Loss of a Good Man

Last week, my step-grandfather passed away.  Jack Hennessey, was a great person to have known for the past 18 years.  It is strange to think that I have known him longer than my biological grandfather who died when I was 13.  Unfortunately, even though I have known him longer, I did not get to know him as well.  College, career, etc...got in the way and I only was able to see him a few times a year, usually during holidays when it was a busy time for everyone.  It might not have as deep of a relationship as was possible, but I couldn't help but like, respect, and admire Jack.

Jack served in both the Army and Navy when he was young, and then moved to the small town of Manilla, IA to practice medicine in the mid-1940s.  Jack was known as "Doc" to everyone in town.  He was one of the main doctors in town for almost 50 years...and not just a doctor, but a country doctor that would make house calls and such.  He also had his own practice, worked at the local hospital, volunteered for school sports and community events.  Doc delivered over 2000 babies in his practicing years...almost anyone you meet from the Manilla area seems to know and/or was delivered by Doc.  I've had this conversation several times with several different people:

Me: "I headed to my grandparents house in Manilla for the holidays."    

Random Person: "Hey, I'm from that area...who's your grandparents?"   

Me: "Jack & Lu Hennessey." 

Random Person: <look of deep thought, then smiling> "You mean Doc?  I was delivered by him."

Jack pursued everything he like with zest and pride.  His children and grandchildren, Music, reading, Catholicism, Ireland, and the University of Iowa (his Alma Mater) were just a few of the things he enjoyed and you could tell from anywhere in the house that these were some of his passions.  Photographs, records, books, Irish and Hawkeye mementos abounded.

Jack was paralyzed at the waist in 1998 after surgical complications, but that didn't stop Jack from being Jack. He harbored no anger or bitterness and continued to live the best and fullest life that he could.  Jack was the type person that makes a great role model for all others.  Live life to the fullest, be happy, do good, and have no regrets.

Unfortunately, Jack's health had been declining the last few years.  He had been in and out of the hospital a few times over the past year and went in for the last time a couple weeks ago.  It is sad, but with his failing health he was ready.  There was enough warning of the end that most of his children were able to fly in and say goodbye.  Jack was 93.

I know it will be a hard time for my grandmother and I feel sad for her...but I also know that she is the kind of strong person that can handle this grief and continue to live a happy life.  Grams, if you need anything...your entire family is here to help.

Jack, you will be missed.

A Letter to Jessica

Over the past weekend, Jessica and I have broken up. This was my idea/fault and in no way should reflect poorly on Jessica.



Dear Jessica,


I know this is hard for you, I wish it could be another way. Hurting you is not what I wanted or ever intended.


I really had hoped that I would come around and love you how you deserve to be loved - whole heartedly, the way that you seemed to love me. You made me feel so special and loved. I tried. I really did, but for some reason I could only get there 70% of the way. And the majority of the remainder wasn't because of you, it was all me. There were a lot of little things and a couple larger things that have always bothered me and made me have trepidations, but nothing that couldn't be overcome with enough love. For me, there was something missing, some kind of connection or some kind of chemistry...something. Honestly, I am not sure what it was, but there was just a part of me that was not happy.


It was not you - you were wonderful and always did so much for me. You were so great that it should have been easy for me to love you. I just couldn't get past that point, no matter how much I wished it would come about. I liked you a lot, I still like you a lot. It was enough to keep me happy for a long time...and I probably could have stayed like that for a long time still. However, I know you needed more and it hurt that I couldn't provide the level of emotional support you needed. In my mind I wanted to, but my heart couldn't do it.


I was really afraid that if we kept things how it was we would be happy for a while but I think that resentment would slowly start to creep in...from both of us. I think our relationship would have slowly soured and that it would be even more painful once it final did end. I didn't want to end up hating you (even though I totally understand if you hate me at the moment).


There has been many sleepless nights and much soul searching over the past few weeks to come up with the decision to end our romantic relationship. I'm not saying that for people to feel pity for me, I just want you to know that I didn't come to this decision lightly. It was a very difficult decision to make. You have been so amazing to me and for me. All of my happiest moments of the past year have included you. However, at this time I still couldn't see a long term future. I came to the question of whether I was in it for the long term or more because it was convenient and easy. Ideally I would have been able to answer that I was in for both reasons but more and more I could see that the convenience was becoming larger aspects for me rather than the long term.


I know you are not happy now, but I know one day that you will be. You are an amazing person. Your talent and compassion are endless. You are smart, great with people, and getting your life into order. You have so much to offer the right person. I am more assured of your happiness than my own.


I do wish things could be different. But since they are not, I hope that after enough time has passed that we can be friends. I still want to know you are doing well and everything you accomplish in life. I think us being friends can happen and I think it will be good...but I know it will take a while.


I wish you only the best. I will miss you, but will always cherish the memories we have together. Goodbye.

Michael

The Long Goodbye - I hate it

Not the book or the movie...the act itself. I hate long goodbyes. When I say something like "Well, I better go," that means I want to leave - now. I am not one of those people who plays the "No, you hang up first," "No, you" game. Chances are after I have said goodbye, the phone is already away from my ear and my thumb reaching for disconnect. I'll probably hear you say goodbye back to me but it will be from a distance. I am this way on the phone (both personally and professionally...I know they say that customer service agents are never supposed to hang up first but I always did) as well as, in person. Yeah, I'll stick around for a quick goodbye and hug and kiss (depending on our relationship) but I really don't want this to last longer than a minute or two and if it is only 30 seconds then all the better.


Unfortunately, the GF-Unit has a problem with this...dragging out goodbyes for 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 30 minutes, even an hour or more. She has no idea how much this irritates me. When I say "I (or You) should probably go," that means just that. Go. It could be many reasons - I need to do other things, I am tired, I am frustrated, I have had enough of you for today, etc... but it all comes down to: I want to part company as soon as possible.


The other week this came up when GF-Unit was over one night. It was a night we hadn't planned of seeing each other, so I already had a list of stuff in my head that I wanted to accomplish. Circumstances brought us together and I thought we had a decent night together but eventually I was in the mood for no more that night. I knew the longer she stayed the more annoyed I would get, not at her...but at the situation and that she was there. I suggested that she should go. She started to go but then was all sad about it, so started dragging it out. We tried talking about it and I was urging her to go while trying not to hurt her feelings. It wasn't working too well, so it got to the point where I just said "I don't want you to be sad...I just want you to leave."


I know, I know, I am not the most sensitive person in the world. At the time I was about 60% joking, 40% serious. It made me crack up when I said it...and I think it made her laugh a little after the initial shock. But it was true, I didn't want her to be sad (really), I just didn't want to deal with her any more that night...I wanted to do some of the things I already had planned. I knew we would be spending plenty of time together over the coming weeks - more days than not, and I never get the things around the house done like cleaning, dishes, laundry, repairs, improvements,etc... So I really wanted to use this night to get a little bit done.


No lasting harm done (I think)...and a Classic Quote from me (I think), so it is all for the best. But really, I do hate long goodbyes. If I had more to say, I would have said it earlier before I felt spent with the whole deal. If you keep it short and sweet, I will go away much happier and start missing you. Long goodbyes are just mentally draining and numbing.