoying. I think making this controller a little more easily usable would be nice. I think this would also help open up the market a little more to people with hand control issues who might have problems turning a regular book page, but right now would probably also have issues with this 5-way controller.

Final random thoughts and feelings:

Although it is great for travel, it is a little annoying when flying that you have to turn your Kindle off during take off and landing - like all electronic devices. So from the time they close the cabin door until the time around 10,000 feet is reached, you are forced to read Skymall or talk to the person next to you. I like watching the take off and landing so it is not too bad, but still there is usually about 15 minutes at the beginning and end of each flight that I could be reading but can't. Advantage goes to old fashioned books in this instance. I do not look forward to the day that my plane is stuck in a line taxi-ing to the runway for a couple hours.

Nooks - I am sure they are great...but I like
the singleness of the Kindle.

A lot of people have asked me things like "Why didn't you get an iPad?" or "Why didn't you get a Nook because it is in color!" The iPad question is easy - it is all a matter of cost. Yes, I would love an iPad...especially for it's comic book applications. The iPad can obviously do a lot more than a Kindle - it is not really a fair comparison. Especially since I wasn't sure if I would even like reading on an electronic device - I hate reading on my computer after all. I do think the iPad is pretty amazing and will probably get one in the future, but it is also bigger than the Kindle and weighs three times as much. I am not sure that I would want to carry the iPad around all the time for reading purposes. The Nook question is a little more complicated. If the Nook ran a full functioning version of Android - so basically being like the Samsung Tab - I would buy one in a minute - that would be a great price for very good hardware. My main issue was that I didn't think I would like the screen as much for long term reading. I also didn't need a full color display...I don't really read books with many pictures so this would be wasted on me. If I had a child and was getting Dr Suess books or something it might be a different story. The Nook also has a lot of distractions - web surfing, games, social network features, etc... All things that might be nice but more than likely would just distract me from reading - the entire reason that I would be getting it. The Kindle has a rudimentary web browser and it does enough to get the Kindle up and running and registered, but it is not something that I would be tempted to use for web surfing pleasure. Nook also touted the ability to share books with friends and borrow ebooks from libraries. Decent features, both of which have now also been/or will soon be instituted on the Kindle. These weren't really huge selling points for me anyway, the ebooks at the local library are always all checked out and although I wouldn't mind sharing with friends, most of my friends have different tastes in books than I do (for example, I like GOOD books). "But the Nook is touchscreen!"

A big deal was made about the text-to-speech option on the Kindles a year ago and book publishers being worried that it would take away from sales of audiobooks. Well this fear was totally unfounded - do you want to be read a book by Dr Sbaitso? OK, it is not that bad, but it can be pretty monotone, can have an odd cadence, and pronounces names wrong. It is really hard to for me to pay attention to for more than a minute or two. I suffices in a pinch, but it is not nearly the same as the audiobook experience and I can't see anyone using this as a substitute for a professionally produced audiobook unless A) a professional version doesn't exist, or B) the person is really, really desperate.

After six months of only using the Kindle, I went back to try print books. There was no real adjustment, books still felt normal...I just missed the portability and ruggedness of the Kindle. I will keep reading regular books (I still have a huge pile waiting for me), but more and more I will probably turn to the Kindle for books that I am unsure if I will like or if I want to keep - less books to store and find a home for when I am done.

If you like reading books, I would highly recommend a Kindle (or Nook, or iPad), whatever your preference. If you think you will really miss traditional books, are you reading for the story or are you reading for the feel of a book? I miss books a little bit, but not nearly as much as I thought I would. The convenience of the Kindle more than makes up for the experiences that you feel you might be missing.

Not Usually a Fan

2011-08-11T09:49:00.001-05:00

I am not usually a fan of baseball. It is just too slow of a game to keep my attention...especially on TV. I am sure it has its nuances and fine/subtle aspects that I am not picking up - I'm not arguing that. I'm sure people that love baseball can see all these things in it that I don't, I'm just saying that it is usually not a sport for me. Games are better live than on TV. When I go to a game, I do try to follow the game but I don't go often enough to really get into the sport of the individual members of the team. So I cheer for the home team but don't get too invested into the whole thing.

Every once in a while, when I do get to take in an Iowa Cubs game, I always enjoy it. However, baseball is only a minor part of the experience for me. I like getting out with friends, enjoying a nice day or evening, watching people fight over blasted t-shirts or hot dogs and eating an awesomely grilled hot dog and some peanuts. While this is happening, baseball is being played in the background.

Silky O'Sullivans on Beale Street

I hadn't had an opportunity to take in a I-Cubs game this summer. So last week when I was in Memphis and the I-Cubs happened to be playing the Memphis Redbirds a couple blocks from my hotel, I decided to head down and check it out. I had already walked around downtown Memphis quite a bit and my feet were getting tired and I just wasn't in the mood to hang out watching blues bands all night.

Photo courtesy of Hillary Stein @ flickr

However, it seemed like a waste to be in Memphis and just get a ballpark dog, so I headed to Silky O'Sullivan's where I had early been tempted by the Silky Dog sign. I wasn't sure what a Silky Dog was, but figured that at least I would be trying something culturally new. The menu described it as "scored and char-grilled with Silky's Special Slaw on the side." I wasn't sure what that all meant but baseball puts me in the mood for a good dog, so I was willing to give it a shot. It ended up being a hot dog that was slit halfway through every quarter inch or so...it was like an accordion almost...then grilled so that it had some slight char. I like char so wish it had been grilled a little longer but it was pretty darn tasty. I might experiment with this technique at home as it did offer an interesting texture and I think if you threw in some spices it might be excellent. It will probably deep fry really good too...mmm, things to try. I am excited for all the HD possibilities. The slaw was slaw. I didn't see much special about it - it was good, maybe a touch vinegary but good.

After my Silky Dog and some piano at Silky's I headed over to the stadium. I was late. It was the bottom of the first inning. I was shocked that there was still a line of about 10 people waiting to buy tickets. It was HOT out 112 degree heat index. I didn't really expect a big crowd. Oh wait, there is only one person working the ticket booth (and that person didn't seem too competent). So I look around and find some guy scalping tickets. I don't usually buy from scalpers (in fact this is only the second time) because I believe in the money going to the people that put on the show, but I was looking at standing in line for another 20 minutes to get to the front of the ticket booth. So I hit up cracky across the street.

"How about you give me $10 for this ticket right here...that's a good price"
"$10? That's face value - it says so right there...I can walk across the street and get the seat next to this for $10. I'll give you $5."
"I don't think I can do $5...How about $8 but that's robbing food from my family."
"I need to eat too...and there is no one else buying tickets...I"ll give you $7."
"Deal."

I head into the park and was right...there is a tiny crowd. They announce paid attendance at 4,800 but there probably wasn't more than 400 people there. It was sparse. The park was really nice but had a completely different feel than the hometown stadium. The Redbirds' stadium, AutoZone Park is about 3000 seats larger than the I-Cubs' Principal Park, but the Principal Park feels much more airy and open. The Memphis stadium is surrounded by office buildings...it just doesn't have the blue sky openness that Principal Park has.

I grabbed an ice cream and headed to my seat. I was pleasantly surprised to see the I-Cubs were winning 1-0. I know it is probably not a fair representation since I maybe go to one or two games a year, but when I do the I-Cubs always lose are have really low scores (except for that one time and the Rally-Yak. I'm still not sure what that was all about but I like the Rally Yak). The I-Cubs continued to score and play well - shutting down the Redbirds like it was easy. The fans were turning a little ugly...instead of cheering their team, they were booing the I-Cubs. With the exception of a home run in the 2nd, the Redbirds were not able to score while Iowa scored at least once each inning...until the sixth.

Top of the 6th and the score is 7-1, I-Cubs are dominating every part of the game and are just coming off a nice homer in the 5th. I figured that the I-Cubs would come in fired up, but they were not able to handle the replacement Redbird pitcher. The I-Cubs get a single and three pop flys outs. It is the first inning that they didn't score. Memphis comes back with a homer. The seventh inning is scoreless for both but the Redbirds rule the eighth inning with 2 runs.

The I-Cubs got into the ninth with a score 7-3, and they start out strong with a double. The runner advances to third on a ground out but is tagged out at home on the next play. With a runner on both first and second, the Cubs end a scoreless on a strikeout. Still they are up by 4 runs...and the most runs that Memphis has been able to get in an inning is two. Many of the fans have left at this time, it should be no problem for Iowa to finish off the Redbirds right? Not quite. Memphis singles, then Iowa walks the batter. With runners on first and second, Iowa gains a strikeout and then a pop out. Two runners, two outs...and we walk another batter. Bases are now loaded....and Memphis hits a Grand Slam Home Run to win the game. Really? A grand slam to win it? It was the most exciting baseball game that I had ever seen. The Memphis fans loved it of course. Good game Memphis, way to hang in there. If baseball was more interesting like this more often, I would probably be a bigger fan.

Thanks Delta - It's a Start

2011-08-08T14:17:00.000-05:00

Last week, I was in Memphis, TN on business. I hadn't had a chance to fly for a about a year so I was pretty happy to get to travel a little (I love to fly, and it shows). However, upon arrive at my gate I was disappointed to see all the HUGE carry-on bags that most travelers were toting. I try to travel light and only had one small duffel bag and my kindle.

Your bag should fit here...and not
look like an overstuffed
sausage.

Some travelers had bags that were the pretty darn close to the text fixture...but were just over by an inch because of the handle or the wheels or whatever. These people don't bother me. The people that annoy me are the ones who's bag may have fit in the check fixture at one time, but with the 3 various expansion zippers unfurled and packed to near bursting levels - this bag is now twice as wide as it is supposed to be and there is no way that it will fit in the regulations. Come on, your bag looks like a fat lady in spandex...it shouldn't bulge like that and I think any second that zipper could blow. But at least their bag started at the right size...or nearly. There were also several people who are packing a near full-size suitcase and trying to insist it is a carry-on. I am not sure how some of these bags made it through security because it had to be a tight squeeze to fit through the x-ray scanner. Many were also toting more than one of these monstrous bags. Which seemed like a lot more trouble that what it cost to check a bag.

I know that the fee for checking bags sucks, but I am sick of not having storage room for my small bag because your big ass bags are taking up way more space that they are supposed to. Most airlines have nearly identical rules:

One carry-on bag that measures 22"x14"x9" or smaller and
One smaller personal item like a laptop or a purse.

Easy right? I am following the rules, so why should I always have to fight for space? Yes, my bag is probably small enough that I could probably fit it under the seat in front of me, but why should I have to sacrifice my legroom for your bags? My ticket cost the same as yours. Pay the $25 and check your suitcase.

I applaud the Delta Airlines employees who were automatically making the customer gate-check the grossly over-sized bags and the double bags that people were carrying. It was a very good start to help the situation and a change that is much welcomed by me. I had the easiest time finding overhead storage that I have had in years. Good job Delta. I think you should go further (Baby steps, Bob) and make everyone use the check fixture and if it doesn't fit, it gets checked because these people just slow everyone down wasting 10 minutes trying to stuff their bag into a space that wasn't designed to take it. Just like the OJ trial - if it doesn't fit, you must check it. Thank you Delta, it was a small change made the flying experience so much better better (which I haven't been able to say in quite a while).

Karaoke as Promotion

2011-07-15T10:05:00.002-05:00

I may not sing karaoke often (or well) but I listen a lot.

I've heard great karaoke, funny karaoke, horrible karaoke...and everything in between. The great thing about karaoke is the variety of songs. Sure, you hear a lot of the same stuff - Don MacLean's American Pie, Toby Keith's I Love This Bar, Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive, and Picture by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow (or worse yet the parody). You suffer through...distract yourself with your drink or food. But almost every time - there is at least one song that makes me think "Oh, what's this?" or ""Man, I forgot about this song." Karaoke has inspired me to buy a lot of music and investigate a lot of artists and bands that I hadn't heard of before.

I think karaoke is great for introducing people to new music and reminding them of old songs. My problem is that the place rarely has the song I want to sing - sure they will have thousands and thousands of songs but they always seem to be missing the exact song I want. They'll have Harvey Danger - Flag Pole Sitta but not Little Round Mirrors, they will have Megadeth Trust, but not Symphony of Destruction.

Even worse (and I can't blame the venues since they have to buy the songs, but still it's disappointing), they don't have the obscure and small time bands that I think are awesome and would love to introduce to people. I always wish that more small time and beginning bands would release karaoke versions of their songs for the fans to download and take to their local karaoke establishment. I would love to have sing some Speed McQueen, Jupiter Sunrise, or 2 Skinnee Js. There is tons of music that I would love to sing that most people haven't heard...and I am sure many others have some obscure song that they would like to share with the world. I wouldn't worry about the quality, I've heard really awful renditions and later looked them up to see what it should sound like. Any publicity is good publicity right?

Just and idea that I have had stewing in my brain for years...now get on it indie bands.

The End of a Era

2011-07-01T11:27:00.000-05:00

Saturday marked a sad day in sports history - a titan has fallen, a dynasty has crumbled, and an era had ended. Upon the announcement of the news, world economies plummeted and fans everywhere were left with the dark depression of having nothing more to live for. It is with a heavy heart that I bring you the news that CT and I were unable to win to keep the vaunted SLAEROWYCOT - Soar Like An Eagle Rock Out With Your Cock Out Trophy. The loss of the trophy has left a gaping hole in my soul.

How could this happen? It was a conspiracy. Not even kidding. Just check out these rules...posted mere handful of days before the tournament. I was disappointed in these rules.

Yes, that is right...I was singled-out and specifically had rules created against me. I must admit, this is the first time that I have ever been considered a threat in any sport. I guess that makes me feel better about it...to be perceived as a great enough danger to warrant severe handicaps. This for the person who was nearly always the last picked in gym class. Actually, these rules make me sad...I understand that it is supposed to be a mixed partner tournament and that by having two male teammates that we might have an advantage...but if anything, that advantage was very slight. It makes me sad that the females are considered to be so much less as competitors. I contend that many of the females in the tournament were taller, more athletic, and more competitive than me (I am a poor specimen of manliness). I don't see gender as being that big of a difference. It seems extreme making both members of a same-sex team play non-dominant hand. To me that shows that the view on women is that not only are they incompetent themselves, but also a hindrance to their partner. I just don't believe that a woman on the team is that much of a handicap.

Yes, it is taken seriously.

Hosts: The Albers - ready for action

However, I do believe that my non-drinking did play factor in last year's tournament. I can see making that a handicap. Last year was so hot, that most people drank A LOT of alcohol...not just normal party amounts of alcohol. Huge amounts. The tournament also lasted a long time. This lead to much drunkness on most teams. I am not saying that it is the reason we won the tournament, because CT and I had a strategy and adapted match to match...we were just good, but being non-drunk did offer some advantage in later rounds. However, once again this handicap applied to both players...even though one was drinking.

The handicaps this year - since they affected both members of our team were just too much to overcome. If one of us had to play left-handed, we might have had some kind of chance. Even if we had to flip a coin to determine which of us would play left-handed. Both of us lefties, gave us no chance at all. We were a little bitter at first. Play was very strange...left hand was weaker, constantly felt awkward, and threw off every part of our game from balance to hand-eye coordination. I must apologize to CT for my play. CT actually played decent left-handed. He said that it actually makes sense because batting in baseball and a golf swing both use the left hand for power with the right being more for guidance. Oh, that explains it...I don't have those athletic skills to fall back on. I played awful...especially my serve. You wouldn't think it would be that difficult but for me it was. I probably cost our team every match because of my serving.

Grade A Douchebags

Although we lost each match pretty handily, we did put up a valiant effort...never getting left in the dust, but never being able to string together enough of a point streak to overcome. We did win one match in a best of 3 series...but that was the highlight of our playing, the rest we lowlights - really low.

One consolation (if I am thinking of the right people) was that the winners were a couple that just moved into a new home a short time ago and now are facing being flooded if one of the levees in Western Iowa doesn't hold up. They probably needed some happiness...and an Eagle trophy is great for that. So congrats on that...hope you don't lose everything.

CT and I did, however, look fabulous. We decided to be classy this year and went with Wimbledon White. I was looking sexy in a white dress. Yes, it is a little weird asking your girlfriend if she will go dress shopping with you...for you. Luckily, Angie is cool like that. It wasn't the dress that I would have liked, but it was the one that fit best - and offered the best movement for badminton. I got lots of compliments, and a lot of "hey, I have that dress." CT opted to go for Douchebag adding a backwards and upside down visor and douchey sunglasses to his outfit. We are awesome.

Other than the actual badminton part of it...we had a great time. Good food, great people, arguments with neighbors, lots of 'cock jokes, and shotskis. Thanks again ~~Alberses~~, ~~Albers'~~ (what is the plural of Albers?) Thanks again for the great time...looking forward to seeing you again next summer - keep rocking out.

Shotski!

Looking awesome!

Wrestling shoes!

Shocking Pictures Revealed

2011-06-27T14:50:00.001-05:00

After a year long moratorium, broken vows of secrecy, several Freedom of Information Act requests, and lawsuits going up to the highest court in the land...the shocking pictures of the 2010 Shuttlecock Classic have been released to the public. Scandal is sure ensure and the participants will be publicly shamed. Ironically, it is just in time for this year's Shuttlecock Classic which will be reviewed shortly. I am not sure if this is coincidence or conspiracy.

Thought to be a joke by most other contestants, this unlikely pair - a virtual giant of a man and his strapping young partner in dress overcame many obstacles to become the underdog darlings of the tournament. Loved by the crowds, hated, and feared by the other teams.

Once on the court, it was no joke. Competitor after competitor fell to this team. The dress intimidated opponents
while their uncanny badminton skills beat down all adversaries. The mighty and the meek alike were slayed by the amazing racquet skills displayed.

After many hours of intense rivalry. The heroes came out victorious. Heads held high, they claimed the famed, and much sought after SLAEROWYCOT (Soar Like An Eagle - Rock Out With Your Cock Out Trophy), a bottle of booze, and gleaming gold shuttlecock medals...and earned a place in the history books and in the hearts of all people.

Here a close up view of the SLAEROWYCOT in the arms of tournament champions.

Will our heroes overcome the long odds and ravenous hordes of competitors of the 2011 tournament to once again hoist the Eagle and being justice to the little man?

Stay tuned for the recap.

Joining the Upper Crust

2011-06-02T14:20:00.000-05:00

A couple weeks ago, Angie and I attended the Bon Jovi concert at Wells Fargo Arena. However, it wasn't a normal concert for me. It was the first time that I enjoyed an event from a suite location. My employer decided to get a suite and offer the tickets to employees. It was a pretty generous offer, if they could sell all 40ish tickets to employees, the cost would only be $100 each...and the employer would pay for food and drinks. I figured that was a heck of a deal since the first and second tiers were in the $80 range of tickets (fees pushed it to just under a hundred), so a suite and free food is just bonus.

I was excited. I am not the hugest Bon Jovi fan in the world, but I have always enjoyed him/them. OK, not always...around the time of Slippery When Wet, I was very frustrated with BJ getting over-played especially at a time when I was getting into Iron Maiden and punk music. Bon Jovi seemed the antithesis of everything else I was getting into at the time. I still liked the songs - especially Wanted Dead of Alive, but I would not have admitted to being a Bon Jovi fan. I was too cool for that...and maybe (just maybe) had a little bit of superiority complex where I wouldn't admit to liking much of anything that was considered popular. This makes me angry at my younger self now, because I remember specifically passing on going to the Bon Jovi concert around this time because and therefore missed A) a probably great Bon Jovi show, and B) Skid Row opening - right before they exploded. It wasn't the only time my "Too Cool" attitude made me miss something that I probably would have enjoyed, and it makes me sad to see all the young goth type kids avoiding everything because they are too good for it...I'm sure they will have some regrets later.

It took me several years to actually become a fan and listen to Bon Jovi again. Actually, I can tell you exactly when I changed my mind and came out as a Bon Jovi fan. It was the night of the 1989 MTV Music Awards when Jon and Richie played an acoustic version of Wanted Dead or Alive. The grinding noise of punk had grown boring to me and I remember thinking...that is bad ass and wished more people would play awesome acoustic versions. I was obviously not the only person to think this as supposedly this performance inspired the MTV Unplugged series. It is still one of my favorite performances.

All these years later, I never thought I would see Bon Jovi live...not because I didn't like him, but $80+ tickets are hard for me to justify. I'd even looked at floor tickets for this concert before they wen't on sale, but with fees they were like $170 each...nope, couldn't do it. But $100 for a suite, with free food and drink? I could justify that just to be able to experience a suite one time.

Suites come with lots of perks...for example, there is a VIP entrance on the North side of the arena. Angie and I chose not to use it was just as easy to head up through the skywalk. We were also early enough that we didn't have to fight any crowds or stand in line, so I can't say that we really missed out on anything. However, I can see it would be a nice feature if you arriving about 30 minutes later and there were huge lines of people waiting to get in at the regular entrances.

The suites have their own elevated walkway. It is on the same level as the restaurant, above the 200 level seats. The suite walkway is open and has very little foot traffic, so it feels really spacious and airy. You also get to look down on the walkway/concession area of the main concourse and laugh at the crowded and miserably conditions of the poor masses. From this vantage point, we were also able to really check out the Bottoms Up Beer dispenser that the arena made a big deal about a few months ago. Since we were above, we could compare the Bottoms Up stand and the regular beer stand next to it. From what I could tell A) yes, the beer fills much faster, B) there is little foam on the beer, and C) the people taking the money still sucked and so the line wasn't much faster than the normal beer line. The walkway also offered its own full service bar and its own restrooms. I used the restrooms twice throughout the night and there wasn't a single other person in the bathroom...and they were very clean. The walkway also had nice portraits of many of the major events that had taken place at the arena in the past 5 years. It was actually pretty neat walking past this gallery and seeing all the big name events that have taken place there since there was a question on whether the arena would actually be used much when it was being built. I was a cool way to remember "Hey, I was there." Most of the photos in the gallery were really good, but every once in a while there would be one that I would think "Really? That is the best shot you could get?" It was also weird which shows they picked to showcase - Kidz Bop but no Nine Inch Nails? The walkway also has a pretty spectacular view of the Des Moines river and the capitol building.

The suites were nice - and by walking past each on looked a little different. Different themes and colors. But all were similar with comfy cloth and leather chairs and tables to gather around when not watching the event, to barstools along a drink rail and upgraded stadium seating (leather style chairs with extra padding) with small tables to hold your drinks. The suite also contained a mini-fridge, microwave, TVs and DVD player. Unfortunately, our suite did not contain a shuffleboard table like one of the other suites that I noticed.

I don't know what food packages were available, but I saw most suites had very similar food, but a few had very different and much fancier food (i.e. full steak & prime rib meals). Our food selection consisted of snacks and finger food...and lots of it. We started with potato chips and several kinds of dip, fresh vegetables and ranch dressing, an assortment of breads, spreads, crackers and cheeses. The more substantial appetizers consisted of chicken strips, hot wings, barbecue meatballs, egg rolls, and make your own nachos that included options of ground beef, barbecue beef, grilled chicken, several kinds of cheese and cheese sauce, sour cream, guacamole, olives, diced onions and tomatoes, jalapeños, and much more. It was a lot of food, and even though there was a good amount of people in the suite, there was plenty of food to go around (and leftovers). Beverages included several kinds of soda, bottled water, and several kinds of beer and wine. It wasn't all super fancy, but I am not sure that I would have wanted anything fancier for a rock concert. It was all pretty good.

I was a little bit upset when I first realized exactly where our suite was located...as it was the furthest possible from the stage. The location grew on me after a couple songs. We were perfectly aligned with the stage and there was no one blocking our view. Plus no sweaty people rubbing against me, no one spilling beer on me (although that was still a possibility I suppose). It would have been nice to be closer, but with all the screens that large arena acts have now, it really wasn't necessary. It was actually kind of nice to sit back and just watch the show. All in all it was a good show. It had been several years since I have gone to large arena concert. It was nice to take in all the lighting, staging, and more background part of the show that I don't get to see as much when I am closer and fighting with the crowd. The screens were amazing alternating between live feeds of the band and preprogrammed videos and graphics...which of itself is nothing new, but the screen kept moving, splitting, turning, recombining, making new patterns, and even becoming a floating staircase for Jon at one point. Musically, I thought they sounded decent. Richie was missing, I think caused the whole thing to not be quite as high energy and as loose as it might have been. Overall good, however, several people who have seen Bon Jovi before have told me that it wasn't as good as his previous shows...not horrible, just not as good. I was surprised at how many newer songs, I had heard and actually knew pretty well (and by newer, I mean anything after 1992 and the Keep The Faith album). Work for the Working man was completely new to me, however, and I thought it was decent...but the staging and graphics that went along with it worked really well and made it powerful. There is a video this song live in concert here....but it doesn't pull back enough to get the feeling of the song.

I wished they would have played Wanted Dead or Alive all acoustic, but I was sure there was slim to no chance of that with Richie in rehab. I also would have liked to see Blaze of Glory even though I know that was a solo Jon song. Those are minor things though. I'd recommend seeing Bon Jovi, and recommend a suite any time you can get it at a decent price.

Pinball in Central Iowa

2011-05-24T12:01:00.000-05:00

I've always loved pinball...from the early 80s when I would play every once in a while in the bowling alley while my parents ~~bowled~~ drank to the mid 90s working in an arcade, to 2000s and owning my own machine. I like video games too, but they don't hold the same draw for me as pinball. Pinball takes skill instead of just learning a pattern like on most video games...and you can get better with practice but still randomness and luck still play a huge part. Even though I am a decent pinball player, I still have balls that drain right away. Easy to learn, impossible to master.

Unfortunately, pinball has been disappearing from public places over the past 20 years. It used to be in every bowling alley and arcade, and most bars...now all you get is Big Buck Hunter (which is fine, but it is not pinball). Pinball is hard to find. I am always looking for different games and new new places to play...so I am making a page to list all the games that I know about in the area. You can see it on the right called "Pinball in Central Iowa."

I envision this as an interactive site where people can contact me to add new games and locations to the list...as a community we can make a comprehensive and up-to-date list of places and games to play. In the future, I would also like to start a pinball club, where pin geeks can all get together and hang out one night a week and have some friendly and tournament play.

So please, stop by, contact me if you know of any additions, changes, or interest in getting together to play some pin. Frequent these places and let them know that you appreciate them still supporting pinball in Iowa.

Update - as I was typing Derek from Des Moines Alive contacted me to let me know that they have a tag for pinball locations....so I am going to include a link for them at the bottom of the page. Since I don't have a list of exact games at some locations, I am not putting them all in my list yet. But am going to be working my way down the list to find out. Thanks Derek.

Don't Screw Me Disney

2011-05-19T12:54:00.001-05:00

I may have mentioned my love for Muppets once or twice...(or more). But I am not sure what to think about the new movie: The Muppets

The Muppets comes out on Nov 23rd, 2011 and is the first Muppet movie by Disney. Disney purchased the Muppets in 2004. I am not sure what to think. My initial thought is that Disney is pretty responsible with its characters and will treat the Muppets right...keeping them from going the route of CGI. But then I remember all the god awful straight to video animated sequels that Disney has forced upon the world in the past 20 years (think Aladdin The Return of Jafar, or Cinderella II and III). OK, I've not actually seen most of the sequels because Return of Jafar was enough to make me very wary of Disney straight to video.

The poster really doesn't do that much for me. I like it's simplicity, but find their legs creepy...and too fake looking...and I wish there were other characters instead of the big 5. Where's Dr Dunsen Honeydew and Beaker, they are infinitely more interesting to me than bitchy Miss Piggy or chicken fetish Gonzo. We've been there and done that. I try to be hopeful, but it is hard. I was hopeful for the 3 movies in the 1990s - Muppets Christmas Carol, Muppets Treasure Island, and Muppets From Space - but once they actually came out in the theater I was not able to bring myself to watch them. I think I was still a little disillusioned from Jim Henson's death and was afraid that the Muppets were going to be exploited in a way I didn't agree with.

I still haven't seen these three movies, but have since watched the OK Muppets Wizard of Oz, and am a big fan of the Muppets Studio youtube productions. Both of these give me lots of hope for the new movie. I think a Muppet movie with actual puppets will be a really nice change from all the 3D CGI animated movies out there. I am eagerly awaiting a trailer...and maybe, just maybe I will see a Muppet movie in the theater for the first time since The Muppets Take Manhattan in 1984. It has to be better than the Smurfs right (not even NPH's awesomeness can save that)?

My Precious....

2011-05-13T11:54:00.000-05:00

I hate these

2011-05-06T15:53:00.000-05:00

I really hate posts about no blogging but here goes anyways:

I am in the middle of training for several new job responsibilities, arriving early, leaving late...if you didn't know me you would almost think that I was career driven or a company man or something.

I assure you this is not the case and regular blogging will commence shortly when things start to relax a little.

I feel dirty inside and full of self-loathing now (but soon these pipes will be cleansed with new content).

Better Late Than Never Review - Chinese Democray

2011-04-22T14:20:00.001-05:00

Guns N' Roses' Chinese Democracy could never live up to the hype and intrigue that it created - 14 years in the making, the first original GNR music since Use Your Illusion, the album that tore the band apart, $13+ million to make, use of 14 different studios, multiple promised release dates with multiple delays, etc... Chinese Democracy wasn't going to please everyone, it was just impossible. GNR had too many fans and too many different styles of music. It was all rock, but there was a wide chasm between Mr Brownstone and Don't Cry.

Guns N' Roses were the arguably the biggest band in the world last time GNR released an original album...and even those Use Your Your Illusion albums were disappointing to some. I can understand the pressure that Axl must have been feeling as the years passed and the album still wasn't released. I imagine he was thinking something along the lines of "this album has to be fucking epic." So delay, tweak, edit, produce, delay, re-record, edit, tweak, delay...repeat. It makes sense, but I think Axl fell into the trap of trying to fulfill the hype and please everyone.

I, like many people, had really been looking forward to the release of Chinese Democracy for over 10 years. With each announced date and subsequent delay, my enthusiasm waned a little. When I bought tickets to see Guns N' Roses in concert on Dec 2006, I was hoping that my excitement would be renewed...plus since the were on the Chinese Democracy tour, the album was imminent right? The opposite happened instead. I really enjoyed the songs from Chinese Democracy live in concert, but the whole experience left me uninterested and a little pissed at Axl. I did not buy the album when it came out nearly 2 years later, I did not listen and hear any songs on the radio (I think I heard "Better" once though), I did not check out videos on youtube. I just had no real interest or desire - I guess I can hold a grudge a long time.

A couple weeks ago, I happened to be shopping online at Bestbuy, looking for something completely unrelated and it just happened to hit me that I should look up the Chinese Democracy CD. I don't know why this popped in my head, I hadn't thought about it in a couple years, so it was a little strange. I searched and it the CD was only $1.99 (double vinyl is also $1.99) with free shipping. I decided to do a store pickup as I was headed there anyways. I figured $2 was low enough that the risk of disappointment and feeling ripped off was relatively low.

I popped the CD into my car stereo and listened through the whole thing that day within a few driving periods. My first thought was "meh." It had a couple catchy guitar riffs and lyrics and it was nice to hear Axl's voice again (as just hearing it brought back memories of my adolescence) but overall it didn't do much for me. Of course, I was hoping for the balls out rock and roll from the Appetite for Destruction album - but I don't really seeing him writing that gritty of music as he is now near 50 (although strangle Dave Mustaine from Megadeth is basically the same age and I still expect him to make music like he did in his 30's - but not really his 20's I guess - maybe that is the difference).

This album has many issues.

I think the songs are too long*. I like tight concise rock songs...the three and a half minute is perfect for my mind. Long enough to really pack a punch and get your blood going, but it doesn't drag on and start to get boring. If you were really paying attention, you could tell that as Axl took over more writing duties from Izzy Stradlin that the songs became longer and less rocky. Basically, if you compare You Could be Mine to November Rain you can see the difference right there. Rock vs Epic Ballad. Both good in their own way, but completely different. I like epic ballads, but I think they should be the minority instead of the majority of the record. Axl has lost the feel for the three and a half minute plain rock song. It seems that he has tried to make everything too epic.

*Turns out that the songs just seem long. Yes, most are in the 4.5 - 5.5 minute mark, which is longer than I thought...but they almost always feel two minutes longer. For some of the reasons listed below.

Too much shit - and by that I don't mean too many shitty songs, I mean the songs just seem overloaded. Too much synth, too much orchestra, too much background noise. It makes many of the songs feel very messy and overwhelming.

Too much filler - the biggest mistake that I think Axl made was putting 1 minute of filler (ambient noise, people talking unintelligibly, street noise, etc...) before the song Chinese Democracy. It is one of the best songs on the album, and the first song on the album...with the minute of filler, I was already bored before the album started. I think maybe he wanted to have it build up to the song, but it just didn't work. A couple of the other tracks also have this type of lead-in and I just am not feeling it for the record.

Too downbeat - it is not a happy album, and with its slower pace it just seems to drag on. On great albums I am full of energy at the end and want to immediately start listening to it again, on this album I feel a little exhausted and drained (but not in a "Wow what a moving experience kind of way").

Too many meandering guitar solos - this leads back to the songs feeling too long, but having three to five guitarists contributing to some tracks just leads to too many solos and guitar effects. I like Buckethead, but I just don't see him as being part of the GNR sound (and yes, I think it is easy to pick out his solos). It just lead to it feeling overbearing when I would have loved something stripped down.

Repetitive - on some songs the chorus just seems super repetitive. I think it is actually drowning out the rest of the lyrics which are often kind of hard to understand, so the chorus just stands out all the more but becomes repetitive on several songs. Plus are there so few good quotes out there that you had to re-use the Cool Hand Luke "failure to communicate" quote that was used on "Civil War"?

Too much electronic drums - unless you are doing industrial music or rap, there is not much use for a drum machine. You can tell the difference and it is so boring and sterile.

Boring cover art - really a bicycle with a basket in sepia tone? It feels drab and I think that feeling gets transferred into your thoughts about the music (at least at first). Seriously, this is just a boring cover.

However, it is not all bad. After the first listen, I set the album aside for a few days but my mind kept coming back to a few guitar riffs, vocals, or lyrics. I gave it a couple more listens over the past week and it has grown on me quite a bit. It is not a terrible album, just not a great album. There are a few hooks to pull you in but nothing that instantly stood out and made me want to listen over and over. There are some parts that I really like - unfortunately not many songs come together as a complete package and that means that it is just not full of hit songs. I do like it though and think that I will be returning to it every so often, but it is definitely not an "era defining" album like both Appetite and Use Your Illusion were to me. I do think it is a pretty decent album and powerful - just not instantly catchy. It not something you will be singing along with all the lyrics like Appetite, but it is worth a listen. For $2, I would recommend this album to most people. I think you will get $2 worth of enjoyment out of it if you go in with an open mind and not expect the old GNR. Hearing Axl screaming and screeching like the good old days is worth that much...and I think the album will continue to grow on me.

Sometimes You Gotta Let Those Hard-to-Reach Chips Go...

2011-04-14T15:17:00.000-05:00

You may have heard last week that the brand Pringles was bought by Diamond Foods from Procter & Gamble (you can read the press release here if you like that sort of thing).

I mention this for a reason besides my fondness for Pringles. Actually, I like Pringles, but usually don't eat them more than once or twice a year. Usually when I am in a potato chip mood, I am looking for something more greasy.

You can see Torengos ability to hold
salsa in this handy advertisement (hint:
More than the leading tortilla chip, but
less than a bulldozer)

However, I did love the corn chip made by P&G/Pringles...the Torengo. The Torengo was just melt in your mouth good. Torengos were similar to Pringles in that they came in a can and were all uniform in size and shape. They were triangle shaped, but concaved like Pringles - supposedly for better salsa dipping. Light, airy, and crispy, with a taste that wasn't overly corny, but just right...you didn't even need salsa or cheese. They were delicious by themselves. Every time I opened a can, I had to be careful not to eat the entire can in one sitting...and this was at a time when I really didn't like corn chips that much. I doesn't do justice to say that the Torengo was the Rolls Royce of tortilla chips...to me they were the Bugatti Veyron of tortilla chips. They were that good.

Torengos came in three flavors: original (delicious), splash of salsa (pretty darn good), and pinch of pepperjack cheese (good but I would refer to them as "hint of ass" but still ate anyways because they were so good texture-wise). Unfortunately, the original and the pepperjack flavors' cans were too similar - one pink, one red but in the fluorescent lights of the grocery store it was hard to tell them apart...especially if they weren't right next to each other - which seemed to happen often. Nothing was more disappointing than unpacking your groceries when you got home and realizing that you got the red pepperjack can on accident. This caused me to almost develop an obsessive-compulsive disorder where I would check the can about 10 times by the time I got to the register to make sure I had the correct one. It wasn't always this way...original Torgengos were in a purple can at first, but I guess that wasn't eye-catching enough.

Gone before
their time

Torengos weren't around long...2 or 3 years maybe. Wikipedia says they were listed as discontinued on P&Gs website as of 2007, but they were gone at least a year or two before that. I emailed Pringles several times asking about them when I couldn't find them in local stores and was told they would not be making them again...and that was early 2005 or before.

Anyhow, back to the point of this whole post - Diamond Foods, pretty please with a cherry on top bring back the Torengos. I promise that I will eat plenty of them. PS - feel free not to make the Hint of Ass (pepperjack cheese) flavor.

Torengos, I love you so (and my specially designed Torengo tray with built in salsa receptacle is just waiting to be filled with your deliciousness again).

Perchance to Dream (Part 2)

2011-04-08T10:41:00.000-05:00

It is now been over a year since I have had horrible dreams. One will still sneak in every once in a while, but no longer is my normal night filled with knives, spears, and shotguns shooting in my direction. No longer are my memorable dreams the ones of a deadly game of cat and mouse that I am always bound to lose.

I don't know what demons my brain had to exorcise, but they seem to be gone now. It has taken a lot of work...forcing myself to bed before 3 or 4 am, actually trying to sleep. Although I had long ago gotten used to the dreams, I think they still had a lot to do with my sleeping habits. I rarely got more than 4 hours...and existing on 2-3 hours each night for weeks at a time became pretty common place. Often it wasn't even 3 hours in a row - maybe a couple hours from 2am to 4am then up till 5am and one more hour of sleep before I had to get up for work. It was exhausting but it was something that your body got used to after a week or so. I would have horrible sleep for several months and then semi-normal sleep for a week or two before getting back to the next cycle to terrible sleep.

In the past six months, I have enjoyed the longest period of normal sleep schedule that I have had in well over 10 years. My dreams have started to turn more and more senseless and bizarre...not scary in anyway, but just strange with little tidbits of my life, thoughts, and day intermixed. It seems more like what other people dream about, but it is new and interesting experience for me. I often even know that it is a dream but have not been able to enact lucid dreaming yet (dreams where I realize it is a dream and take control...allowing such feats as flying), but I hope to soon. It would be a complete 180 from constantly being the helpless and hunted to being the controller of the dream.

What dreams are made of...apparently.

So what do I dream of now? One night last week, each dream started with a still photo of colored pencil drawing, as the camera (of my brain) zooms in, the picture animated and turns into live action. There was a series of 3 or 4 dreams that started like this but I don't remember the actual dreams, just the form...and the fact that they were narrated by Stone Phillips and Anne Curry from Dateline NBC. It was all very odd and charming. A couple nights later, I dreamed two things (that I remember). The first was that I went to the pet store to buy a fish. Instead of giving me a fish in a bag of water, they handed me a small fish shaped box that they put the fish of my choice in...without water. I expressed concern but evidently "This was the new way" and they "had made great advances in fish transportation." I then went shopping and out to eat with the fish box/coffin in my pocket...but I was worried about the fish the entire time (but evidently not enough to go home and put him in the tank). The other dream from last night centered around a new pinball machine that I came across at the mall. Obviously a dream...pinball machines at the mall? It was a two player Tango & Cash pinball. One person played Tango, the other Cash. A little strange, I know...but the pinball portion didn't surprise me, I love pinball. However, the theme was a little surprising especially since I haven't seen the movie in probably 15+ years.

I am still getting used to these strange and irreverent dreams, but as confusing as they are - it is really nice not to die, even though I do at times still feel apprehensive while in a dream waiting for the hunters to come.

My Review of Eagleheart Justice Rider T-Shirt

2011-04-07T09:42:00.001-05:00

Originally submitted at Adult Swim Shop

Show your appreciation for Adult Swim's most aggressively bearded lawman with the Eagleheart Justice Rider Shirt. Villains won't stand a chance against your torso once it's backed up by this stunning portrait of U.S. Marshal Chris Monsanto, galloping headlong towards vengeance atop a no...

Hot Dog Boy's Invincible

By Gubby from gubbyblog.blogspot.com on 4/7/2011

Fit: Feels true to size

Length: Feels true to length

Pros: Pale green, Stick figures, Stylish, Horsey, Beard, Soft

Cons: No death punch, Coveted, Justice only on one side

Best Uses: Avenging your partners, Catching criminals, Show Chris Elliott love

Describe Yourself: Awesome

Was this a gift?: No

Chris Elliott is awesome. I was hoping for some awesome Adult Swim merch when Eagleheart was announced. I wasn't sure about this shirt at first...it was not what I was expecting for an official show t-shirt. But I ordered it anyway, just to show the love. I now realize that it is perfect. Primary colors, stick figures, pale green...what better way to express the humor and style of Eagleheart and Chris Elliott.
Surprisingly, I am asked about the shirt all the time..."What is it?", "Did your kid paint that?", "How can I make a shirt?", "Hey, is Eagleheart any good?" It is definitely an attention grabber. Your friends will love it, your family will love it, your co-workers will love it, the people at the bar when you sing karaoke will love it, and the random people on the street will love it. Long live Chris Elliott and Eagleheart. Bring us more Eagleheart merch - action figures, more tees, a leather vest, cowboy hats, and most importantly DVDs!

(legalese)

Perchance to Dream (Part 1)

2011-04-01T12:16:00.000-05:00

Perchance to Dream

For many years I have had horrible dreams - dreams or drowning, full of blood, hacked off limbs, bitten off ears, jabbed eyeballs, and sliced throats. Really horrible dreams. The only redeeming fact was the 99% of the time whatever terrible act was happening, it was happening to me instead of committing the act myself. I could take some solace in that.

At first, you laugh them off as just bad dreams but once they have been going on for a while (weeks, months, years...), you do start to question what type of monster you are. You start to stay awake later because you don't want to face the dreams. What kind of person dreams night after night of having their feet cut off at the ankles? That person can't be sane right? That person is really messed up. They must be a serial killer or something because that is just not normal.

Trust me, if you make the mistake of telling anyone about these dreams you will know the look of someone who thinks you should be committed...and the funny thing is that the re-telling really don't do the dreams justice. You have never seen such a beautiful, red river as the one that gushes from my dagger sliding upwards through my lower jaw, pinning my tongue through the roof of my mouth. You learn to keep quiet or make up silly little pretend dreams when the subject comes up among others. It is not all you dream about, I'm convinced of that, but how are you supposed to remember anything else once you feel the blade slicing into your ribs?

Eventually, they just become part of your life...you realize that you aren't too messed up (at least I wasn't...I don't think), and you aren't going to hurt anyone. You didn't ever REALLY think you would hurt anyone, but with dreams like that you always worried about some kind of inner psycho/sociopath. The dreams become commonplace and therefore ignorable. They no longer stick with you and disturb you all day. Your mind becomes used to it and like everyone else, your dreams quickly fade in the morning light. You never really even think about them...in fact, there are a couple benefits like finding "scary" movies to be pretty darn silly.

There are times however when it all comes slamming back home and you are saddened. People saying things like "I had a dream about you last night," you think to yourself, "Thank god that I don't dream about people I know." Or people talking about "sex" dreams...I can count on one hand the number of times I have had either a sex dream or a dream about someone you know. Which is a blessing because neither should be mixed up with what I was currently dreaming.

Most people would consider what you dream to be nightmares, but for you it is normal, ordinary life. This has been my life for about 20 years or so. I don't remember when it exactly started but it was before high school. It was sporadic at first, but then they came more and more often until nearly every night was a personal horror show. I haven't told many people about the dreams...a handful at most, the people that I have really felt close, the people who I thought might understand. I've been told that I might be repressing some traumatic event but I really don't think that is the case...

Editor's note: I started writing this blog post over a year and a half ago...it was at a time when the dreams first stopped and I started having normal(er) dreams. However, I was a little anxious that they might come back. So I hesitated. It is a pretty personal topic to me, so that was a little frightening also...so I stopped writing. I am coming back to it now, for the first time feeling confident enough that the horrible dreams are gone not to jinx it.

Hey....Gandalf, Nice Dress!

2011-03-29T12:16:00.002-05:00

A while ago, my brother Kelly sent me a link to a newer band called Red Fang. They are great. Hard driving rock n roll with a southern flair. Reminds me a lot of my favorite (now defunct) local band On A Pale Horse (seriously Junk Poet is still around but not these guys - ugh, what is the world coming to).

Album #2 - to be released
April 12, 2011

Their album is pretty awesome. You can give it a whirl and order it from Amazon here. They also have a new album coming out in two weeks on April 12, called Murder the Mountains. I am very much looking forward to this album.

But even better - MidwesTix has just announced a Red Fang show in Des Moines! May 24, 9pm. House of Bricks.

Tickets on sale Friday from the MidwesTix website and will set you back $10. Even though I haven't personally seen them live, from the videos on youtube, it definitely looks like it will be easy to get your money's worth in rock.

I will be there. It's a Tuesday, but I suggest you skip the Biggest Loser, Glee, or Dancing with the Stars...or whatever crap you watch and get your ass down to HoB! I am really looking forward to this show...if only they could get On A Pale Horse to open...but I am sure that amount of awesomeness would make people's heads explode (or at least pants to be soiled)!

This video is from Red Fang's first album...and is pure awesome. I better start drinking now so I can have my suit of armor ready for the concert.

Harmful if Swallowed

2011-03-25T11:30:00.000-05:00

Last night, I was running some errands with Angie. She had to stop at one of those dollar stores to pick up some cheap party supplies. I don't go to these places often because although they have their uses and good deals, I rarely actually need the kinda cheap, plasticy items that these types of stores specialize in...or I would rather go some place more specialized.

Delicious - like all Mike & Ike products

However, I love their candy aisles. Getting the big boxes of candy about 50 cents cheaper than at the gas station and two dollars cheaper than the movie theater is great. They also tend to have the stranger flavors of some candies that you don't see as often - like Mike & Ike Jolly Joes or maybe Lemonhead & Friends (both delicious). There's always new stuff for me to try. I was tempted by Muddy Bears - chocolate covered gummi bears but wasn't in the mood this time. I also like how the have a bid section of knock-off candy like Sour Kiddos (obviously not a ripoff of Sour Patch Kids). I decided on some horehound hard candy and some Jolly Joes...since it had been a really long time since I had both.

Not So Hazardous

I also perused their selection of candy in novelty containers and decided to go with Toxic Waste because of the fun container and the fact that it said "Hazardously Sour Candy". According to the back of the barrel if you could hold Toxic Waste in your mouth for 15 seconds you were a Total Wuss, 30 seconds earned you Cry Baby, 45 seconds Kinda Toxie, but 60 seconds meant that you were a Full Toxie Head. I was a little disappointed...it didn't seem that much different that Warheads to me. Decent I guess.

Evil Incarnate

But on the way to check out, I saw the most venomous candy item imaginable. Something that would probably induce vomiting in me...something that must be the spawn of the devil because I can't believe anyone else would be evil enough to create such an item. I am talking about Good & Plenty Lip Balm. I seriously don't think there could be a worse thing in the world. Good & Plenty are not even candy, they are like little poison pills. I love candy of nearly every kind and don't even mind black licorice on occasion...but somehow Good & Plenty removed anything good from licorice leaving a hard center of black death covered in a tantalizing looking but nasty tasting candy shell. I can't think of a worse flavor than Good & Plenty for a lip balm. Remember the Harry Potter Bertie Bott Every Flavor Jelly Beans they came out to tie in with the movie with flavors like pepper, dirt, grass, earwax, dish soap, and vomit*? Still better than Good & Plenty.

Just thinking about the G&P Lip Balm is making my stomach turn. I am pretty sure if I kissed someone wearing this, I would probably vomit in their mouth (fair warning!). I know that Good & Plenty is the oldest branded candy in the US (first produced in 1893), but that is no reason to still have it around. I can really only see three scenarios where Good & Plenty candy is sold at all.

Old people who ate it as children when there was nothing else have found memories of it. You know, like people from the great depression and world wars when sugar was scarce.
Parents who want to shut up their kids who are whining about wanting candy will get it as a "Really you want candy?" type punishment
Young girls fall for the pink and white packaging...but this will only ever happen once to each child.

The name Good & Plenty is such a misrepresentation - well half misrepresentation. They are definitely NOT good, but you will have plenty because you will never finish a box. Good & Plenty stop tricking old people and kids...you should not be in the candy aisle.

*I think Jelly Belly actually wussed out on the second run of these beans and the gross flavors were changed to ketchup, fish, onion, and sausage (still better than Good & Plenty).

Winter is Coming...(finally)

2011-03-17T10:09:00.000-05:00

***Spoiler Alert***

The following contains some possible but somewhat vague spoilers

Book 1

Several years ago my good friend CT, recommended a book to me - A Game of Thrones by George RR Martin, he even loaned me his copy. It was book one of an immense fantasy saga called Song of Ice and Fire. I had seen it in the stores many times over the years but knowing nothing about it, it never really held much interest (there is so much bad fantasy out there, that I have a hard time justifying purchase of something I know nothing about). I was big into knights and fantasy novels when I was younger (around seventh through twelfth grades) but hadn't really been able to get into much of anything in the genre since. Even the DragonLance series where I devoured probably 50+ books when I was young didn't hold any interest and I hadn't been interested in re-reading The Lord of Rings books since the movies came out (I liked the movies but they kind of ruined the imagination part of reading the books).

The book sat on my bookshelf for a couple months. I finished the book that I had been reading and then went to look for something new...nothing sounded good to me. I finally decided to start reading Game of Thrones...mainly because I felt guilty for having CT's book so long already. I didn't go in with the best frame of mind, the first few chapters I was literally thinking "blah, blah, blah, sword, blah, blah, blah, king, blah, blah, blah, knight..." The story was intricate and complex and soon enough I was hooked. I even charted out characters, houses, and relationships since there were many and with complicated and detailed histories - just so I could help keep everything straight in my brain.

Book 2

But what really captured me the depth of the characters. Characters weren't just good and bad, they all had varying amounts of each aspect. I hated several 'good' characters and liked several 'bad' characters. The characters surprise you in many ways. A supposedly 'bad' character will show compassion and courage, and a 'good' character can be craven and betray everyone. The character's actions, motivations, and emotions are complicated and realistic. I was also drawn in by George RR Martin's lack of attachment to his characters. You know that character that you have been reading about for the past 500 pages and that you figured was one of the main characters, if not THE main character of not only the books but the saga? They chop off his head...and not as a climax either. It just happens. You sit there reading it and you are thinking "Really? REALLY? WTF?" but the story continues. Maybe this was planned all along and maybe it is not GRRM's lack of attachment to his characters, maybe he just doesn't care about our attachment to his characters. It sounds horrible but it makes the books a very interesting read. Anything can happen, no one feels safe.

Book 3

I read through the first and the second (A Clash of Kings) and started the third book. Number Three (Storm of Swords) is a big book (1200+ pages). I was a couple hundred pages in when I happened to leave it on the front seat of my car on an extremely hot summer day. The glue in the binding melted and all the pages started to fall out. It was big hassle trying to keep all the pages in order and make sure I didn't lose any. I ended up reading another 100 pages or so before giving up on this copy. I looked for a used copy but couldn't find one at the time, so after a couple weeks I had resigned to ordering one from Amazon. Just as I was about to order, George RR Martin delayed the new book (this would be book five) in the series (to 2008)...which was strange since book four had supposedly been way too long for his publisher and had to be split in half. So you would think that book five was all (or at least mostly) written. I guess you would be wrong..as I was. After it was delayed again...or more precisely George hinted it would be a few months and more than a year later he still wasn't done, I made a decision. I didn't want to be all caught up with the story and then have to wait forever for a new book, all the while forgetting details. I put off finishing book three and four until a publishing date for the new book was announced.

Book 4

The release date changed several more times...and after the past 3-4 years, I grew more and more hesitant of re-starting book three: Storm of Swords. Had I already forgotten too much? Man, that is a big book. Will I be able to get into it again? When HBO announced the air date of their original series based on Game of Thrones, I knew I had to get going. They were forcing my hand. Although my brain was a little rusty with some of the details, I was soon back into the swing of things...although I forgot exactly how much it shocked me when he killed a main character...yes, he got me again. I have had to change my notions of where the story is headed again...and each time this has happened, I have grown more and more uncertain.

Book 5

I am 80% done with Book Three and soon to start Book Four: A Feast For Crows. Finishing right on time for Book Five: A Dance With Dragons. Yes, a firm publishing date has finally been announced! Book Five: A Dance With Dragons will be released on July 12, 2011...my pre-order is set and I am now near giddy with excitement (even though I still have another entire book to read before it gets here). Book Five, is only about 5 years after I originally expected it, but it is finally coming (although a very small part of me is expecting another delay). I am highly looking forward to both it and the HBO series starting on April 17th (check out the trailer below).

Please don't die

But there is a problem...and it worries me greatly. The problem is that there is still another planned three volumes to the story (at least)...which is great, but... I've been told I sound morbid but I really (really, really) hope that he lives long enough to finish the series. I mean think about it, this book was supposedly at least partially written in 2005, and it took George another 6 years to finish it. George is not getting any younger and honestly doesn't look like the healthiest of people - sorry but it is true. He is in his early sixties and if it takes him another five years per book he will be in his later seventies. That is not unheard of, but then again people die all the time without completing their life's work. Take half the characters in these books as a perfect example. It might not even be a health issue...think about when Stephen King almost didn't finish the Dark Tower because he got hit by a car. I had a huge pit in my stomach after that happened. Luckily, Stephen King was able go on to wrap up the series (even though it wasn't as satisfying or as great as I hoped). But it was close, he almost died and then he didn't feel like writing. His tone changed in the books after the accident and it just wasn't quite the same...but at least there was some closure. PS - did you see SK just announced a new Dark Tower book coming out in 2012? I don't wish George harm certainly, and don't want to rush him...but we are dealing with some what of a time constraint (of indeterminate length). George, I love the books, I just want to know what happens in the end.

Be sure to check out the HBO series A Game of Thrones premiering April 17th, 2011. It looks pretty darn good.

And if you like complex, character driven stories where characters aren't black and white but all shades of grey: Read the books! Even if you are not a fan of fantasy books, give them a try. It is worth the time and effort.

The Roots of Dorkness...

2011-03-11T11:33:00.000-06:00

A Creative Commons Licensed photo from GP(MPK)

I have been into comic books for nearly thirty years. It all started in 1983. In 1983, Star Wars was shown on HBO for the first time. Watching Star Wars on HBO was a big deal. It was the first time you could see Star Wars since it had been in the movie theaters years earlier. Remember this was before DVDs, and even before everything was released on VHS. Our family didn't have cable...cable wasn't even available in our neighborhood. But we were invited by some family acquaintances to come over and watch. After watching Star Wars, us kids were left to our own devices in the 'play room' while the adults enjoyed some alcoholic beverages.

There was a pool table and various stuffed animals, but after a few rounds of trying to smash each others fingers with pool balls I became bored. Looking around I found a shoe box. Inside was a pile of comic books...they looked ancient to my eyes (later I realized they were just a year or two old, but had been treated rough). They weren't the best comics - a mix of mostly crappy Marvel and DC: Red Sonya, Conan, Green Arrow, Silver Surfer, Aquaman, and Fantastic Four (some of these might have actually been decent but all were in the middle of a story line so it was hard to know what was going on).

Worst blog post ever.

I had seen comic books before but they were usually Donald Duck, Popeye, or Archie...stuff that just didn't interest me at all. These were different - realistic characters, intriguing art, complex stories, anti-heroes, and villains. I found these comics fascinating. I guess I showed enough interest that the box of comics was given to my brothers and I. I probably read each of the comics about 10 times.

This began an obsession that lasted about 15 years (one dorky obsession of many). I was never a huge collector, but would gladly read whatever I could get my hands on (which wasn't much considering were we lived). It wasn't about the money for me, it was about the stories, characters, and art. It was a simple enough hobby, but one that helped me down the road to dorkdom and relating way too much to The Comic Book Guy on The Simpsons. It is a hobby that still calls to me although I feel much differently about it these days. It is a hobby that I probably spent way too much money on. It is a hobby that I still see the impacts upon my life so many years later...but more comic stories later, this was just about the very beginning and how Star Wars made me a dork in more ways than one.

Vasectomy Madness...Really?

2011-03-08T10:16:00.000-06:00

The past few weeks, as I get home from work and flip on the local news while I cook dinner, I have been hearing a commercial about getting a vasectomy so that you can stay home and watch March Madness basketball. The first couple times I heard this in the background, I thought "Wha-wha-what? No, I must have misheard. Ha ha, who would really get a vasectomy to watch basketball."

But I kept hearing this commercial day after day. I no longer thought I was hearing it wrong, but thought that maybe since I was only listening to it (while I was in the kitchen and the TV was in the living room) that maybe I was missing some connotation or joke. After about a week, I finally took the time to stop what I was doing, walk to the living room and rewind and watch the commercial. Nope, I wasn't missing anything...it was a commercial advocating getting a vasectomy so that you can stay home and sit on the couch to watch March Madness Basketball. I find this incredibly strange.

I haven't been able to find the actual commercial I saw, but here is a clinic in Virginia that did a similar promotion last year.

And here is a news story about a Wisconsin clinic running a similar promotion.

I don't know, it is all just a strange ad campaign. Does this work better than - get a vasectomy so you don't have to wear a condom and don't have to worry about more kids? I guess, if you are thinking of having a vasectomy anyways, you probably want to schedule it around a time when you want to stay home...but it sounds strange when put into a commercial.

Come on down and let us cut into your furry beanbag so that you can watch some hoops!

Global Warming - You're Doing it Wrong

2011-03-04T13:57:00.000-06:00

Image courtesy of NASA image archive

Every winter for at least the past 10 years, if not 15 or 20...I have heard someone make a comment about how cold or snowy it is and follow that up with something like "So much for Global Warming!" Most the time, you can tell that the person is joking and a good laugh is had by all (even though it has now been used so much that I want to punch the person instead of laugh)...but in the past couple years, I have been running into people who I am pretty sure are serious.

So let me just point out a couple common mistakes that some people seem to make.

It is GLOBAL warming. Just because it happens to be cold where you are at the moment doesn't mean that temperatures are higher than normal elsewhere. It is a global average of temperatures...and the average appears to be rising.
More rain and more snow. All over the US the past couple of years there have been some record snowfall and rainfall amounts. This does not negate global warming...in fact it could be because of global warming even though on the surface that might not make sense to people. Weather is somewhat cyclical - a severe summer will often lead to a more severe winter. Higher temperatures in other parts of the world can lead to more precipitation. Warmer air holds more moisture and warmer seas evaporate faster into the air. When this air laden with more than traditional amounts of moisture finally do cool, it creates more precipitation.

Good Ol' Days of YouTube

2011-03-02T11:00:00.001-06:00

Remember the good ol' days...you know like just over a year ago. A time when you could watch YouTube videos without ads blocking the lower quarter of the screen. A time before you had to watch the same Geico commercial before 3 videos in a row. A time before Vevo where you have Lady Gaga or Justin Bieber staring at you even though you are watching Marilyn Manson videos. And speaking of Vevo, I like how the record companies nuked their own artists sights with copyright take down notices to force traffic to the new Vevo site...and yet the new Vevo sight doesn't even have 25% of the artists' videos, that was a nice touch. Those were the good ol' days...days when you could just enjoy some videos. I don't mind YouTube, the artists, or even record companies trying to make a profit. I just wish it wasn't so annoying or the ads fit better with what I was currently watching.

But there are times when it all comes together in a zen-like, perfect moment. Why yes, watching a Slipknot video does make me want to order a pajama-gram.

"Honey, I had to get you a pajama-gram when Slipknot sang 'I'm gonna laugh when I'm buried alive'!" Thanks YouTube, you are always there for me.

Sometimes you want to headbang, sometimes you want to buy a pajama-gram...sometimes you want to do both.

Who's Bad (taste in art)?

2011-02-22T16:45:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago, I happened to be in Radio Shack. RS had a relatively large free standing display of Michael Jackson products - posters, This Is It DVDs, and miscellaneous MJ trinkets. I was about to walk by when my eye was caught by this monstrosity of an album cover.

Click to embiggen and see all the horrible, horrible detail

Wow, Michael Jackson in golden armor, ruffled collar, red velvet cap, monarch alighted on shoulder while being crowned by cherubs? Wow! I guess you are trying to say "King of Pop" or something but that isn't even saying it. That is shouting it from a mountain into a megaphone that fed a microphone into the world's largest PA system...in the cheesiest and gayest way possible. And the sequined glove over the heart multiplies the cheese factor by about 50%.

My first thought was "That is the worst cover I have ever seen on a bootleg" or maybe not bootleg but those crappy third party CDs of live songs that are always terrible. Imagine my surprise when I found out that it was an official Epic Records release of unfinished Michael Jackson songs. It looks anything but official to me. Plus the album cover doesn't even make sense for the album...it might be ok for a greatest hits album as it shows a bunch of highlights from his career but it really makes no sense for an album of unfinished tracks. I guess the painting was commissioned by his estate or something but man is it terrible. I know Michael Jackson had a lot of horrible art from the Neverland Ranch auction photos and this fits in...I just can't believe someone green lit it for the album's cover.

Another example of crazy art - photo courtesy of Paulshceer flickr set.
(follow link for more egomaniac art and weird stuff from the Neverland
Ranch auction)

I actually like Michael Jackson quite a bit, but there is no way that I will ever by an album with a cover like this...and yes, I realize that I am 'judging a book by it's cover' but I spent many, many, many hours in record stores as a youth flipping through records and you often can judge a record by its cover. The more jumbled an album cover, the worse the album hiding behind it. The one good thing I can say about this album cover is that it is better than Pantera's debut album cover (but only a little).

The Return of Roller Derby

2011-02-21T14:13:00.001-06:00

UPDATE - Thanks to the commentors that pointed out mis-named the opposing team in the Your Mom bout. It was of course the Sioux City Kornstalkers and not the Twin City Terrors. After the bout I was talking to my friend Angie and said something like "I saw male roller derby a couple years ago when they Twin City Terrors did an exhibition bout during the intermission at an MIR bout a couple years ago." I have a short recap here. And then with the upcoming bout with TC Terrors being announced over the PA sytem shortly there after, somehow the opposing team that I saw that night became the Twin City Terrors in my mind within the next couple days before writing this post. I apologize to the Twin City Terrors and everyone else for the confusion.

The Des Moines Derby Dames (D3) kicked off the new season of roller derby on Saturday. With AHL hockey no longer in Des Moines, roller derby and Bucs hockey are my sports of choice but for some reason I haven't been able to get in to the Bucs this year. It had seemed like a long time since the last derby bout and I was really looking forward to this bout. The competition, the crowd, the cheering, the freak watching...everything sounded good.

I knew it was going to be a big crowd. D3 has always drawn a good sized crowd, even their first bouts last year had a really good turnout, but for this first match they teamed up with a lot of things to guarantee a big crowd. The new and Iowa's only men's roller derby team played before the D3 bout, and the Derby Bratz the age 7-17 team was set to provide half-time entertainment. That's triple the derby for the money. In addition, they also had a featured Groupon offer with two-for-one tickets (and over 800 people purchased, I believe). The bout took place at the State Fair Grounds in the new Jacobsen Exhibition Center. I had never been in the JEC, so I wasn't sure what to expect.

Angie and I pulled in and the parking lot was packed, there were cars all over the place...the lot was full, the streets were full, and people were starting to park in the various grass embankments. Even worse there was a huge line of people waiting to get in. For the most part, I think lines are a sign of poor management and I hate waiting in them. Angie and I wasted a little bit of time hoping it would dwindle but it only got larger. Luckily, right when we got to the line, D3 sent someone else outside to take the groupon coupons and we were able to get right in. Love when that type of thing works out. FYI - there ended up being over 2500 people at derby Saturday night. It was a huge and very diverse crowd.

Taking our places trackside, we settled in to enjoy some derby. The Des Moines men's team is named Your Mom. I thought this was a horrible name at first. It just sounded dumb. That was until I heard it in action. At the bout, it made me laugh every time the announcer had to say something like "Penalty assessed to Your Mom," or "Ooh, a bit hit by Your Mom." I warmed up to the name quite a bit. I am pretty sure I mentioned it before, but I am just not that in to men's roller derby. The men's leagues are more about power than finesse. This is why I like women's derby - big hits and aggressiveness are definitely part of the women's derby but there is also a much bigger focus on skating agility. Watching Your Mom was OK, but it wasn't really what I was hoping to get out of derby this night. Angie did make a valid point here...pretty much everything you read about roller derby mentions fishnet stockings - where were your fishnets guys? Somebody needs to get comfortable with their masculinity and slap some on. Your Mom did totally kill the competition - when we took our seats the score was 129 to 15. I wasn't sure if that was right at first and maybe they were having scoreboard issues, but soon it became clear that Your Mom was completely shutting down the competition. Your Mom overall just looked much better conditioned and had the endurance to skate hard the entire match, while the ~~Terrors~~ Kornstalkers were quickly dragging their skates. The final score was Your Mom 375, ~~Twin City Terrors~~ Sioux City Kornstalkers102. Ouch.

When the Derby Dames took the rink it was all good. I wasn't sure if I would be into it as much as I had in the past. I was just in one of those moods and after then men's I was just 'meh'. The Dames however quickly got me back into the derby mood and reminded me what I liked. Great skating, funny names, awesome jukes, hanging on by the edge of the skate, and of course big hits too. Stella Italiana was as awesome as I remembered, scoring 15 unanswered points on the first jam. Quick, lithe and tiny she is a joy to watch skating through the pack, and continually dominated Quad City's jammers throughout the match. Cosmo Disco seems to have stepped up her game since last year...but feisty as ever. Cosmo scored big points and big hits. She ended the night with a nice bruise and rink rash on her upper thigh (and new holes in her green fishnets). New skater Smallsbury Steak also skated and jammed with lots of heart and drive throughout the entire night. It wasn't all offense though. The blockers and the pivots did a great job of shutting down Quad City's jammers and forced them to take many penalties. A shout out to all the dames...you guys skated great all night. The bout ended D3 187 to QC 67. Good job girls.

Already looking forward to the next match...and for Des Moines other roller derby team (the 2010 undefeated) The Mid Iowa Rollers to start their season next month. I wish you guys would set up matches against each other or at least double header matches. I like you both and enjoy both your bouts but a little intercity rivalry would be awesome. It is silly to ignore the other team. You both have such great things to offer the city, teamed together you would but unstoppable.

You Used to Have Balls

2011-02-16T15:29:00.001-06:00

Am I the only one that still thinks of this when someone says the word Nerf?

Seriously, as a dorky, awkward, uncoordinated kid (not much has changed) - I loved nerf balls. Not only could you kind of play sports without getting hurt or breaking something. Plus they just had that awesome squishy texture and that special 'nerf' smell.

Nerf used to be one of the ultimate kid-friendly companies...and now it is basically a weapon company (squishy weapons but still). It seems like a whole lost innocence thing to me - similar when Williams/Bally decided to stop making pinball machines so that they could focus on slot machines.

Don't get me wrong, the nerf dart guns are pretty cool and I am glad that Nerf/Hasbro made a lot of money off them...but they just don't give me the same feeling of youthful playtime that the nerf footballs, soccer balls, and basketballs give to me (originally that just said 'youthful play that nerf balls gives me' but figured that could be taken as perverted). I know that Nerf still makes balls and stuff but you never see advertising for them and I am sure it is not the first thing kids think of when they hear 'nerf'. They are thinking blasters and darts and crossbows.

Even the logo seemed more innocent. It just looks soft and squishy like nerf balls...now I guess it does bring to mind the nerf darts...but I don't care for it.

Nerf, I miss it when you really had balls...now you kind of seem like you are a middle-aged guy going through a crisis, bigger and better guns will make you manly and no longer the laughing stock at the playground.

A Real Type of Thing Going Down

2011-02-09T15:01:00.000-06:00

On Saturday, I attended the George Clinton and the Parliament-Funkadelic concert with Ryan and Hedda. I am pretty sure I was mainly invited as a designated driver, but I am willing to do that. Throw in that they bought my ticket to pay me back for shoveling their driveway and feeding their cats while they were on vacation in the Cayman Islands and it was a totally win situation for me.

I am not a huge GC & P-Funk fan. I think they are OK, but have always enjoyed them in smaller doses than full CD or concert length. However, I have always been somewhat curious to see him live as it is always supposed to be a great show. I was especially after his award winning* performance in Good Burger...I just didn't want to pay for it. I was also looking forward to checking out Club 504 - a new club in the Des Moines East Village area.

Club 504

I knew there would be a lot of just jamming - of which I am not a fan. I knew there would the would probably be a lot of marijuana smoke - of which I am not a fan (it was so strong walking inside that I almost gagged a little). I knew there would be many utterances of the word "funk" - of which I could do without. But still I was looking forward to the show - George Clinton is definitely now old balls (turns 70 years old this summer) so realistically there will probably be few chances for me to see him in the future.

We got to the venue about 15 minutes before the show was listed to start...but of course, the show didn't actually start for well over an hour after the listed start time (bars, you have no idea how much I hate that). Since we had plenty of time to stand around, it was time for stoner watch. Even though the place smelled heavily of pot, I was a little disappointed in the stoner turn out. I thought I saw the holy triumvirate of stonerdom for a second - white-guy dreads, crocheted rastafarian hat, and old army jacket...but I was disappointed when he emerged from the shadows. His hat was just black and not the traditional red, yellow, green, and black of a true pot head. Even worse, he didn't even have dreads, just long hair. In fact, I didn't see a single attendee with white-guy dreads. It was disappointing.

Since they weren't touring as the P-Funk All-Stars, I wondered if there might be fewer people on stage...but I was wrong, the stage was always crowded. It made Slipknot look like they have a reasonable number of members in their band. Seriously...check out this list of P-Funk members, many are gone or moved on but quite a few are still active in the band. I don't think the stage ever had fewer than 10 people and most times it was more like 15-20. One of the singers even grabbed a cordless mic and came out to sing from the audience section - not in a show off way, but a get out off the crowded stage kind of way.

Since he is old balls, I didn't figure that George would be doing as much as he used to...but he did even less than I expected. I don't even think he did the lead vocals on a single song. He started one song, but let someone else finish (or maybe it devolved into a 20 minute jam). Mostly, he howled now and then, told people to raise their hands, and shuffled around the stage shoving his microphone towards other members (in front of the trumpet, towards a backup singer, next to the bass amp, etc...). One nice thing was that George was no longer wearing his multi-colored dreadlocks (I am pretty sure they were fake for the past 15 years anyways), it actually made him look better and younger.

GC and P-Funk live 02/05/2011

I was also a little surprised in the song selection. Of course they had Give Up the Funk, Atomic Dog, (an abbreviated version of) Not Just Knee Deep, and Flashlight...but it felt like something was missing. Although the rest of the songs might not have been as popular, they were decent, I just felt like there were songs that were missing from the set. It took me a few days to realize that I don't know if I was missing GC and P-Funk in particular but more that I was wishing for some Sly and the Family Stone and some Bootsy Collins.

All in all, it wasn't a horrible show. It had it's entertaining moments, it just wasn't the kind of show that was for me. I was not one of the people, bent over at the waist, hands in the air, eyes closed, and tears streaming...but there were several of those. Ryan was a little disappointed, he has seen P-Funk like 5 or 6 times and said this was the worst show he had seen. It is nice to be able to say that I have seen him in concert.

*Only in my mind

A Perfect Example

2011-02-08T16:04:00.000-06:00

You might remember a Two Minute Hate a while back about the "Free Gifts" that charities send to try to guilt you into donating more money. I just got a perfect example from the American Diabetes Association. I donated money to ADA a few months ago when a friend was fundraising for them. This letter is so full of all the things that annoy me that it didn't even annoy me that much, it was more funny.

Labels! Yes, you know the little self-adhesive return address labels...now there are twice as many inside! Twice as many as what it doesn't really say. But hey, double the amount of labels, I feel so lucky. I mean after all, I tend to send about 2 letters a year (and that is a busy year). I'm probably set for life, oh what a special day.

Auto Voitures & Motorized Bicycles

Yes, the corn state...that's what you
came up with?

The labels all happen to be car, motorcycle, or license plate themed. I suppose that is OK but I am not really a car and motorcycle type guy. It is just one of those things that I highly doubt people think of when they think of me. It is just not representative of who I am. I can't see myself using these labels.

Even better, the license plate just says "Iowa The Corn State" around my name and address. It is the most boring label that I have every seen.

I do however make an exception for the DeLorean label because it is Back to the Futurific, McFly!

But the fun didn't stop with the labels...Just check out what was printed on the outside of the envelope. That's right mailman - Handle with care, there is an extremely important certificate inside. You wouldn't want to damage an esteemed document like this one that is being sent to me. Yes, a grand certificate that I can proudly display in my home or office. Obviously, when I saw this I envisioned hanging this certificate right by my college diploma, it had to be that amazing.

I actually couldn't find the certificate when I first opened the envelope - sadness. All I had was a letter and the sheets of labels. No certificate. It took me a couple days of the mess sitting on my desk to realize that, oh, the certificate is just a bigger sticker at the bottom of the label sheets...classy! Of course I will ~~hang~~... er stick this to my wall, what could show my support more?

Fancy Self Adhesive Certificate of Appreciation

As if that wasn't enough to entice me...they also included a nickel! Free nickels for all!

Sweet! A whole nickel for me!

Wait...what? Why did you send it to me if you just want it back. Now you are just wasting your money and my time. Wasn't the $20 I donated a couple months ago a good enough sign of support? Is my returning the nickel really going to accomplish anything?

Then this is what the letter says...

Well yeah, you keep sending nickels out to in the mail...maybe you should use those nickels for research. Just a thought. Let's do some calculations - approximately 300 millions Americans at a nickel apiece = $150 million a year. According to the National Institute of Health's estimations for 2011 that would place you at about 28th highest disease research funding. Not too bad especially considering that most items rated higher are broad categories like Aging, Vaccines, Nutritions...you are however beat by Heart Disease, Cancer, and Aids...and honestly that is probably correct. Trust me, I feel for anyone that has diabetes...that sucks. But the issue is that it is a very treatable disease, often through diet and lifestyle and if not that then insulin. Diabetes is not a death sentence. Plus, since only about 10% of the population has diabetes (which is too high I agree), your numbers are more than a little misleading. Sure it is a nickel for every American, but when only talking about people with the disease that is $5 of research...not a huge amount but a lot more than you are claiming.

I just thought the whole thing was weird that I had just donated a couple months ago and already they are hitting me up again. It was too soon and I thought their enticements to get me to donate were stupid. ADA...save your money (and the money I donated) next time for the actual research.

Reminder

2011-02-03T12:30:00.000-06:00

Just a quick reminder that possibly one of the greatest* shows to hit the airwaves in our lifetime premieres tonight on cartoon network.

Eagleheart: Cartoon Network 11:59pm Eastern/10:59pm Central

Pow!

*Greatness is not guaranteed but stupidity and fun are.

Me So Horny...For Justice

2011-01-27T12:08:00.000-06:00

I was a fan of Chris Elliott as soon as I saw him on Late Night with David Letterman in the late 80's. All of his recurring characters cracked me up - The Guy Under the Seats, The Regulator Guy, The Conspiracy Guy, Marlon Brando, etc...all were excellent. But it wasn't until Get A Life that he became one of my all time favorite people on earth.

Chris Elliott's performance as not quite normal mentally, thirty year old paperboy living with his parents was nothing short of genius. It was very odd show though and I am not too surprised that it didn't attract more viewers (although it did beat Seinfeld in rating during the first season), and it definitely didn't help that Fox kept changing the day and time that it was on. Still, it holds very fond memories for me and I wish dearly for the complete series to have an official DVD release.

Following the cancellation of Get a Life, the world was treated to Cabin Boy...which I found wonderful but most others seemed to hate. Again, the oddball comedy was just a little to strange for most people. Since that time, Chris Elliot has been all over the place with guest appearances and small parts in hundreds of movies although most people seem to remember him best as Woogie in There's Something about Mary or the cameraman in Groundhog Day. Each time I saw him, it filled my heart with a little joy but yet I was always left unsatisfied. Most rolls just didn't have enough Chris Elliottness in them - the extremely goofy, oddball, strange humor that I loved from Late Night, Get a Life, and Cabin Boy. However, certain looks and gestures would still make me crack up in remembrance.

Hopefully that is all about to change. Hopefully, that empty spot in my soul for that special, bearded, bald guy will be filled with [adult swim]'s new show - Eagleheart. It looks like a Walker, Texas Ranger spoof and man do the teasers hit me in the right spot. It has been a long time since Chris has been the lead in a comedy show and I think he is a great fit for [adult swim]. I hope it is a long run. Check out the teaser's below and be sure to check out the show on Feb. 03, 2011 at Midnight/11pm central. I'll be watching.

It's a Love / Hate Relationship

2011-01-21T09:48:00.000-06:00

I totally love that youtube offers access to all this music that I haven't heard in a really long time (or ever)...but I also hate it quite a bit.

I hate watching music videos...yes, I know that is what youtube is all about video, but most the time I just want to listen to the music. I think video ruin more songs than they help. I guess I like to interpret songs in my own head. I don't need a video to tell me what to think or feel, the music should do that by itself. I especially hate this when listening to new music that I haven't heard before. If the music can't stand on it's own without a video it is garbage.

Duplicate videos...how many times can the exact same video be uploaded over and over? Endless. I know youtube has code that can detect if a video uses copyrighted music that the rights holder doesn't want used, I am sure they could also easily detect duplicate videos. Let's thin this crap out and make it more usable. Let's keep the highest quality copy of the video. So who gets to keep their video? Either the owner/copyright holder's official site, or the first one to load it. Stop giving me 44 options and them all be the same video.

Sound leveling. Much like TV there needs to be some kind of sound leveling where each song flows better into each other. I think be getting rid of duplicate vids could help some of this, but not all. Sometimes it is a train wreck listening to a playlist.

Speaking of playlists - name them correctly. I know these are all user made, so it is not youtube's fault, but seriously people when you have a playlist named "Megadeth" I expect Megadeth and only Megadeth. I don't expect or want Slayer, Metallica, and Iron Maiden thrown in there. If I wanted that I would search for "Metal Mix" or something like that. I like all those bands but sometimes I just want an hour fix of Megadeth.

A better advanced search function that lets me easily choose between "official" and fan-made videos. I actually kind of like the fan-mades that are just the album cover and the music because this is how I often listened to albums as a kid. Record on the turntable, staring at the album cover. But many of the others are just crap and distracting...I wish I could just bypass them.

Work with all the music companies to get all their official videos online. I hate when a music company only has like 3 videos when the artist has 10. It is just strange what they choose to load and not load. Record companies - you paid to have these videos made, lets see them.

Those are a few of the things that would make my youtube experience better. Just hoping, I guess.

More Media Hilarity

2011-01-17T13:30:00.000-06:00

So late last week, I get in my car and am pulling out of my driveway my radio happened to be on a local news station. Once again like the football quote, I don't know the context.

The newscaster is talking and says something to the effect of "Mr (unknown) says that we are in an unusual situation." Cut to audio clip of Mr (unknown): "We are in an unusual situation."

Really? That is the news reporting you are going with? I was laughing so hard that I had to stop for like 5 minutes. It was completely ridiculous. It was like a line straight out of Airplane!, The Naked Gun movies, or maybe even The Simpsons. I almost expected to hear:

"You're on the Radio..."

"The Radio? What is it?"

"It's a form of communication through the transmission of signals by modulation of electromagnetic waves....but that's not important right now."

IPR, I really expected better...but you made my day. Thanks.

Ummm...No(ah)

2011-01-10T17:02:00.000-06:00

As I was flipping through the channels over the weekend, I stopped for a second on ESPN and there was some football player being interviewed on the side of the field. I am not sure but I think it might have had something to do the BCS championship game so it could have possibly been one of the players for Auburn or Oregon. I don't really watch football so I didn't recognize the player or the uniform...honestly I wasn't even watching, just flipping up to a different channel.

Anyhow, on the brief second that I was on the channel before my thumb had a chance to push the up button again, I heard a quote similar to this "...and you can check that in Daniel Webster's dictionary!" My brain yelled "stop" but my thumb was already in motion and by the time I was able to get back to ESPN they were headed to commercial. But I know what I heard and I laughed about it for 10 minutes.

Daniel Webster was a Constitutional lawyer, Congressman, and Secretary of State in the 1800's. Most people now mostly remember him for the story and films "The Devil and Daniel Webster." His name was also used by Mark Twain for the name of a frog in his story "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County". There is also a Daniel Webster College in New Hampshire. And a Liberty class ship was named after him in WWII. He was well known for his oratory skills, intellectual prowess, and constitutional knowledge...you know what he wasn't known for? A dictionary.

Talking about Webster's Dictionary - as in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, that is Noah Webster. Noah was Daniel's cousin, but still completely different people. Would you want to always be confused with your cousin? Noah worked in copyright, education during which he created a popular spelling book, and finally created one of the earliest American dictionaries. Noah wanted to standardize American speech and created American English - separate from British English. He thought British English was often unnecessarily complex and he is the reason that we spell "center" instead of "centre", "honor" instead of "honour", and "theater" instead of "theatre"...among many other changes.

I just wanted to give a little credit where credit was due...and tell the footballer that he may want to study a little bit harder.

A Message to Congress

2011-01-07T12:33:00.000-06:00

As the new session of congress begins, I would like to say a few things.

First of all, to all the members of congress who are still current or were just voted out but helped pass a lot of important legislation in the so called "lame duck" session. THANK YOU. Nothing pisses me off more than when the Senate and House sit around for a couple months because some people are leaving. All members of the House or Senate were elected for a two or six year term and I expect them to work in one way or another the entire term. Hey, I knew I was going to be laid off last summer, and you know what would have happened if I sat on my ass and didn't do my job those couple months before my layoff? I would have been fired much sooner...without pay. Every time there is a lame duck session where the congress does nothing, I as a tax payer want my money back. I understand if there was nothing to do but to stall just because some people are leaving or control is changing to a different party is dumb. Do your job...the entire time. So thank you for doing that one of the first times in my life.

Secondly, to all the incoming Republicans, Tea Partiers, and existing congressmen who now want to spend the first couple weeks of the new session trying to completely repeal the 2010 Health Care reform...Fuck off. It's not perfect, that is granted but it actually does have a lot of good parts. So instead of wasting time trying to repeal the whole thing which nearly every considers next to impossible - repeal most likely won't pass the Democratically controlled Senate, and even if it did the President will veto, and let's be honest you do not have the votes to override. Instead of wasting time showing off that you are against healthcare reform (a pretty stupid position in my book - why do you want to deny people with pre-existing conditions?), why don't you instead work to fix the parts that aren't as great? You might actually be able to make some changes instead of just wasting time and my (tax payer's) money on useless endeavorers...because honestly doing that sounds like the typical "business as usual" partisan bullshit that most of you ran against. PS - you get health care coverage that takes effect immediately, and don't have to worry about pre-conditions (coverage which is paid for 75% by tax payers). Stop trying to deny every once else a chance for similar benefits.

Finally, just do your job. Your job is not to be a total idiot listening to your party and doing everything that they want. Your job is not to listen to big business or take lots of contributions for your political future (or your pocket). Your job is to your constituents. Listen to them, do what they want...we are your boss - not your republican or democratic leaders. Benefit the citizens of the United States instead of looking out for your own interests. There is a reason that it is called Public Service. If you do this, the public will take care of you.

Thanks,
Gubby

Where's Floppy?

2011-01-04T15:00:00.000-06:00

I was fortunate enough to have the entire week after Christmas off work. I had big plans - plans to see a lot of movies with CT, plans to spend a lot of time with my girl, plans to get a lot of stuff done around the house. None of those happened, because I ended up being sick the entire week...for the second year in a row. My sickness wasn't as bad as last year...but it definitely limited the way I spent my time off. Luckily, I did feel well enough to celebrate New Year's Eve with Angie and catch the 2nd Annual Floppy Film Festival.

For those who are too young, or don't live in central Iowa. The Floppy Show (and it's many variations) was a locally produced children's show. The show consisted of ventriloquist Duane Ellett and his dog puppet Floppy interacting with the audience of young children - mostly the kid's telling jokes or "beeping" Floppy's nose - between old Bugs Bunny and Tom & Jerry cartoons. Each show started the same, Duane counting down "3...2...1" and the kids yelling "Where's Floppy?" as Floppy popped out of his box and each show ended the same, "Floppy yelling "Soooo Loooong Kids" and the kids replying "Goodbye Floppy". Simplicity and low budget but yet it was magic. It was a daily ritual for kids, much like the Pledge of Allegiance at school. Floppy (in one show form or another) aired from 1957-1987. As a kid, I remember watching Floppy at noon while eating my PB&J sandwich lunch. It was what you did as a kid. I also remember being disappointed whenever President Carter or Reagan would disrupt my Floppy viewing with a live press conference or speech. I would think "Who cares....Floppy should be on!" My political attitude hasn't changed much since then.

Floppy logos and images copyright The Duane Ellett Family

I wouldn't say that The Floppy Show was that important in the larger scheme of things, but it is one of those things that will always remind me of my childhood. I remember the day in second grade when our class took the field trip to be on the Floppy Show...it was literally THE field trip of the year. Forget the fire station, forget the pumpkin patch, forget the museum - The Floppy Show field trip was the event of the year, the whole reason for second grade (oh and maybe some education). So what did you get for your Floppy Show field trip? You got to hangout on the Floppy Clubhouse set for 30 minutes while they taped a show (you very own (possible) TV extra appearance), you got to either tell Floppy a joke or beep his nose, and you got a "goody bag" which had an orange, a soda, and maybe a small piece of candy. It was great.

In May 1987, Duane and Floppy celebrated his 30th anniversary. A month later, Duane Ellett died of a heart attack while jogging. It was one of those moments for me - you know those moments that you remember where you were and what you were doing when you heard the news. Those older than me recall the the assassination of JFK and the moon landing. I clearly remember three people dying:

John Lennon - my mom and dad are huge Beatles fans, so it was a powerful moment for our house.
John Denver - I am a big JD fan and happened to be thinking just the day before that JD would tour around here again soon.
Duane Ellett - I was old enough not to be into Floppy any more, but I was still saddened and it seemed like the end of an era.

I was always impressed by Duane and Floppy even as I grew older and past the target audience. To me, it just always seemed like Duane loved what he was doing. Most people would probably snap after hearing the same jokes over and over again. Just imagine how many times Duane must have heard "Why'd the man throw the clock out the window?" or "What's the biggest pencil in the world?" or "Why did the man put the car in the oven?" (which is the joke I told!). Literally, thousands of times over 30 years...but Duane always smiled and Floppy feigned ignorance...only jumping in with the answer if the joke was told twice in a row. I am sure Duane had bad days, but he was always there to entertain the kids. Even when the kids made his job difficult, he always kept smiling and making jokes with Floppy. It really does take a special type of person to do this day in and day out. I know some people here are probably saying that teachers, parents, or daycare providers do this, but really they don't...not to this degree - The Floppy Show was nearly identical for 30 years, every day. That type of repetition would drive most people insane and I think most would turn into Rainbow Randolph from Death To Smoochy - a little bitter, a little crazy, and a little perverted.

Floppy logos and images copyright The Duane Ellett Family

The 2nd Annual Floppy Film Festival was very interesting. I missed the first one due to severe illness. So even though I wasn't feeling 100%, I was determined to go to this one (and special thanks to Angie for making all the arrangements and keeping it in mind when I couldn't concentrate on anything). Basically, it was just a bunch of Floppy clips throughout the years edited together...but they all brought back lots of memories. I forgot about all the different versions of The Floppy Show - The Floppy Show, Duane and Friend, and The Floppytown Gazette to name a few...even though I had seen each hundreds of times. All the different stage sets and to seeing Duane throughout the ages was just plain nostalgic. I wish there were more interviews with Duane. I thought it was fascinating to hear what he thought of the whole experience. Maybe the interviews don't exist but I do hope somewhere there is more with Duane. I watched the guy for years, and would just like to know a little more about who he was and what he thought when he wasn't performing with Floppy. It was still a very entertaining experience though - clips of Bill Cosby and Adam West on the Floppy Show, clips throughout all 30 years, and a few cartoons thrown in for good measure. You better believe that I bought a Floppy t-shirt like the one I always wanted as a kid. I highly suggest any one who enjoyed Floppy as a kid to check out next year's festival.

Miss you Duane & Floppy.

Last Minute Christmas Idea #6

2010-12-23T12:52:00.000-06:00

Last Minute Gift Idea #6: Muppet Whatnot

Muppets are awesome. I've loved the Muppet Show since I was a kid. I continue to love the videos that the Muppet Studio continues to make, such as this which is fitting for the season:

So I was very excited a few years ago when I found out that FAO Schwarz was going to offer a custom Muppet creation lab. You are not making copies of the existing Muppets. The object is not to recreate Miss Piggy or Kermit. You are creating your own personalized Muppet...like if it was an extra for the Muppet Show. How cool is that? What kid wouldn't want to create their own Muppet? A kid who is destined to be a soulless serial killer. Jeffrey Dahmer would not want to make his own Muppet. But assuming that you are not a soulless serial killer, you want a Muppet. You know you do. I am lucky to already have a Muppet Whatnot, you may remember Vick Fyre. He is awesome, and I am starting to think he might need a friend. Making your own Muppet is easy.

1) Go to FAO

2) Pick your body style

3) Pick your eyes

4) Pick your nose (ha ha - I've been saying "pick" just for that joke, normally I would have typed "Choose")

5) Pick a hairstyle

6) Pick your clothing

7) Hit "Preview" to check out your Muppet and order if you want.

A couple quick examples:

Scientist / Doctor - using your whole fist doc?

Hippie Chick - damn dirty hippies

Monster

Balding but hairy elsewhere

Right now Muppet Whatnots are about $100, I've seen a little cheaper but usually they are about $120-$130...but really they are worth it. They have high quality construction, and are just plain cool. You might be thinking that you don't play with puppets - it is pretty rare for me too, but just seeing my own Muppet sitting there across the room fills my heart with joy (plus you always have it for those Muppet emergencies that do come up).

Everyone have a Great Holiday Season (or don't...I don't want to force it on you, do what makes you feel comfortable).

Last Minute Christmas Idea #5

2010-12-22T08:01:00.010-06:00

Gift Idea #6 : Star Wars: Frames

At $3000, this makes the Tim Burton/Danny Elfman music box set seem down right affordable. Especially when you consider that he probably used film frames from the crappy re-mastered editions instead of the original trilogy. And I don't think I really need to spend $3000 to look at 230 film frames from each movie that were personally picked by George Lucas. Hasn't Lucas already proved with the prequels that he really doesn't understand why people liked Star Wars? But damn, that wooden case is cool as shit. I also hate how it is a limited edition of 1138...really? I liked the movie THX 1138, but why does a Star Wars box set have to pay it tribute. Just cheesy and dumb...I am really surprised they didn't choose 1977 editions, that at least would have made a tiny bit of sense. I mean as long as we are tying in Lucas' movies that have nothing to do with Star Wars, why not have Howard the Duck laser etched on the box?

You can buy one for yourself (or me) here. Can I just get the case for $50? Or maybe just the Vader medallion for $10?

Last Minute Christmas Idea #5

2010-12-21T09:09:00.000-06:00

Last Minute Gift Ideas #5 - Gyrowheel

I am not the target audience for this - I know how to ride a bike, and I don't have kids who are learning to ride. But man it is still cool and looks like fun to play with and see a kid use. It is a wheel with a gyroscope inside. You replace your child's front wheel and with the gyroscope turning their bike becomes incredibly stable. They learn to ride without the aid of training wheels. Just one of the many things that I wish existed when I was a kid. I know, you will miss out on video taping all the fun crashes that your child will have and that you will be able to laugh at for years to come...but on the bright side, you probably won't have to make them wear a 'tard helmet for at least a couple years till they start the danger stunts. Extra bonus - gets your kid out of the house for a while so that mommy and daddy can have grownup, super happy, fun time. I can't believe they don't put that in the bullet point features...what are you supposed to watch your kid the WHOLE time? They will have to learn that they are on their own in this world sometime - might as well start them young.

Last Minute Christmas Idea #4

2010-12-20T11:02:00.000-06:00

Last minute gift idea #4: The Boardgame Remix Kit.

You ever get a little bored with the games you have? These guys took four of the most popular games -Clue, Monopoly, Scrabble, and Trivial Pursuit and remixed, combined, and re-wrote them to make all new games, new ways to play, speed versions, and rule tweaks. An exciting way to add new life to your old games. Why sit around watching crappy reality TV when you can dust off your board games from when you were a kid.

Available in book, card, ebook, and iphone app. Sounds like a lot of fun trying them all out...maybe some day there will be a Kackle Dackle remix.

Last Minute Christmas Idea #3

2010-12-17T11:02:00.001-06:00

I love games - like board games, trivia games, or even little kid games. It is just a fun way to let loose. I have to think Hedda for pointing this German game out to me. Behold -

Kackel Dackel

Click here to check it out on Amazon Germany (not available in the US at this time). So basically it is some kind of game where you feed a wiener dog play-doh and then it poops it out in dog turd form. Brilliant. What child wouldn't want this? $42 shipped from amazon.de right now. I am so tempted...and watching this commercial only makes me more so.

PS - it looks like the toy really makes those noises too. Awesome

Kackel Dackel is by far my favorite dog shitting themed game.

Last Minute Christmas Idea #2

2010-12-16T12:18:00.000-06:00

I like this t-shirt a lot:

If you don't know what this means, do yourself a favor and read about the alots here. This article changed my life and made me to be a happier person.

Thanks alot!

Last Minute Christmas Idea

2010-12-15T15:25:00.000-06:00

Just in case you had an extra $500 laying around and were wondering what I would like - I would point you to this: The Danny Elfman & Tim Burton 25th Anniversay Music Box

The music, and often unreleased score from all 13 movies that Danny Elfman & Tm Burton have collaborated on: Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Beetlejuice, Batman (1990), Edward Scissorshands, Nightmare Before Christmas, Sleepy Hollow, Corpse Bride, and Alice in Wonderland...just to name a few.

I think that it is awesome that they are releasing all of this music but I also have some big problems with this boxset.

First of all, $500! Yikes. Sure it's 16 CDs worth of music...but that means each CD would cost $30+ each. Now some of them I would probably pay that for Pee Wee, Nightmare...but Batman Returns, Mars Attacks, and Big Fish would probably not be on that list. If DVDs of all the movies were actually included also, I could see how this would be worth $500...but just the soundtracks is not too me (which just goes to show how much I have reined in my fanboy ways).

Secondly, I have already spent tons of money on most of these movies. I've seen most in the theater (at least once). I currently have many on DVD. I have had several on more than one format besides DVD - like VHS and Laserdisc...that Nightmare boxset laserdisc was not cheap! I already own several of the soundtracks and musical scores on CD as well as the Music for a Darkened Theater collection CDs. I have t-shirts, posters, toys from these movies. I have literally already spent thousands of dollars on these movies over the years. Do I really need to spend another $500? I am a repeat customer, can't I get a 10% discount of something for my loyalty?

Thirdly, this is one of the things that pisses me off the most about the entertainment industry and leads to piracy. I hate when music companies only release certain tracks through huge expensive box sets or re-releases. There is only so many times that I will buy an album...but yet, you keep making changes and re-releasing it with new tracks. Of course I want the new tracks but it's an album that I already have purchased the album on vinyl, cassette, CD...now you want me to pay for it all again for 2 extra tracks? Why can't I just get the 2 tracks (PS - thank you itunes for helping with this)? Once again, why can't I get a discount for having already purchased this. Or even worse, only put the music on a super expensive or limited edition box set that few can afford. I don't support piracy, I believe in paying people for a job done...but in these situations, how can I not think that piracy is the best option? I seriously hope that someone takes the fancy little flash drive that this comes with this set and uploads it the day that it comes out.

Finally, that thing is huge! Where the heck would I put it. Looks to be over a cubic foot of packaging. Do I really need the box to be a zoetrope? No, no I don't. I would much rather just have everything in a nice and tight little package...in fact, I would be happy just to be able to get the flash drive and save all the expense of the box, the zoetrope, the CDs, etc... This is just way too bulky to be sitting around my house collecting dust.

http://www.burtonelfman.com/

A very cool idea...but I wish I could just get them music.

Two Minutes Hate

2010-12-13T14:52:00.000-06:00

Ummm...that doesn't really help.

I buy things on eBay. Not a lot, but probably more than many people. I have seen all kinds of stupidity throughout the 12+ years that I have frequented eBay, but I am still always surprised by some people's idiocy. Today I am annoyed by people who list auctions for "pickup only" but they don't list their exact location.

I have an automatic notice set up for listed pinball machines in the state of Iowa....but I kept getting notices of auctions that listed a locations for such things as "Iowa" or "Hawkeye Country" or something similarly stupid. I understand that selling a "pickup only" pinball machine is probably not their normal items...but seriously it is annoying when you don't list your city. Iowas is about 56,000 square miles...yes, for the right machine and the right price I would drive to nearly any corner of the state, but you are pretty much automatically making me skip your auction due to the fact you don't list where I am going to have to go. You could be 10 miles away or you could be 300 miles. I don't know and chances are that I am not going to go through the trouble of finding out. I figure that if you aren't comfortable listing your city on eBay, you are probably some sketchy idiot and the auction is going to be nothing but a headache for me. Admittedly, I am a lazy consumer...but one with a fair amount of walking around money - you as the seller are the one that loses out in this situation. Seriously, just list your city when you have a pickup auction. You don't even have to change your profile, just throw your zip code in the item description. It is SO easy, much easier than having me email and wait for you to get back to me.

End Hate

...No Service

2010-12-06T16:06:00.001-06:00

I ran across this at Target a few months ago...

Yep, Twilight Barbies. I wasn't really surprised, I suppose many young girls would like to recreate the domestic abuse type relationships, low self-esteem, and pedophilia that the books and movies seem to advocate. I guess if I was going for cool doll gifts, I would probably go with the Monster High Dolls...they are at least slightly (very slightly) more original.

I was however, disturbed by the Jake doll. He comes with shorts and shoes. I heard he doesn't wear his shirt too much in the newest movie and that they want to show off his wash-board abs...but couldn't they at least throw a shirt in the box? Everyone else has a shirt AND a jacket. Does he always have to walk around Barbie land half clothed? He can't go out to eat with the other Barbies, he can't go to the store. Poor Jake, always left out for want of a shirt.

One great thing I did find was the selling points on Amazon.com for Jake:

Product Features

Based on the #1 New York Times Best Selling book series Twilight
Inspired by the character from the New Twilight film, New Moon
Jacob Black as a werewolf
Girls won't wait to get their hands on Jacob
For the adult collector

Not only is it funny, but wouldn't you want to use "can't" instead of "won't". It just sounds strange.

But maybe Mattel was actually trying to prove a point about how U.S. policies over the past 150 years have left the majority of native Americans well below the poverty level. It is not that Jake doesn't want a shirt...but he can't afford one. He is stuck on the reservation, jobless and penniless. OK, maybe not.

Thanks For Your Caution

2010-11-17T12:23:00.001-06:00

I'd like to take the opportunity to thank the driver today who decided to switch lanes without signalling or apparently looking. I really did want to drive on the shoulder and the grass instead of in the lane that I had been comfortably driving for the past few miles. Thank you for providing me this opportunity! My fault really, I must have sneaked into your blind spot when you started passing me about two blocks earlier. Sorry for only driving the speed limit and forcing you to go around me, I know you really needed back into the right hand lane for that right turn you were about take in a short two and a half miles down the road.

No - not me.

I must admit that I really did like the sign similar to this hanging in your back window. Is it 1988 again? My mock-up doesn't really do justice to the one that you had! I mean it just screamed every other driver must be an idiot. You know those signs were originally meant to signal police and rescue workers in the event of an accident, not meant to inform all other drivers to be cautious, right? I mean, do you think people are sitting in traffic thinking that they are going to ram you but then back off because there is a baby inside? Might I suggest that you take you sign and stick it to the windshield so that you can have a reminder to drive cautiously yourself? You were obviously the worst driver out there this morning. Hope your kid pays better attention in Driver's Ed in 15 years.

I'm Surprised He's a Douche Again (not really)

2010-11-11T13:06:00.001-06:00

Anyone else see the Kanye West interview on the Today Show this morning? The one where Kanye talks about being regretful about calling Bush a racist because he was later called a racist when he interrupted Taylor Swift during the Mtv Video Music Awards.

I'm gonna let you finish...but I am gonna be a douche right now.

Anyhow, Matt Lauer was describing it and Kanye starts to respond and the news crews starts to play the clip from the VMAs while he is talking and Kanye gets pissed! "Yo...How am I supposed to talk when you are trying to run this thing in the middle while I am talking?" Clearly upset. "Please don't let that happen again...it's ridiculous."

You can see the video here...about 5:50 is when the VMA part starts.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/40128321#40128321

Kanye, I hope you now realize how much it sucks to be interrupted by Kanye West. I know Taylor forgave you but it was still a douche move. Hopefully someday, you realize that you just need to shut up.

I thought it was HILARIOUS that you got agree at being interrupted by yourself. Heck, you even asked people offset to be quiet. Man, you really don't like to be intruded upon, but yet you still did it much worse to Taylor Swift than anyone has ever done to you. And that shit was cool to play while you were speaking about Bush because it was relevant to what you were talking about at the moment...stop being a whiner in your Tweets. Douche, maybe you should learn some respect before expecting it from others.

Bittersweet

2010-11-11T11:02:00.000-06:00

Hey, Peter man, check out channel 9

I know I've mentioned it before but I really hate when TV shows are canceled before their time...I hate being left hanging. This is all more poignant to me after having just finished the DVD set of Defying Gravity...my favorite new show of last fall and highly recommended. Yes, it only has 13 episodes but each episode is great and packs a lot of intelligence and emotion into each episode. I was pissed when ABC canceled this show after showing only half the episodes. ABC ordered 13 episodes, so I assume they paid for 13 episodes...why not throw the last ones on the air at 2am? Wouldn't that be better than doing nothing? I don't know, I am not a TV exec. Anyhow, watching the DVDs reminded me at how sad it was to have this show canceled.

However, I am finding it hard to feel the same way about Syfy (that still makes me want to puke) cancelling Caprica a couple of weeks ago.

A little personal history - I didn't watch the Battlestar Galatica redux series until after it was completed. Mainly because I thought my DVR was missed episodes when it first started showing. This ended up being a miscommunication since the first few episodes were combined into the pilot movie. In my error, I couldn't stand watching a show like BSG where I missed a couple episodes. Each episode seemed too important, too amazing to miss. So finally, I deleted the episodes off my DVR and didn't watch more than a random half episode here or there before the series was over. I am actually surprised that I made it without anyone having spoiled the show or the ending for me.

I didn't start watching BSG, until the entire series was over and released on DVD. Once I started watching it, I could not stop. The first thing that pulled me in was the situational stress - a tiny remnant of humanity, forced into aging and ships, fleeing with no supplies. In addition to the danger of the Cylons finding them, there was always the pressure of fuel, food, and vacuum of space. Add to that possible traitors, hidden spies, factions among the remaining humans and every episode was tense. Even if the episode didn't seem that tense, there was always this backdrop of danger. BSG had much more than that though, the characters were well written and had a great depth. There were heroes and villains, and everything else in between - military, civilians, people thrown out of their league, people struggling to live and overcome their adversity. It is a special show where heroes can develop into villains and villains into heroes. It is an odd show where many different opinions exist about every character and they are all right. I think the misunderstanding for people who didn't watch Battlestar Galatica was that they thought it was an action series. It did have plenty of action in the form of spaceship dog fights and the occasional shootout with cylons but it really was a small part of the series after the first couple episodes. More important were characters and their interactions, myth, and destiny. It was truly an epic saga and probably one of the best series that has ever been on TV.

Watching six seasons of BSG within a month and a half instead of 5 years had it's advantages. It was nice not having to wait between seasons and I probably noticed some details that other might have missed between episodes. But there was one major disadvantage, everyone else I knew had already watched it. This meant that we couldn't talk about this week's episode or discuss theories. It had already happened for all of my friends and I didn't want to risk ruining my viewing of my next DVD. I missed all the social aspect of the series and that makes me a little sad (same thing happened with Lost).

I thought this photo captured the depth and intricacies
of the characters perfectly.

So when Caprica was announced I was excited to be able to watch the show as it aired and have the social experience of discussing it with others in a timely manner. Unfortunately, the first episode aired and it was pretty meh. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't really gripping either. I could see promise though and hoped it would develop into something wonderful and surprising. I'm sure my expectations were a little higher than they should have been because I knew it was going to be a different kind of show than BSG. The creators and producers had announced that very early on and I was OK with that.

The actors were good, the special effects were decent, but for me it was the story and characters that I had issues with. It's not that the stories and characters were bad, it just seemed to be unraveling the parts of BSG that I liked. Well not unraveling, so much as destroying.

Destroyed Myth #1: Monotheism was a robot invention. In Battlestar Galatica, the humans were polytheistic. They basically worshiped versions of our Greek gods...but the cylons, the robots were monotheistic. One god, similar in form to Christianity/Judaism/Islam. Did their super computer brains deduce there was only one god, was it a corruption in their programming? It was never explained but I always found it very compelling to have it scripted this way. Caprica has human monotheistic cults, and one of them just happens to have their memory loaded into the first cylon prototype...the cylon that will be copied for all future cylons, so the "one god" idea was a human idea. For me, cylons lost some of their danger...they weren't thinking as radically different from humans as I thought.

Destroyed Myth #2: Cylons evolved artificial intelligence. Again, I thought that man created the cylons and overtime corruption or deduction led to cylon artificial intelligence. Nope, their intelligence is due to the brain scan loaded into the first cylon...without this the cylons were useless.

Destroyed Myth #3: Cylons were created to benefit society. I don't know if it was ever specifically mentioned, but for some reason I thought the cylons were created to be helpful to the human race. Yes, they would provide labor and the workforce, allowing humans to be more creative and enjoy themselves. I thought that later they cylons were co-opted for military purposes or maybe only because violent when they rebelled. Not so. According to Caprica, their first purpose was military purposes. Of course if you create something evil it will turn on you, I found it much more compelling when I thought something created in a good spirit became bitter and turned on their creators.

There are many more ideas that I had which Caprica just destroyed but those are some of the main tenets in my mind. The show had more problems than that though. The main thing that really turned me off were that all characters were pretty morally corrupt. There just wasn't a character that I could relate too (being such a bastion of virtue that I am). I found it hard to watch and felt that I didn't have anyone to root for. Do you root for the business man that will do anything to make money, the members of the mob, or the religious cult with terrorist intentions? I couldn't relate to any of them. It was not like BSG where semi-normal people were thrown into a situation where they were forced to make the best of all bad choices...the Caprica characters were just kind of evil from the beginning.

I also was hoping for more of the other eleven planets of the twelve colonies in Battlestar Galactica. Yes, it was named Caprica...so obviously most of the story will take place there but I hoped to see more of the other planets. And when they did show the other planets? All indoor shots. It was disappointing. To have a solar system to use but yet to focus on only one location. I was also disappointed in the views of Caprica City. I think they were trying to show it as a society at it's peak, were everything starts to become corrupt...but even so, it just didn't feel quite right. BSG takes place less than 60 years later and it is a beautiful and idyllic place. From the corruption and dirtiness of Caprica to the peacefulness of BSG in 60 years...including a 10+ year war in-between? It just didn't see right.

Caprica's Cylon

But and image I couldn't get out of my brain was the cylon itself. At first glance, I was like that is pretty bad ass. Of course, it is bulkier and not as refined as the cylons of the future but it is pretty good. But the more I saw it, the more it disturbed me. It was several episodes in before I decided what it was...and my perception is totally affected by my knowing that Zoe's (the creators daughter) personality is loaded inside. I think those are ammo magazines encircling its waist but combine that with the two silver ol' timey microphone looking things on it's chest and this is what I see every single time (color enhanced for your pleasure). I really wish I didn't.

What I wish I didn't see

That all being said, Caprica wasn't horrible. I did keep coming back and watching week after week...but it was usually the show on my DVR that I would watch last. The show I would watch when I had run out of other stuff to watch. I did find some of it interesting, I just didn't find it nearly as engrossing as Battlestar Galactica had been. I am slightly disappointed to see it go, because I think that maybe it would have evolved into something better. However, it's cancellation supposedly has allowed Syfy (ack) to change the planned webisode series Blood and Chrome into a regular television series. Blood and Chrome is purported to be centered around the first Cylon war...the war where the robots rebelled. It sounds like it will be closer in feeling to BSG than to Caprica. I'm looking forward to it.

It's People!

2010-11-03T13:38:00.000-05:00

I love breakfast cereal. Whenever I get a box, I will usually have one bowl or cereal with milk and then eat the rest straight out of the box over then next day or two. I am a firm believer in the Chuck Biscuits' theory of cerealogy - "All breakfast cereal, ALL breakfast cereal should have sugar...and lots of it." If a cereal doesn't have sugar, sugar must be added. A few spoonfuls of sugar can make even the grossest cereal tasty and then you have the delicious milk syrup afterwards.

However, Chuck and I disagree with his taste preferences because I have never been one for marshmallows in my cereal. Cereal marshmallows are gross, although admittedly fun to squish against the top of your mouth. Breakfast cereals have a distinct hierarchy in my house.

Fruity Pebbles
Cookie Crisp
Cocoa Krispies
Cap'n Crunch Berries (but not the all Crunch Berry variety)
Frosted Flakes
Cinnamon Life
Apple Jacks
Cracklin' Oat Bran
Raisin Bran
Everything Else
Kix (worst of the worst)

There has been something that has disturbed me ever since I was a kid about Fruity Pebbles. I understand they are supposed to be little fruity rocks, and who better to advertise little fruity rocks than the boys from Bedrock - Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble. Genius, right? Until you start thinking that Fred's daughter was named Pebbles. How did the marketing guys not think about this? I always get this picture in my head (especially after seeing The Wall in the mid-80's). Whenever I grab a bowl, this thought always goes through my mind "Fruity pebbles...it's people!" ala Soylent Green.

Even if it is people, it is still delicious.

Enjoy!

Worst Shows Ever #1

2010-10-26T14:19:00.000-05:00

As a music lover, I've been to A LOT of shows - huge sold out stadium shows, tiny bar shows with a handful of people, awesome shows that lived up to and exceeded all expectations and shows that were great but for a reason I never could have anticipated. But this isn't about those shows...this is about the AWFUL shows. The shows that make you feel like you wasted your time and money...the ones that leave a pit in your stomach and may even make you dislike a band that you used to love. Sometimes its the band, sometimes other factors but no matter what the cause these shows were terrible. These are my top 10 horrible shows.*

1. Urge Overkill, Iowa City early 2004

When talking to people, it seems that most people only know Urge Overkill from their cover of Girl, You'll be a Woman Soon on the Pulp Fiction Soundtrack. I guess it is better than them not knowing Urge Overkill at all but it was always a little disappointing because UO had so much great original music. You have probably heard other Urge Overkill songs like Sister Havana and Positive Bleeding, but just didn't realize it was UO.

Urge Overkill wrote killer rock songs. It was just a great blend of guitar riffs, catchy vocals, and an awesome dynamic. UO had two lead singers in the band and they switched off on the various songs. Nato Kash seemed to be the singer of most of the songs that got released as singles, but King Roeser could definitely hold his own, it was just a little different style. I enjoyed both. In my mind these guys were the atypical understated rock gods - talented and cool as hell but still under the radar of most people.

I was disappointed that I had never got to see Urge Overkill live when they broke up in 1997. I don't remember how we heard about the show but all of a sudden UO was scheduled to play in Iowa City sometime in 2004. We were both very excited for the show and I spent the next couple weeks listening to all my UO albums preparing. The show was at a newer bar called Iowa City Yacht Club. We hadn't heard of ICYC but it seemed like the owners were really into two things - good music and barbecue. Day of the show Kelly and I decided to head to Iowa City quite a bit earlier than we normally would have for a concert to check the place out and get some ribs.

We arrived at the ICYC around 5pm, the show started around 8pm. The place is pretty dead when we arrive and we order some ribs. While sitting there waiting for our food, we were like "Huh, I think that is the band at the bar." It was. Most of the band looked like they had a few drinks and went about other business. Not Nato Kash. Nato looked to be hitting (unsuccessfully) on young girls and continued drinking. We wait quite a while for our food but it is pretty good once it finally does arrive. We finish eating about 2 hours after we first arrive and Nato is still drinking at the bar. Eventually, the opening band Lost Vegas takes the stage. Lost Vegas was a really good rock band, reminding me somewhat of Junkyard. This Lost Vegas is not to be confused with Last Vegas or any of several Lost Vegas tribute bands. These guys were out and out rock and it was a great set. They seem to have disappeared in the years since. Unfortunately, that was the peak of the night. Sometime during Lost Vegas' set, Nato finally left the bar.

Lost Vegas played their set and then it was time to wait. Lost Vegas did exactly what a good opening band is supposed to do. The crowd was primed and pumped up and ready to rock out with Urge Overkill. But we wait. Roadies switch over all the equipment and do the sound check. We wait, and wait, and wait. In my opinion, switchover and breaks between bands should be 15 minutes...half hour tops. We waited for about an hour and a half...no where near GNR, but way too long. By the time most of Urge Overkill starts populating the stage, my excitement had flagged noticeably and I just wanted to get the show started. One problem...no Nato Kash. After about another 15-20 minutes, Nato finally shows up. He is being helped down the stairs (this club is in the basement of a building) by the manager/roadie. OK, he wasn't being helped, he was basically being carried. You could see his feet not working and he couldn't make the coordinated effort to conquer the steps.

Updated for accuracy

Kelly and I both look at each other and think that this doesn't bode well. Finally, Nato arrives on stage and despite being very drunk is able to hold his guitar and stand up with only moderate stumbling. At one point he sort of rests his forehead against the microphone like the coolness of it is awesome. I thought he was going to vomit. Urge Overkill starts to play...and it is not good. Nato is unable to play and unable to sing. The band seems to try to stick with songs fronted by King, but Nato's guitar playing and background vocals are terrible. The roadie/guitar tech tries turning down Nato's guitar amp in the sound mixer, but Nato keeps jacking up the knob on his cabinet and when it is shut off completely he gets pissed so his levels are brought back up. You know when your own sound guy is trying to cut you out of the mix that something is really amiss. It really doesn't sound good...but the first few songs are all songs that they crowd seems to be unfamiliar with (I'm guessing most people had only heard the couple songs played on the radio). Everyone is cheering except for Kelly and I, who are booing. It is THAT bad. I don't think I have every booed anything before or since, but it was the only response. No one else seemed to notice the awfulness the first couple songs but that was because Nato was playing a minor role. Unfortunately, the third song featured Nato more notably. His guitar riffs were a total mess, but his singing was a real train wreck. Wrong lyrics, slurred, off time and tone. Finally, a couple others in the crowd start to notice and after our booing after the song, someone else joins in with "Yeah that was pretty assy." Nato started molesting the next song and Kelly and I are no longer only booing between songs. It is awful, it is not right what is happening with this music. We are now booing Nato whenever he tries to sing. Once again their sound guy tries to stop Nato's musical rape by turning off his microphone but Nato wouldn't take it and grabs the microphone from King.

Kelly and I were then asked to leave by a bouncer. He even kind of threatened Kelly when he started to argue. This is the only time that I have ever been kicked out of any place. 2 hours driving to get there, $50 in tickets, $40 in ribs, 4 hours of waiting...and we get kicked out after 4 songs. What are you supposed to do in such a situation? As a fan at a show your only recourse is your voice. Our booing wasn't nearly as bad as what was happening on stage. I have to think when Urge Overkill started playing their more popular songs that other people in the crowd would notice how awful it really was. Although I am not a person who usually boos, this concert compelled me to. I emailed the Iowa City Yacht Club (ICYC) the next day about the bullshit of kicking us out and they said that UO's management apologized to the club and promised that somehow they would make up for the terrible show...so obviously ICYC complained too, they just had someone to talk to directly. Of course, ICYC didn't apologize to us. Claimed we were "disturbing other fans." I have been to many shows were other people have booed. It never bothered me one bit, its just one of those things that happens. Most the time, I never even notice because I am caught up in the music. Oh well. I haven't been back to the Iowa City Yacht Club or listened to an Urge Overkill CD since...and I don't have any desire to. Both are pretty much dead to me.

So what makes this the worst show? Both a combination of a terrible show with horrible treatment from the club...the funny thing is that we would have probably left in a couple songs anyways (it was that bad) but the fact that the club took the time to actually kick us out just confirmed the fact that everything about this show sucked ass. Nato, I can't even tell you how pathetic the whole thing was...and it could have been so great, but you wanted to be a drunk. Fuck you. I see you are just now coming out with new music, I probably would have been the first in line but now I have no respect for you and no desire to listen to your music. Just remember a great show can make fans but a show where you show up as a drunken asshole can alienate your biggest fans.

That's it. My top ten. I am glad it's over...it actually took a lot more out of me writing these posts that I would have guessed. Instead of Two Minutes Hate, each post was like an hour of hate and I was always tired afterwards. Reliving these shows stirred up all the bad memories and they still make me angry. These posts are actually much more articulate than I often feel because otherwise today's post would have basically been "Urge Overkill, you suck, you drunk, fucking asshole. Fuck you, you fucking, fucker." Although that feels right, it really doesn't explain much. I want these posts to help people understand what makes a show horrible, because I still see many of these mistakes repeated over and over by both large and small bands.

I might do a "Worst Shows - Honorable Mentions" post in the next couple weeks but it won't deal with each show as in depth. I also plan to do a Top Ten Greatest Shows Ever series, but I really need a little break from writing about shows and music.

*These are off the top of my head, I am sure that I could go through my stubs and find more. I don't think I left out any major suck-fests though.