Welcome Human

My brother, Kelly and his wife Holly have successfully added another human battery to the matrix.  Although it is nice to see that our computer overlords have now developed wireless technology to harvest his body's energy.

This is Jack Rockwell Hulsebus (named by his 3 year old brother, Braeden).

Baby Jack was freshly squozen on June 21, 2012 at 3:38am.  This energy cell array weighed in at a decent 8 pounds even.  We look forward to much energy production from him.  Nephew Baby Jack, I hope you enjoy your simulation.

Congratulations Kelly & Holly.

Rolling Sevens with Nothing to Lose

Last night, my good friend Angie took me to see Crazy Heart for my birthday.  I thought Crazy Heart looked interesting when it first came...plus The Dude, how could I resist?  Well, with little time and plenty of other movies to fill me and CT's weekly sojourn to the theater (and it really isn't the kind CT and I usually see - no comedy, no aliens, no explosions), Crazy Heart kept getting pushed off the list.

It is a shame really as it is good.  Really good.  All the actors are pretty spectacular but the Dude is simply amazing.  He did deserve best actor, hands down.  Jeff Bridges fit Bad Blake perfectly.  Every aspect of the performance was great. And who knew Colin Farrell could sing?  Who even knew he was in the movie?  And he was decent, too.  I can't say that the plot and story was the most original ever, it's a pretty old tale of hitting rock bottom and trying various forms of redemption.  I was a little disappointed in the ending...it might not have been a "happy" ending per se, but it was definitely happier than I was secretly hoping for.  I know Angie disagrees with me here, as she loves happy endings; but I although I do love the redemption type story, I also REALLY love stories about giving it all and still failing.  I am not sure why but I find an affinity with that kind of story.  It's the effort, I guess.  I love the tag line "The Harder the Life, the Sweeter the Song." I believe that to be very true.

I know, many of you are probably thinking that "Hey you're a metal music person, I thought you hated country music?  Why would this movie interest you?"  To that I would say:

1) Although metal is my favorite genre it is far from the only thing I listen to.

2) It is true that I make fun of country music more than most genres but I never hated country music.  I always enjoyed the older gritty style of country music (Cash, Jennings, Nelson, Haggard, Coe).  Want I hated was the popified country music crap that started to dominate the air waves -  Achy Breaky Heart, Boot Scootin Boogie, etc...that stuff is horrible.  I enjoyed all the music in this movie.

3) This type of story can cross genres.  I've been to many shows of artists who once may have been famous, but now just scrape by.  They are bitter, they hate themselves, they hate their audiences, they hate life as the try to relive or regain former glory.  It is a powerful story to me.

Thanks again Angie, I had a wonderful time.  I would highly recommend Crazy Heart to anyone looking for a more emotional movie that is not all sugary happiness.  It is bittersweet and that is what makes it fabulous.

Avoiding the Inner Fat Guy

I've been trying to workout lately.  I don't think that I am horribly out of shape, but I do have the beginnings of a pot belly and gone are my size 26 jeans...damn you size 32!   So I figure I need to probably change my lifestyle to be healthy and avoid the inner fat guy lurking within.  I haven't gotten into 100% routine but have been at least getting in a workout semi-regularly.  Those who know me personally and know that I am totally lazy, should know that this is a pretty big step for me. 

I've been doing the FMS 45 Minute Fat Burning Workout, which I like because it is short, seems to be a decent overall body workout and doesn't have a whole lot of pep talk in it.  That's really all I want, someone to show me how to do the workout and maybe count the reps.  Billy Blanks, why can't you just shut up?  I am not ready for Tae Bo quite yet...but am getting there, but dread listening to Billy tell me to reach for my higher power.  If anyone has suggestions for other workouts let me know, admittedly I am a amateur at this. 

Unfortunately, my motivation for getting up early and working out is making myself a sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit; thereby undoing probably 98% of my workout...but I am feeling slightly fitter and have been on time to work more times in the past two weeks than I have in the previous 6 months.  So I consider it to be going well.  I just hope that once I am more fit that I can avoid the John Basedow "standing like I have scoliosis to make my abs pop" pose and the ever constant threat of my button-down shirt coming open.  The threats are real.

John Basedow - love your workout, hate your poses.

Having said all that, March is a totally horrible time to try a fitness plan.  First of all, there are the Girl Scout cookies.  Congrats Girl Scouts on getting my orders right this year, unlike last year's debacle.  Then there is the Cadbury Creme Eggs...one of the greatest food stuffs ever invented.  Money spent on Cadbury Eggs this year (so far): $20; portion of the eggs eaten (so far): $3.  Then there is chocolate Easter bunnies, and many flavored jelly beans to consider.  Finally, March is my birthday month and that means cheesecake...more specifically Jello No Bake Cheesecake topped with cherries.  It really is the Cadillac of cheesecakes at a Kia price.  Delicious.  This year, I am trying to control my impulses and only eat these things in moderation and as rewards for doing something good in my life...this is a far cry from eating only Girl Scout cookies for two days or having an entire meal of Cadbury Eggs.  If nothing else, I am sure my pancreas is thankful.  Sensible eating?  Moderation! I feel so grown up!

Top 5 Things I did on my birthday weekend:
5) Ate at PF Changs with my family
4) Went to see local band Cold Filtered
3) Ate Cheesecake
2) Went to the pre-season roller derby bout
1) Went to see Alice in Wonderland 3D XD

All in all, I would call that a pretty good birthday...only thing missing was getting lucky, and I didn't really even try at that one.

Beware the Glottal Horror

Last week, was my niece's seventh birthday and we did what many families do - went to Chuck E Cheese.

My niece enjoyed herself, which was the whole point, but I must admit that I am always just a little disappointed when I have gone in the past few years (for the record, I go about once a year). Some of it has to do with the fact that in that year, only one game (maybe two at the most) had changed from my previous visit. I've worked at an arcade and I know how important rotation is to a business. CEC might not be affected in quite the same way since they deal with younger children and depend on birthday parties instead of walk-in game playing traffic. However, a little rotation would be nice for the older people accompaning the children. I don't want CEC becoming a place full of shooting games, they don't need Big Buck Hunter or Silent Scope...I actually like that they have keep a family friendly environment. Maybe some classics like Pacman or Tetris and a couple pinball machines (they do have one, I'll give them that) would be nice.

I thought the animatronic show was really short and half of it was video. When I was a kid the robots did sets and played more 5-6 songs a row before taking a break. Comedy skits were thrown in between songs...the show was THE reason to go there as a kid. One of my favorite memories as a kid is watching the robots play 867-5309/Jenny by Tommy TuTone and their Oldies Medley. I remember sitting there being enthralled even with all the video games calling my name. Now the band plays one song, then 15-20 minutes of video (pretty boring video - even for kids). The animatronic show hardly seemed more than a minor sideshow...definitely not an attraction to go see. The upkeep of the animatronic creatures was mediocre at best. Helen Henny looked like she had a coke-stroke with little movement on one side and Pasqually could barely lift his drumsticks. Munch, the leader of the band had serious issues. His eyes rolled to the back of his head most the time like he was stoned out of his fuzzy purple head (I guess he is a rock star!). But the worst part was that his jaw was nearly ripped off...and the glottal horror that purveyed when he tried to sing made it for the best that kids were not interested in the show. That could be serious nightmare material...the pictures don't even do it justice. The sad thing is that the jaw problem could have been fixed with about 10 minutes, a screw and maybe some wire.

A lot of my disappoint has to do with the switch from ShowBiz Pizza Place to Chuck E Cheese. Don't get me wrong, I think it is great that CEC is keeping these kind of place open...I think it does still have some entertainment to offer kids and families. My problem is that it seems so bland compared to Billy Bob and the Rock-Afire Explosion that populated ShowBiz. All the characters seem completely generic with no personality. I don't know how true it is, but one time I was told that Chuck E Cheese (partially) decided to replace the Rock-Afire explosion band because it could be seen as racist. I don't get that at all. I mean Fats Geronimo was a gorilla and gorillas are black, so I guess some people (idiots) might think that is racist in some way. I grew up with it and I thought it was a funny play on the Fats' Domino's name...I didn't think the gorilla was supposed to be Fats Domino.

I guess Chuck E Cheese is good because it is the best we can get...but I long for the Rock-Afire Explosion and ShowBiz Pizza. I think I may go order the Rock-Afire DVD to sooth my soul.

Holiday Road

Birthday Vacation

People keep joking that “Hey you’re as close to 40 as you are 30!” about my birthday…they think it will bother me or something. It does not, although I prefer to think of it as halfway to 70. I’ve had long standing plans to live to be 2500 (with my brain in a robot body of course until cloned bodies are perfected), so 40 is no big deal to me. For my birthday, GF-Unit planned a surprise trip to St Louis, Mo to see an NHL hockey game and have a mini-vacation.

We loaded up the Family Truckster on Friday and started driving (if only it was the Metallic Pea Wagonqueen Family Truckster). It all went well except for me driving about 40 minutes the wrong way (thanks to confusing directions, bad street signs, forgetting to reset the trip meter, and changing drivers at the exact wrong time…many small errors which by themselves would have been easily avoidable but together made for a poor navigation choice). The rest of the trip went smoothly and we pulled in to the hotel at 1am.

Originally, GF-Unit had reservations in a hotel on the East St Louis side (What’s the difference as long as we get across the river). I assume it was cheap and it was a Holiday Inn Express so you would think it would be decent. She then found several one star reviews (out of five) with titles like “Horrible,” “Roaches and Water Stains”, and the always enticing “Looked like a Murder Scene”…this one is especially entertaining as it involved the hotel manager calling the police on the hotel guests for harassment after they repeatedly ask him to call the police about the scene in the parking lot. I also sent her the crime stats for East St Louis:

Year: 2006 number of crimes per 100,000

So we moved on over to the west side of St Louis and stayed in the suburb of Clayton at the Seven Gables Inn (yes, I counted and there were seven gables…otherwise I would have demanded our money back due to false advertisement). SGI is definitely a different experience than staying as most hotels I have been to lately (like in Vegas). It is an old building (built 1926) so it had a cozy, kind of old world charm…no elevators, you have to take twisty stairs, decent sized rooms and bathrooms but not really “suites” as we know them now a days. I was a little wary when we first checked in, but it grew on me and I liked it quite a bit by the time we left. The hotel was in a really neat location. It was in a fancy business district with lots of restaurants within walking distance. The area was basically deserted on the weekends, so we didn’t have to deal with traffic or crowds and we free to walk leisurely throughout the area. In was very peaceful, relaxing, and beautiful as the beginnings of spring were creeping in. We also had a pretty easy walk to the MetroLink train station, and easy access to the interstates…for when we wanted to travel outside of the area around the hotel.

Saturday we went to see my favorite NHL team the Detroit Red Wings play the St Louis Blues. Although a Red Wing fan, I enjoy all hockey and was looking forward to seeing the Blues play as they have many players that I have seen play in the AHL over the past few years. I was especially looking forward to seeing former Iowa Stars BJ Crombeen playing. It was a good game. I was getting lots of “boos” and “Detroit sucks” because I wore my Detroit jersey (GF-Unit was wearing my Blues jersey), but many of those calmed down after Detroit scored 3 goals within a 46 second time span (ouch). I wished it would have been closer in score. I like tight, exciting games but it was still a lot of fun. I couldn’t bring myself to try one of the St Louis style hot dogs though…which looked like a Chicago Dog with chili on top (I think they made it up). Not just because I don’t usually like chili on hot dogs but also because it was like $10...for a standard (small) hot dog. I couldn’t justify that for something that I might not like and might give me terrible gas. $6 yes, $8 possibly, but $10 is too much...especially since we were going out to eat that night for my birthday.

We decided to go to Morton’s Steakhouse. It was expensive but really good. We ordered the Double Porterhouse…which was 48 ounces and split it between the three of us (me, GF-Unit, and Kinda-Kid). It was an impressive piece of meat…2inches thick and the size of a dinner plate. It was slightly more rare in the middle that I usually like (I am a medium-rare person and this was closer to rare), but it was perfect if you got a piece of the took a small slice with a little bit of the outer edge in each bite. Our waitress was fun, smart, and a little smart-alecky (reminded me of Jeanine Garofalo). She even gave me an extra 48 ounce steak bone when I mentioned that I would like to take mine home for my dogs. I know it really wasn’t a huge deal since they would have to through it away anyhow but it was nice of her anyways. My dogs loved getting bones that were nearly the size of their bodies .

Me, GF-Unit, and Kinda-Kid before the meat overdose

Sunday we went to the Missouri Botanical Gardens, which were pretty but would have been spectacular a little later in the spring when everything was green and in bloom. Not only do they have a climate controlled dome, but also 80 acres of gardens, fountains, ponds, etc… It is the perfect place to spend a few hours on a sunny spring Sunday.

GF-Unit and I in the Climatron dome at Missouri Botanical Gardens (I look really fat)

Of course plants and lovely spring weather did not really impress the seven year old Kinda-Kid, so we headed to The Magic House to let him blow off some steam. The Magic House is basically a children’s museum with all these exhibits where a child can explore, experiment, and (hopefully) learn. There were exhibits on construction, fairy tales, government, bubbles, sound, sight, and magnetism among others. I wish we had this type of thing around when I was a kid. It was very cool, although I was a little disappointed that since I had styling putty in my hair that the electro-static generator wouldn’t work on me. We spent a couple hours there but could have spent several more if it was open later than 5:30 pm.

(Left) President Gubby gives state of the union address (Right): Kinda-Kid gets a shocking experience

After the Magic House, we headed to White Castle for some sliders. I love mini-food and have never had a chance to try White Castle…so I was pretty excited (plus no one was up for a big meal after the pound each meat fest of the night before). Although the burgers were good, I did think they were a little tasteless. I could see how they would be really good if drunk or high though. I think the BK Shots from Burger King were much tastier and would highly recommend you pick up a six pack for dinner tonight. Even though they were a little disappointing, I was still very tempted to order the Crave Case so that I could have 30 mini burgers to snack on the following couple days. My diet has been severely lacking mini foods since Billy Joe’s closed a month ago…over a month without mini-corn dogs!

Monday, we did the tourist thing and went to the Gateway Arch. I had been there when I was a child but it is still neat to me still. It is an impressive structure and elegant in its simplicity. What I didn’t like was the post-911 security. It was just like airport, take everything out of your pockets, place everything in a tub (including all electronics, jackets, and belts), and walk through the metal detector. I am surprised they didn’t have everyone take off their shoes and do full body cavity checks. It is so ridiculous. Here is a tip…walk to the south side of the arch and enter there…the security line is about a quarter of the size that it is on the north side.

Thanks GF-Unit for a great birthday.