My Apologies

My sincerest apologies, dear interwebicon, I know I have been neglecting you. I know it seems like this blog has evolved into just Two Minutes of Hate...that is not what I want. It has been really hectic here in the Gubbyverse and I have not had time to write lovely words for you to absorb into your grey matter. The TMH's are often written 3 or 4 at a time, weeks in advance and automatically scheduled to post...so it is not that I am full of more hate, just haven't had the time to write other ramblings. This week there will not even be hate as my pre-written hates are now exhausted. I promise that I will be back to a more regular schedule (and more than just hate next week). Sorry that I suck.

-Gubby

Two Minutes Hate

Snow

I don't hate snow on principle. I am not a winter person, I don't ski or snowboard or whatever, so the hassles that come with snow seem even worse because I don't really see the positive side. I hate the byproducts that snow causes - driveway scooping, coldness, and idiot drivers (as a few examples).

I don't mind scooping the driveway with a nice light, fluffy inch or two of snow. I actually kind of like it for the exercise aspect. It feels good to work out the muscles. The crisp air can be very refreshing as you are bundled up and sweating from the workout. I hate the large amounts of heavy, wet snow...the stuff you have to get up at 5am to scoop in order to make it to work on time. Not only am I tired from waking up early, but then I have to put in a pretty serious workout on top? Not for me...I'd rather be sleeping. Of course, the people who "love snow" and "Can't wait for it to snow" are not getting up early to help out, they are happy to stay in bed. But the friendly, local snowplow is aways there to help out - packing in the huge pile at the bottom of the drive. I live at the top of a "T" intersection and I will tell you that the snow plow driver loves to drive up the leg of the T and plow all that snow into my driveway. Thanks! It really is lovely, every time you do that.

Cold is self-explanatory...I just don't like feeling cold. Idiot drivers have been talked about before on the blog. But another thing that really drives me nuts during winter/snow/snowstorms is my co-workers. I hate how when there is the slightest chance of snow that they are constantly on the meteorological sights looking at the radar, reading forecasts, and yelling back and forth what the updates are. I just want to do my job and ignore the weather while I am here, please stop shoving it down my throat every 2 minutes. I don't care. Sure, I don't mind being sent home due to dangerous conditions -but it is not like we are twelve and have a big test coming up this afternoon. Do YOUR job, get off the weather websites and speculating if the boss is going to send us home. A) Chances are that it is not going to happen, we are after all adults; B) even if it does happen, you know what I am going to do with my afternoon off? Scoop snow! Not really a grand vacation snow day of watching cartoons, having snowball fights, and drinking hot chocolate.

End Hate

Arrrr....Ye Mights Like It

Pirate Flag courtesy of wikimedia commons.

I would highly suggest anyone with a Facebook account to set their language to "Pirate (English)."


It is pretty much the best thing about Facebook. What does it do, you ask?


Regular Facebook: "xxx became friends with xxx and thinks you may know them too".

Pirate Facebook "Arr! XXX became mateys with XXX! That landlubber thinks ye know xxx too. Spy this matey and send the name o' xxx out to other pirates. Follow the map below." BTW - the map is the link.


It cracks me up every time. It almost...almost...makes me like Facebook.


My absolute favorite part is in the options menu. "Mobile" is now called "Pocket Parrot." I think I may start calling my phone "pocket parrot" in real life.


I proudly fly the pirate flag in life.

Two Minutes Hate

Lack of Consistency (in computer programs)

I use a lot of Microsoft Office programs during the work day. I am not a Microsoft fanboy, nor am I am person who refers to them as Micro$oft. I think they have decent programs for the most part but I find it hard to really love or hate a company that makes utilitarian products.

I will admit that it the various programs do drive me a little crazy once in a while. My biggest pet peeve is that inconsistency in the features of the programs. I think if I get a program from the same manufacturer (in the same suite) that they should have similar options. I am not talking about the main function of the program - I don't expect MS Word to be a full database program, and I don't expect Access to be able to type letters. I am talking about the smaller things, the options that it seems would be easy to implement to allow all the programs to work similarly.

A few Examples:

• In Excel, there is the option where you can choose that you want to print your data X pages wide by X pages tall. This is pretty much the greatest thing when printing. To have the program automatically scale everything down to fit in my desired size is awesome, I use this all the time. Why can't I do this on Word? Why do I manually have to play with borders, line-spacing, and font size to get a letter that is just a few words over 1 page in length to print on one page? Why can't I have the button to click that says - "hey print this all on one sheet"?
• In Word, I can "Snake" columns of data, so that when it gets to the end of the page it continues the data in the next column on the same page. Why can't Excel handle this? It is a database program...why can't I specify that I want there to be 3 columns per page and I want the data to snake? Seriously, this would save so much time and paper.
• Excel can have cells with 32,000ish characters in them, a memo field in Access can have 63,000ish. Why can't these be the same? In fact, as they are, they don't seem to work have the time when exporting & importing. My data almost always gets trimmed to 255 "text" field characters. What is up with that? It should be much easier.
• I usually want my default views, my toolbars, and other defaults to be very similar between programs. Why can't I set a master toolbar that works for all MS Office programs and then have another program specific toolbar that contains more specific functions. Why do I have to go into each program and say that I want "New File, Open Close, Save, Save As, Print Preview, Quick Print" to show up on each program?

These are just a few examples of the idiocies about computer programs not working together as they should. I do have to hand it to MS for helping make the menus more consistent (although still room for improvement).
End Hate

Once Again a Failure

For the past few years I have been celebrating No-Shave November. I hate having facial hair but also hate shaving and completely lazy. November is my designated month to not even shave my normal two times a week.


No-Shave November exists for a few reasons


A) gives me a chance to hit snooze again in the morning, I hate getting up when the weather starts changing to winter.

B) gives me an excuse to look all scruffy (besides being totally lazy)

C) makes me appreciate shaving for a couple months afterwards

D) lets me see if I have matured into an adult male able to grow a beard.


I am calling an early end to No-Shave November (again). I have once again proven that I am incapable of growing decent looking facial hair, and would rather look clean shaving for the family holiday gathering. It also itches like crazy and makes it hard to sleep. Once again, I am a failure in life (even at my own, pretend holiday). Some day, maybe I will grow up to be a manly man who can grow a respectable beard, but it is not this day.


Goodbye scruffy, weak-ass beard...I will most likely kill you in the morning.

RIP - scraggly beard 2009

The Gubby Spirit

Be warned, in this post you will probably read the word "Gubby" more times that you have ever wanted to.

Every holiday season at my place of employment (Gubbyco, a division of Fuckyco International), we work with a local charity group to help provide gifts to underprivileged children. Human resources call them "Star Kids" because if you want to buy a gift for a child you are given a star shaped piece of paper with the child's name, age, interests, and gift ideas. I call them Gubby Kids.

This is where "Gubby" actually came from (in case you were wondering - I'm sure you weren't). The first year that I participated in the Star Kids program, my brother invited me to go out and do something one evening but I emailed him back saying "Can't got to go buy a present for my little, grubby kid." Of course I was joking, I know it is not the children's fault that they are growing up underprivileged (and I have loved the term grubby since local band Grubby Ernie). But I mistyped and it ended up 'gubby' instead of 'grubby.' That lead to a "What's gubby?" and I realised that it was too good of a word to forget about, so I adopted it. The real meaning of gubby is nothing, but yet it is like "smurf" and can match whatever context it is used it.

I have been a big supporter of the Gubby kid program over the years. HR usually calls me as soon as the Stars come in so that I can pick out my kids first. I want to make sure that I get kids that have good interests and tastes that don't just reflect the latest fads. I prefer creativity and books over dolls and video games. I like giving gifts that although the kids to use their mind's (because honestly, growing up underprivileged they probably don't have much more...and I know if I get anything that takes batteries that within a month they probably won't be able to play with it). I usually try to get one gubby boy and one gubby girl (at the minimum).

It used to be that the best toy wish would trump everything else. I like buying cool toys, books, art supplies. Those are the things that I would have wanted when I was a kid. I think Christmas should be about toys for the kids. Then Amanda The First had to come along and put social commentary into my gift buying by saying "You know, the kids that ask for clothes and other necessities probably REALLY need those items." That actually bothered me quite a bit because she was right. I loved buying the kids the coolest toys, books, art supplies but the ones that really needed a good Christmas were the ones that required necessities just to live life. Not just a toy to make them happy at Christmas time but coats to keep them warm all winter or clothing to wear to school. These were the kids that really needed help. I really don't enjoy buying those things though, so it seemed more like a chore than a fun activity. I now compromise and choose children that have both toys and other fun items as well as more necessity items on their wish list. This way, I still get to shop for smaller toys but also fulfill some requirements for living. So far, it has been working out well for me (hopefully for the children too).

I was a little disappointed with the boys this year though as it was mostly Transformers and Bakugan. I finally chose a young boy who wanted Hot Wheels and clothes. I wasn't crazy about the Hot Wheels but knew that I could find a couple small sets to go together to make a good experience and have money left over for clothing. I was really happy with my girl this year as she was a preteen who wanted science fiction and some school clothing. She was at the perfect age I think to really appreciate the Ugly series of books and a blossoming interest in sci-fi should be nurtured because I know she is probably getting all kinds of shit for being a dork at school. I hope they enjoy their gifts and hope they and all the rest of the underprivileged children have a really good Christmas.

Hate Update (Retraction Actually)

I am rarely wrong.¹ So as I stand here² and announce that I was wrong, please know that it is a big deal.³

I would like to make it known that I re-read The Catcher in the Rye a couple months ago. After giving some time to digest and mull over, I have decided that it is not nearly as bad as I thought. It has gone from "What a god awful piece of shit" to "It's OK, I can see how some people would like it." That is an improvement of vast proportions in my mind. A book has rarely made that type of leap before.

I still think it is way over-hyped. I still think Holden is boorish (CT actually gave me that description when I was re-reading it and it was perfect). However, I will no longer think people who love this book are idiots. I can see some of the charm and see why some people connect with it so well. I might even recommend it to someone in the future (although with a caveat "don't believe the hype")

Good job J.D. Salinger. I was wrong.

¹as long as you don't count my love life, personal life, and work life
²I'm actually sitting - typing while standing is weird
³not a big deal at all

Great Bands You (prolly) Never Heard About (pt4)

Great Bands You (prolly) Never Heard About (pt4) -

The Marginal Prophets

This post is going to go in a little different musical direction than my norm. I am not much of a Rap type person. I've always been much more Rock, Metal, Punk, and even Classical and a little John Denver thrown in before rap type person. That's not to say that I don't enjoy some good rap every now and then. When I say good rap, there were two kinds of rap that I liked funny and not serious humor rap like the Beastie Boys or Hardcore rap in the vein of Public Enemy, NWA, and Ice-T. I always had a problem with the middle ground type of rap/hip hop because it was either forgettable or too corny for me to really like. I just couldn't take it seriously - like when they tried to re-invent Hammer as a Gangsta Rapper. I just couldn't listen to it. I either wanted something that was not serious at all and the artist new it or I wanted really hardcore stuff. I also liked artists who used to actually rap and not just go "Ugh" and shake their head like P.Diddy seemed to be up to all the time in the 90's. I'm also not a big fan of total digitally enhanced singing like Kanye (although I do love T.Pain on backups). I liked good word play and interesting music. In the late 90's and early 2000's it had been years since I had really listened to anything hip hop or rap related because nothing stuck with me. Maybe a little bit of Tupac, Snoop, and Eminem but mostly Rap was dead to me.

Along came The Marginal Prophets...they fit in the humor rap category but they were much more than just funny lyrics. I first became aware of The Marginal Prophets, when I worked at as the program director for my college student radio station. It was one of the many random CDs that we received one week. I thought the artwork was decent but didn't hold much faith for the music. I was wrong. MP used tons of samples (without permission) to wonderful and great effect. You'll hear Status Quo, Tori Amos, Jesus Christ Superstar, and everything in between. I do mean everything. Basically they are the hip-hop version of Scatterbrain. There are more samples on each track than most albums have in their entirety. Usually I would say that is a bad thing...but here it works. The samples are interwoven and layered to make a very interesting base. Even if you don't like the traditional bass heavy rap music, you will be able to connect and groove to something on this CD, it has a little something for everyone. Being non-musically talented as I am, I thought to myself "Now this is the type of CD I would make" but of course I wouldn't and couldn't because the Prophets are talented even if you think they are just "borrowing someone else's music."

I am really only familiar with their debut CD - Twist the Knob. Not everything on it is a masterpiece but I find that I can listen to it all in a sitting very easily and not get bored (which is pretty rare for any rap/hip-hop album for me). It is one of those albums where I am constantly discovering new lyrics that I had overlooked and they always bring me new appreciation for the Prophets. Here are a few of my favorites off the album:

Phat in the Whole (Rock Mix)

Like This!

Girlfriend is the Best


So why am I am only familiar with their debut album? Well, I actually ordered their second album Bohemian Rap CD (which still makes me chuckle) when it first came out. I listened to it once and it disappeared. Completely. Gone. No sign of the CD, the case, or even the packaging that I received it in. It was kind of weird...I have lost CDs before, many times in fact, but this was strange as I could not even start to guess where it went. Usually I have some idea, whether I left if at work, accidentally dropped it out of a car, or loaned it to someone...I usually halfway know what happened to it. Marginal Prophets? No trace, the men and black must have come and repo'd it. It had too much power for this world. I need to buy it again but you don't mess with forces like that. What were my first impressions? Well that it was much more polished than their original. Truthfully, not sure if that was bad or good. I remember it being decent but nothing grabbed my attention but that is not rare for a rap album, my ear is just not attuned. I remember thinking it was pretty decent though (and it won a California Music Award for Outstanding Rap Album 2004). You can check out a couple tracks on the MP site.

I don't think the Marginal Prophets are active anymore. Maybe they are on extended hiatus. I am not sure, but if you enjoy the music at all, I would suggest buying the CD directly from the artist. You can get them off Keith Knight's (the black one) web site. You can also get their live album.

Two Minutes Hate

I've said it many times before - I am just not a big fan of facebook. Don't get me wrong, it is decent when it is used correctly (solely judged by me on what I want to see). I don't mind when people post or update their status once or twice a day - and trust me, I don't know anyone interesting enough that I want to know more than that about their life. I don't care for your announcements that "It's Friday!" or that you feel the need to update me every 15 minutes on your day. I don't care! Keep it to the major stuff or keep the posts to a minimum. But that is not even the worst thing. I can not stand the apps that post stupid updates and messages. I don't care that you are level 246 in Mafia Wars, that you baked a souffle in Cafe World, or that you found a lost cow in Farmville. Not only do these kind of updates piss me off because I think they are pointless, but they make me think you are a loser. I love dorky stuff and really bad video games (I played through Sneakers twice after all)...but this stuff seems way too lame even for me. Twenty updates in a row about some stupid game is annoying and makes it so hard to find important info.

End Hate

Beware the Meh-pocalypse

So Friday night I was dragged to the movie 2012. I might not have been kicking and screaming but I was definitely moaning, groaning, and complaining. Months ago I had promised Jessica that I would take her to 2012 or New Moon, but not both. She chose 2012 for me... I am not sure if that was a good thing or not. To me, it seemed like a "Head or Gut" type choice. Either way I was going to get hit and it was going to hurt.

I was a little surprised by the movie as they didn't focus on the 2012 Mayan myth (yes myth, there is no Maya2K, grow a brain!). Basically, it was mentioned as the time frame and a stupid quote about the "Mayans knowing about the dangers thousands of years ago but with all of our science we are still blind." Not great, but I figured it would be much worse and there would be some sort of Mayan mystery to solve or something equally horrible that would teach everyone a lesson about the nature of mankind. I went in with really low expectations and because of that I was able to mildly enjoy it. Although my classic quote of "It wasn't good but at least it was long" applies, it was better than Transformers 2 (if only for the fact that I understood what was going on).

The good - special effects were good, stuff being destroyed is often pretty entertaining. John Cusack is decent like he usually is (although this would be one of his weaker movies).

The bad - special effects - just too many, eventually I got to the point where I didn't even find the destruction entertaining any more and was mostly just bored. It didn't help that I really didn't feel attached to any of the characters. Also the science was really suspect...than means a lot to me. You can have anything happen in a movie and as long as the science sounds halfway plausible then I will give the benefit of the doubt.

Verdict - Meh - it wasn't horrible but it wasn't good either. Too long, repetitive destruction. You feel a little bit like you are just watching the commercial as much of the destruction is shown in it...it is just longer in the movie. I'm still a little pissed that it even mentioned the Mayan calendar bullshit - I would have been happier if they cut that five minutes and instead called it The Day After Tomorrow 2 or something. Besides the fact that the 2012 stuff is just a bunch of crap, through the promotion it has attracted a bunch of "experts" in the audience who felt the need to pontificate on the subject for the 20 minutes before the movie. Had I felt a little better I probably would have argued but instead I sat there and tried to unsuccessfully pretend these people weren't talking.

Final note - Woody Harrelson was decent in it (he plays a good wacko)...but he was much better in Zombieland. I would gladly see that over 2012 any day (and you could watch Zombieland twice in the time it takes you to watch 2012).