"Fun Day" at Adventureland

On Sept 11th I went to the local amusement park, Adventureland.  I wasn't about to let the terrorists win by not having fun on this day.  It was a beautiful weekend and I figured with all the 9/11 stuff going on that the park might not be too busy.  Neither Jesse Eisenberg, nor Kristen Stewart were working that day.

I had been years since I had been to Adventureland...the closest that I could figure out was perhaps I was there around 2001.  I am not sure why it had been so long.  Adventureland is a pretty decent amusement park...sure it is not as big or as exciting as World's of Fun, Six Flags, or Disney...but it 10 minutes away.  I  think part of my long absence had to do with the fact that Adventureland didn't really change that much for a long time.  The last time I was there The Underground was still being touted as the new, exciting ride and it was several years old at this point (and sucked).  I guess, being older is also part of it - either no one wants to go or everyone has kids (and I've had plenty of the Infant Ocean).

Adventureland had changed a lot since I had been there.  I knew there were lots of new rides like the Space Shot and Splash Over, as well as, the entire new water park area Adventure Bay.  Then there was the fire a couple years back.  The heart of Adventureland remains - the circuit where you head left, jump on the Galleon, walk back grab a funnel cake, twirl on the Lady Luck, head to the Tornado, take a spin on the Silly Silo, and then jump aboard the Sky Lift to start back at the beginning.

The Tornado - a classic

I brought my swimsuit to check out Adventure Bay, but it was closed...which makes sense, I am sure it would take more effort than it is worth to keep the water clean all week only to be open on the weekends.  I was a little sad, I didn't get a chance to test it out though.  There was still plenty to do.  I enjoyed all the rides that I went on (a couple like Splash Over and the Inverter happened to be closed this day).  Space Shot was just what I expected and fun.  Short lines meant next to no waiting, so you could easily ride several times in a row.  All three roller coasters were still pretty good.  The Outlaw was rougher than I remembered, but the Dragon still knocked my head around leaving me with a minor headache...just like I remembered.  The Tornado is still a highlight for me.  It doesn't really have any gimmicks like many of today's coasters, it doesn't go upside down, it doesn't corkscrew, or have an incredible vertical drop...The Tornado is just a classic wooden roller coaster and is still pretty thrilling and fun 35ish years later.  The first (and maybe the second or even third) time I went to Adventureland as a child, I was too short for the Tornado.  I was super envious of my older brother who could ride (although secretly a little relieved too).  I wonder if the still sell the "I survived The Tornado" t-shirts like they used to in the 80's.  I didn't think to look.  The Tornado really doesn't seem that scary of a coaster now, but I remember it being the height cool to have one of these tees back in the day.

My favorite ride of the day...well, probably the Silly Silo.  That has always been one of my favorites ever since I first came to Adventureland.  How can you not like spinning until you are stuck to the wall?  It is awesome.  I didn't ride it fifteen times in a row like when I was a kid (even though I was tempted), but a couple times was good and brought back good memories.  Luckily, I have never been on it when someone has vomitted, but it did happen while I was sitting on the bench waiting for friends to get back from the Log Ride...employees rushed up with buckets, mops, and bleach, and the Silo was closed for about 30 minutes.

Yee-Haw

My favorite "new" ride...new to me...was The Sidewinder.  This ride did not exist the last time I was here.  It is a giant swinging arm, where riders sit in saddle shaped seats on rotating disc at the bottom of the pendulum.  I thought the best way to ride was to just be totally relaxing and let your body flop around like a rag doll.  It was good time - short bursts of free fall when the pendulum hit its peak and then nice centripetal force as it swings down and back up the other way.  Since the bottom of the pendulum slowly rotated, you were never sure if you would be facing up or down when you hit the top of the arc.  Both where fun, but I found I had to grab hold of my sunglasses when I ended up facing down...next time, they will be in my pocket (lesson learned).  Every one of the the "new" rides were lots of fun, and I must applaud Adventureland for adding a good variety of entertaining rides over the past decade.

Der Flitzer/Himalaya  (photo courtesy of
Lakesidecyclone @ Coaster Fanatics)

Even though all those are all still good, I still really miss the Der Flitzer roller coaster (my family called it the Himalaya coaster...in fact, I didn't even know it was called anything else until writing this piece and trying to find a picture).  It was the small snow capped mountain themed coaster, that was to the left as you walked in the park in the Alpine area...where the Giant Skywheel is now.  The coaster was the epitome of Adventureland for me for several reasons.  First, it was the coaster that I could always ride (when I was too short for the Tornado) and I always rode it several times whenever my family went to Adventureland.  Der Flitzer was also always the first ride we went on...probably because it was the first ride that you would come to when entering the park, but that is besides the point.  Once you rode this, you really felt like you were at Adventureland and were ready for a day of rides, games, and cotton candy.

Take a chance and win some crap!

I was disappointed in the Alpine Games area...including the new arcade.  Although I have heard that this area didn't bring in as much money as the other two games areas.  This was always the games area for me...it had the huge bank of full size skee ball machines, it had ring toss, frog launch, and the various basketball and milk can games.  It had a little bit of everything.  I remember playing skee ball there with my older brother and working on winning a couple small stuffed moose, that we then combined and traded for a large stuffed moose...which we would then fight over who actually owned the moose for the next several years.  Sure, we probably spend $25 for a $1.50 moose, but that moose was pure gold in our hearts.  The Alpine Games area was on the way out...this is where you would spend the last of your money.  You didn't want to be that guy that wins the huge stuffed animal and then look stupid carrying around all day (I'm looking at your shaved headed, Harley vest guy carrying the giant stuffed neon green raccoon).  Wait till you are about to leave, then play the games.  This was my philosophy.  Most of that area is gone now.  There are still a few of the stand alone games, but the ones connected to main street are all gone in the re-built main street.  Supposedly, this elimination of these games gave more room for the Penny Arcade.  I always loved this arcade...I loved the fact that at least half of the arcade was dedicated to classic games - Pac Man, Donkey Kong, Galaga, Ikari Warriors, Spy Hunter, Jungle Lord pinball...you could go in this arcade and just play tons of great games from the Golden Age of video games.  It was something special, something that you just didn't see very often any more.  I guess they all burned in the fire because the new arcade might have been bigger but it had far fewer games (I would call it a handful) and they were all the new ticket redemption games like Deal or No Deal or Big Bass Wheel.  It just didn't seem like an arcade...you can play just as many (and the same games) in Wal-mart.  So what was taking up all the room in the "new and bigger" arcade?  Adventureland decided to move the G-Force ride in there (that was like the Scrambler but for little kids).  It was very disappointing.  I knew it would be difficult replacing some of the classic games, but I had hoped they would at least have a few...and if not, may be some newer arcade games that you don't see every place else.  I don't even think they tried.  It is sad.

It was a "Fun Day"

My favorite thing of the entire day though was a sign right outside of the souvenir shop as you first walked in the gates.  This sign brought me all kinds of joy (sorry for the not so great picture).  Why would this be written in some sort of title case?  But even more pressing what do you mean by "Fun Day"?  Usually when something is in quotes like that, it doesn't actually mean what the words actually say...or is said in a sarcastic tone.  I know there a entire blogs dedicated to inappropriate use of quotation marks, so it is nothing really new, but I still found it highly amusing.  After reading this sign, I wasn't entirely sure how much fun I was actually going to have...maybe they were trying to tell me something!  But it did start off the day with a smile and snicker at other people's idiocy.

Adventureland stands up better than I thought it would 10 years ago.  I had a good time...although I wish it was a little less expensive.  If you haven't been to Adventureland in a while, I would suggest that you check it out.  For me it was a good mix of new experiences and old memories.

Worst Shows Ever #10

As a music lover, I've been to A LOT of shows - huge sold out stadium shows, tiny bar shows with a handful of people, awesome shows that lived up to and exceeded all expectations and shows that were great but for a reason I never could have anticipated.  But this isn't about those shows...this is about the AWFUL shows.  The shows that make you feel like you wasted your time and money...the ones that leave a pit in your stomach and may even make you dislike a band that you used to love.  Sometimes its the band, sometimes other factors but no matter what the cause these shows were terrible.  These are my top 10 horrible shows.*

10. Marilyn Manson - Five Seasons Center, Cedar Rapids

I hate to call this one of the worst shows ever because it was truly amazing.  It was the Rock is Dead Tour...one third of the show consisted of stuff from the Mechanical Animals album and two thirds consisted of Antichrist Super Star and earlier.  The remainder of the tour had just been canceled a few days before due to pressure after the Columbine shootings, so I was hoping for a longer than normal, all stops pulled out "End of tour/Farewell" show.  I live in Iowa...no one ends there tour here, I was hoping for something special.  I got something special alright, a nice big kick to the furry beanbag (or so it seemed).

A grainy picture of the Marilyn Manson show.

This was a BIG production.  Pyrotechnics, elaborate sets, back-up singers, people on stilts, and awesome music.  It was really shaping up to be a great show.  I liked the Mechanical Animal stuff and was impressed with the performances of Drugs, The Dope Show, etc...  But I was really looking forward to the Antichrist stuff.  I had seen the Antichrist tour a couple times and it was always amazing.  Plus, Antichrist Superstar was still my favorite album at the time.  During the Antichrist set, a podium/pulpit is set up and Marilyn Mason "preaches" through the songs and at one point acts like a puppet master for the audience.  There is this sort of Nazi propaganda type feel with all the bands in matching suits, boots, and lightning bolt armbands...with big lightning bolt banners hanging behind them.  It's hard to convey if you haven't seen it in person but it is stunning and very powerful.  I never believed in Manson as a leader or role model but as a entertainer he is great.

A poor recreation of the smiley face incident.

The band just starts playing, and Manson is singing from his podium.  It is great.  I really couldn't be happier with the show.  Then all of a sudden it all ended.  I can't tell you what happened for sure, but here is what looked like happened from our vantage point.  It looked like one of the roadies or someone from the tour had placed a large smiley face sticker over the lightning bolt symbol on Manson's podium.  I actually thought it was funny and seemed like the kind of gag that someone would play on the last show of a major tour.  No big deal, right?  Wrong.  Manson noticed about halfway through the song and didn't look happy about it.  Like it was ruining his evil reputation or something.  He tries to peel the sticker off but is unsuccessful.  He finishes the song and walks off stage.  The band stands on stage a couple minutes then walks off.  We wait about 15 minutes for Manson to come back on stage but the house lights come on and the security people start herding people to the door.

WHAT?  It was 40 minutes into a concert that should have been two hours at the least.  Walking out of the concert hall, all the fans were talking about "What an amazing show it was" and all I could was that they must have never seen Marilyn Manson before because they just got screwed out of the majority of the show.  I had seen Manson as an opening act perform a show this long.  Sure what we saw was good, but it was still only 1/3 of the show...like paying full price to only see the first three innings of a baseball game.  I wish I was like the younger kids seeing Marilyn Manson for the first time so I wouldn't know what I was missing because I felt totally ripped off.  All because of a smiley face sticker.  Seriously?  You take yourself so seriously that you end a concert (a concert that like 10,000 kids paid $30 each to see) because of a smiley face sticker.  I lost a lot of respect for Marilyn Manson that day.  He no longer seemed like the misfit that I could relate to, he now seemed like spoiled prima donna rockstar.  I expected this type of behavior from Axl Rose not Marilyn Manson.

It doesn't help that a couple years later, we drive to Omaha to see Marilyn Manson on the Coma Tour...but it was canceled due to a blizzard in Wisconsin.  Supposedly the equipment trailers couldn't make it in time to set up.  I know that is not Manson's fault but it was a disappointment...the bigger disappointment was that it wasn't announced on the radio or anything.  We didn't find out until we drove 2 hours to the arena, walked up and read a note on the door.  Really?  I have seen him in concert since, but I am always a little hesitant to commit to a long distance drive and am not nearly as enthusiastic about it as I once was.  I am still a fan, but the behavior from the Cedar Rapids show made me not want to be the hardcore fan that I had previously been.

*These are off the top of my head, I am sure that I could go through my stubs and find more.  I don't think I left out any major suck-fests though.

There was a Sequel? (part 3)

There was a Sequel? (part 3)



Remember that movie that you saw that one time...it was well written, it had famous stars, and was just a good stand alone movie. It was the talk of the office for a couple weeks. Yeah that's the one. Thinking about it even now almost makes you want to go rent the DVD.



Did you see the sequel?



Yes, they made a sequel. That movie was too popular and made too much money for there not to be a sequel. For some reason, I have always enjoyed watching these horrible attempts at re-creating a pop culture phenomenon. I'm not talking about the high profile sequels like Star Wars, Rocky, Friday the 13th, etc... I'm not talking about movies that have the support of the original creators, writers, directors, and stars. I'm talking about low budget, no name actor, writer refuses to have anything to do with movies.


I'm talking about:

The Jerk Too
 

 

The original is CLASSIC.  There is nothing that I don't love about it.  Steve Martin is the perfect dimwitted fool.  Much like Caddyshack, The Jerk contains quotes that I find applicable all the time.

"The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here!"
"Boy, I wish I could get that excited about nothing."
"Nothing? Are you kidding? Page 73 - Johnson, Navin R.! I'm somebody now! Millions of people look at this book everyday! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity - your name in print - that makes people. I'm in print! Things are going to start happening to me now."

"He hates these cans. Stay away from the cans."

"It was never easy for me. I was born a poor black child."

"You mean I'm gonna STAY this color?"

"Damn these glasses son."

"Yes, sir. I damn thee."

"I'm picking out a Thermos for you. Not an ordinary Thermos for you. But the extra best Thermos that you can buy, with vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in."

The quotes (and more) are so golden that you can practically use them every day.  Of a long list of fantastic 70s and 80s movies that starred Steve Martin, The Jerk is probably my favorite....and that is saying a lot with Planes, Trains, & Automobiles; Three Amigos; Little Shop of Horrors; The Man With Two Brains, and others being in the mix.

The Jerk Too was made in 1984 as made for television movie that I am pretty sure they were trying to use to set up a weekly sitcom.  I tried watching it...twice.  Honestly, I never made it much past the opening credits.  The opening credits were THAT cheesy.  Once again, like Phenomenon II, they decided to retell the same story (or at least have the same character) as the original.  I think when the original is SO well done that this is just not a good idea for a sequel...but I guess starting over with a new character wouldn't maximize profits.  Mark Blankfield, the new Navin, didn't come off as a dim witted but lovable loser...he came off as completely retarded.  It went beyond stupid, beyond idiotic...if he was supposed to be mentally challenged it was a complete slap to the face of anyone who deals with that condition.  It was completely repugnant.

 

You've seen Mark Blankfield before...I know I have, he had bit parts in many, many TV shows and movies.  he might even have been decent in some, but there is no way that he is talented enough to fill Steve Martin's shoes.

 

 

Here is a clip that is on Youtube.  This clip is actually decent compared to the first couple minutes that I remember seeing.

 

 
Once again, the movie is so terrible that it is not even available on DVD in the United States...unlucky viewers in the UK and Europe can find it and use it to build up courage to kill themselves.  I give it a 1 out of 10 stars...and that is only because I didn't actually watch the whole thing.

You Sure Got Me!

Today is a pretty great day weather-wise, so I decided to take a lunch break.  During winter or when the weather is bad, I tend to skip my lunch break and work.  Mainly this is to keep me from spending money that I really don't need to spend, but it also helps make up for the days that I am late to work (read that as EVERY day).

So today is beautiful and I plan to run a few errands.  I am enjoying driving with my windows down and taking in all the beginnings of spring.  I am taking the day at calm, speed-limit (55mph) pace.  However, the pickup truck behind me feels otherwise.  He is driving right on my bumper, and acting like he is going to pass me all the time (which he doesn't do even though there were several opportunities). 

Eventually, we come to a four-way stop.  Myself and a car to the right of me both stopped at the stop sign at the same time.  As I learned in Driver's Ed, the car to your right has the right of way.  So I waved the other driver to go ahead.  This did not sit well with Mr Pickup Truck.  I can see him slam his hands on his steering wheel and complain to his buddy in the passenger seat.  I think to myself,  "Oops, he must really be in a hurry.  Sorry."  After both I an the truck get through the stop sign, he finally decides to pass me...which was one of the worst possible times to pass.  He made it safely past, but I am sure he scared the hell out of the on coming drivers.  I am not surprised to see that he has a decal of Calvin pissing on something in his back window.  That should be the end of the story right?  The pickup speeding off because of the huge hurry he is in.

Not Surprised...

It isn't the end.  Evidently, by driving the speed limit and wasting his precious time by allowing another car to go first at the stop sign, I have caused some sort of grievous injury.  Now that he in front of me, Mr Pickup slows down...55mph, 50mph, 45mph, 40mph.  Even though I am enjoying a leisurely drive, there is a time limit on my lunch break, so once he gets to 40mph, I try to pass.  Mr Pickup Truck then speeds up to 70mph to prevent the pass.  I pull back behind him and I can see him laughing with his buddy.  Whatever...at least we are going the speed limit again. 

Finally, we come to a stop light.  Mr Pickup Truck does not move when the light turns green, for two minutes he sits there to "punish" me...while traffic piles up behind me.  When the light turns yellow, he speeds through it and everyone else has to sit through another red light.  Man, I guess you sure got me!  Lesson learned...oh wait, everyone thinks that you're the asshole in this situation.   Nice try doucher...you made me laugh at your idiocy.

A Strange Urge

Anytime I walk into a movie theater and there is only one other person/couple/small group there...I always have the urge to either sit right next to them or right in front of them.  This is especially true if they are in a random seat and not somewhere that makes sense like the dead center of the theater.

I know this would totally piss me off if I was them because there is a whole fraking theater to choose from.  Yet, it crosses my mind every time. Seriously, how weird would it be if you were the only couple in the theater and in comes some guy that picks the seat right next to your girlfriend out of the 200 other empty seats?  I think I want to see how they would react and see how uncomfortable it would actually be...but I also think a part of me may just be a total dick.