All Out of More

Driving home last night, I saw this storefront sign for Lights & More that made me giggle.  I don't know why but I always find the irony of a Light store with only half of its sign lit to be hilarious.  The only thing better is a sign store that has sign problems.

At least the Light has light.

Stopping to take a picture, I was then a little saddened to see that the Lights & More store was closing.  I had never shopped there and probably never would, but it was still a little sad.  Maybe it was because people didn't trust a light store that couldn't keep their own sign lit.  Maybe they were already on the way out and knew they wouldn't get a good return on investment for fixing their sign.  My favorite theory is that they have sold of of the More and only have the Lights left.

Sorry you are closing, but thanks for the laugh.

Lit up in its former glory

Everywhere a Sign

I am not an expert ice skater...I am not even a good ice skater.  The first time I skated was the week of my 34^th birthday...and (surprising) grace and balance on the ice did not come naturally.¹ I've taken a few lessons and skated a few more times since...but I am still pretty awful.  Despite how uncoordinated I am, this sign that I saw in an Ankeny park, does not in any way say "Skating" or "No Skating."

Skating?  You keep using that word. 
I do not think it means what you think it means.² 

Hmmm...well wait, I guess after looking at photos of figure skating, maybe I am the one doing it wrong.  No wonder I had trouble.  I think it is a little presumptuous for the city to assume that just anyone skating is going to be doing Layback or Biellmann Spins.  Don't be all arrogant Ankeny...some of us are just beginners you know.

Yeah, I am not that good...yet.

This Ankeny park also uses this same image for the "No Swimming" signs.  But even that isn't accurate.  That image is in no way a person swimming.  It could be someone drowning I guess, and I think that is a sentiment that we can all agree with "No Drowning" allowed in this pond.  There is just something about this sign that doesn't make sense...as a good citizen I decided to make some better slogans and warnings for this sign (if I had some red and white paper, scissors, and some tape with me, I would have fixed them myself).  Here are some of my suggestions:

You're Welcome.

¹ That is a story for another time
² I was very happy that my camera recognized the sign as a "face"

Why I Haven't Gone Blu

I had a friend tell me a few months ago that "You just have to get a Blu-ray player!"  Said person was shocked when I told him that A) I don't see the point, and B) Have no plans to get one unless it happens to be built into another product that I buy like a PS3 or a new computer.  "But they're awesome..."

Not really.

"You just like watching movies in the theater instead."  This is true, but that is irrelevant and besides my point.  First let me point out the fact that this person didn't get a DVD player until 2006 or 2007.  I'm not saying that is a good or a bad thing, but I find it hard to believe that someone who all of a sudden thinks himself as a home theater after being anything but for the past 30+ years.

My main problem with Blu-ray is that they are marketing same features that they used to market DVD back in 1997.  Nowadays, Blu-ray editions come with all the cool features...extended editions, uncensored versions, delete scenes, making of documentaries, director commentaries, behind the scenes info, special web links, etc... which is all fine but none of which is requires Blu-ray over DVD.  In fact, when it first debuted DVD had all these features...but now the entertainment industry wants you to buy all the movies you already own on DVD in the newer Blu-ray, DVDs are coming with less and less...you are lucky to get the theatrical trailer.  Heck, remember when DVD used to promote the fact that you could switch angles and stuff due to the dynamic branching technology?  When was the last time a DVD actually came with this option?  I haven't seen one in years and years...not because they can't do it, they just don't want to promote DVDs.  I don't really feel like supporting a product because of all these bonus features that the studios won't even support in a couple years...plus all this stuff is just extras anyways.  They are nice to have, but not necessary.  I might watch the extras once but probably never again.  I don't watch most of the stuff on my DVDs, so why would I think that I would actually watch it on Blu-ray?  For me, it was just sad to see an industry drop support for something that my promoted so hard just a short while ago (I know they didn't drop all support, they are obviously still making DVDs)...it just hammered it home that it really is all about money and forcing new formats on customers just to make them buy the same movie again.

But it isn't just that...I don't feel that the upgrade is worth it.  I guess that DVD resolution and graphics seem good enough for me at the moment.  I don't really need a film that was made 25+ years ago to be in 1080p.  It doesn't add that much to 99% of films.  There are some films that better, crisper graphics might add a little bit to the experience...but I think it is unnecessary for most.  Even more than that...I think a lot of movies that weren't originally shot in HD but have been cleaned up for the higher resolution look creepy.  Not just really old movies either.  I saw someone watching an HD version of Pineapple Express a few months ago and it just looked wrong.  For a film like that, I expect the kind of hazy, not totally clear background that the movie had in the theater.  Watching it this time everything was way too crisp.  It left me with a very different experience...and not for the better.  Better graphics just for the sake of (supposedly) better graphics doesn't interest me that much.  If it adds up to a richer, fuller experience I am all for it...but so far, I just don't see that with many movies.  Maybe if some more talented filmmakers were using deep focus techniques for good use more often, I could see more benefit of the highest definition...but usually graphics are just used in place of a story (*cough* Transformers *cough*).

DVD had better graphics than previous formats (although I still think some of my laserdiscs had a lot better graphics than some early release DVDs)...but the jump in the graphics between VHS was much, much larger than the graphics jump from DVD to Blu-ray.  Although better graphics were a top selling point, the convenience factors were a bigger one for me...sturdy, easily portable and easy, quick navigation while watching were bigger factors for me than just graphics.  Maybe not initially as I was young and dumb, but these are the factors that I quickly came to appreciate...Blu-ray does not have any upgraded convenience features.  In fact it is even more inconvenient due to lack of Blu-ray players.  For example, they don't make a Blu-ray car player yet and your friend down the street might not have a Blu-ray player so you can't share as easy.  So really all I see as a benefit is the upgraded graphics...hey Hollywood, how about better stories?

Right now for me the benefits do not outweigh the cost...especially when the end of physical formats is probably not too many years away and everything will soon be streamed on demand.  It seems more effort than it is worth.  Do I need to buy a bunch of movies that I have already bought on VHS, laserdisc, and DVD again just to have slightly better definition?  No I don't think so.  However, if I do end up getting a Blu-ray for some reason, I would probably buy newer movies in Blu-ray...but would probably save a little money on older releases and just get the DVD version (you can only make Evil Dead look so good).

Vasectomy Madness...Really?

The past few weeks, as I get home from work and flip on the local news while I cook dinner, I have been hearing a commercial about getting a vasectomy so that you can stay home and watch March Madness basketball.  The first couple times I heard this in the background, I thought "Wha-wha-what?  No, I must have misheard.  Ha ha, who would really get a vasectomy to watch basketball."

But I kept hearing this commercial day after day.  I no longer thought I was hearing it wrong, but thought that maybe since I was only listening to it (while I was in the kitchen and the TV was in the living room) that maybe I was missing some connotation or joke.  After about a week, I finally took the time to stop what I was doing, walk to the living room and rewind and watch the commercial.  Nope, I wasn't missing anything...it was a commercial advocating getting a vasectomy so that you can stay home and sit on the couch to watch March Madness Basketball.  I find this incredibly strange.

I haven't been able to find the actual commercial I saw, but here is a clinic in Virginia that did a similar promotion last year.



And here is a news story about a Wisconsin clinic running a similar promotion.



I don't know, it is all just a strange ad campaign.  Does this work better than - get a vasectomy so you don't have to wear a condom and don't have to worry about more kids?  I guess, if you are thinking of having a  vasectomy anyways, you probably want to schedule it around a time when you want to stay home...but it sounds strange when put into a commercial.

Come on down and let us cut into your furry beanbag so that you can watch some hoops!

Global Warming - You're Doing it Wrong

Image courtesy of NASA image archive

Every winter for at least the past 10 years, if not 15 or 20...I have heard someone make a comment about how cold or snowy it is and follow that up with something like "So much for Global Warming!"  Most the time, you can tell that the person is joking and a good laugh is had by all (even though it has now been used so much that I want to punch the person instead of laugh)...but in the past couple years, I have been running into people who I am pretty sure are serious.

So let me just point out a couple common mistakes that some people seem to make.

1. It is GLOBAL warming.  Just because it happens to be cold where you are at the moment doesn't mean that temperatures are higher than normal elsewhere.  It is a global average of temperatures...and the average appears to be rising.
2. More rain and more snow.  All over the US the past couple of years there have been some record snowfall and rainfall amounts.  This does not negate global warming...in fact it could be because of global warming even though on the surface that might not make sense to people.  Weather is somewhat cyclical - a severe summer will often lead to a more severe winter.  Higher temperatures in other parts of the world can lead to more precipitation.  Warmer air holds more moisture and warmer seas evaporate faster into the air.  When this air laden with more than traditional amounts of moisture finally do cool, it creates more precipitation.

...No Service

I ran across this at Target a few months ago...

Yep, Twilight Barbies.  I wasn't really surprised, I suppose many young girls would like to recreate the domestic abuse type relationships, low self-esteem, and pedophilia that the books and movies seem to advocate.  I guess if I was going for cool doll gifts, I would probably go with the Monster High Dolls...they are at least slightly (very slightly) more original.

I was however, disturbed by the Jake doll.  He comes with shorts and shoes.  I heard he doesn't wear his shirt too much in the newest movie and that they want to show off his wash-board abs...but couldn't they at least throw a shirt in the box?  Everyone else has a shirt AND a jacket.  Does he always have to walk around Barbie land half clothed?  He can't go out to eat with the other Barbies, he can't go to the store.  Poor Jake, always left out for want of a shirt.

One great thing I did find was the selling points on Amazon.com for Jake:

Product Features Based on the #1 New York Times Best Selling book series Twilight Inspired by the character from the New Twilight film, New Moon Jacob Black as a werewolf Girls won't wait to get their hands on Jacob For the adult collector

Not only is it funny, but wouldn't you want to use "can't" instead of "won't".  It just sounds strange.

But maybe Mattel was actually trying to prove a point about how U.S. policies over the past 150 years have left the majority of native Americans well below the poverty level.  It is not that Jake doesn't want a shirt...but he can't afford one.  He is stuck on the reservation, jobless and penniless.  OK, maybe not.

Haiku Triptych

Was Sick In Fifth Grade

Missed On Haiku Lessons

Empty Hole In Life

Never Wrote Haiku

So Thought I’d Give It A Shot

This One Kinda Sucks

Haiku Not For Me

Never Want To Be Poet

Sucking All I Am

I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means

I don't like to get very political on this blog.  You have your views, I have mine.  Yes, I know I have gotten slightly political in the past...like a few days ago with the Sarah Palin joke, mostly because I thought it was funny.

But I am going to get slightly political right now, sorry.

You too can own a whole line of Obama Dictator wear.

Seriously people - you are calling President Obama a dictator because he pushed for and eventually got health care reform.  Really?  Dictator?  You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means.  Of course we have free speech so you can say that all you want (free speech in a dictatorship, crazy talk).  Just because you disagree with some one's policy doesn't make them a dictator...or any of the other stupid phrases that you say.  Saying that kind of thing basically just makes you looking like a fucking idiot.


I am trying to see how this makes the President a dictator - all I can think of is that you lost the right to not have health insurance.  Personally, I hope this is a good thing for people.  I know several people who have pre-existing conditions and have major issues getting health insurance and therefore the health care they need to live...but I can see how you would be upset about losing your right not to have insurance.


Since you are all about personal freedom...I am glad you were out fighting the renewal of the Patriot Act (an act that in my opinion eroded more of our rights and civil liberties than anything else since the founding of the country).  Burden of Proof, Evidence,Warrants for wiretapping and spying, Oversight and Accountability for government agencies, ability to refute National Security Letters - I guess you don't think we need any of those.  Oh wait, you didn't fight that because "your team" was in charge at the time?


I'm not for the Democrats or the Republicans...I just want our country to work as well as possible. I'm not sure if the health care reform will work or not, but I do know that health care hasn't been working for many people for years. We need to try to find some way to make it work.  My tax dollars pay for a lot of things that I don't like, health care for everyone is one of those things that I don't mind contributing to.


Oh, I might also like to add that just because you think the Health Care Reform is socialism, that doesn't make the President a dictator.  Those are two very different concepts.

The Mayans May Have Been Right

It's not too often that I admit that I was wrong (I am wrong all the time, but I won't admit it). 

I don't think this will come to pass, but if it does, the Mayans may have been right.  Beware 2maYaK!

You can buy this shirt here...if you want to, although I am not sure why you would.

Taking it Back

Nine times out of ten when you hear something being described as a "harbinger" it is always something bad - Harbinger of Death, Harbinger of the Apocalypse, Harbinger of Doom, etc...  the one exception is spring.  You hear about the robins or early budding plants being harbingers of spring, but even that is increasingly rare.  To me  it seems that harbinger, which means to precede, indicate, or foreshadow has just become connected with evil.  Well I am here to tell you that I am taking it back.  I am not sure what I am going to be the Harbinger of but something like puppies, cotton candy, or rainbows...something positive.

Much like Randal, I'm taking it back!

Sincerely,
The Harbinger of Suck

For the Love of Music

The state of music purchasing disturbs me a little today.  No, not the fact that record company profits are plunging.* After the recording industry suing fans and trying to make it illegal for you to use your music how you would like for personal use, I have little love for the them.  I'm not talking about the sad condition of MTV, or even the "influx of piracy" (which I am not sure is nearly as evil as the recording industry thinks - each download does not equal a lost sale). 

My worry is that a lot of people are now buying single tracks only...and I believe this trend is increasing.  They only buy the one song that they heard on the radio and liked.  This isn't always bad, I have a few CDs that have exactly one good song on them that in hindsight I wish I could have only purchased the one track.  However, I have way more CDs that the one song that I had previously heard ended up not being my favorite.  In fact, of all my favorite songs on all the albums that I have ever purchased, I would say about 90% of those songs were never released as singles.  Had I just bought the single track, I would not know all this great music.  Just a few examples of great songs (from my current work play list) that I would never have heard if I only bought the singles:

Metallica - Blackened
Janes Addiction - Three Days
Guns N Roses - Rocket Queen
Alice in Chains - Dam that River
Megadeth - Tornado of Souls
Danzig - Twist of Cain

As you can probably tell, I am listening to a early 90's metal play list at the moment...but the same goes for every genre, every artist.  The singles are good, but if that is all you buy you are missing out on so much great music.  This is not even taking into account the entire feel of an album that can be used to create a mood or even tell a story.

You might say that singles have been around for decades and you would be right...and I still don't approve of them.  There is a large difference however between single digital tracks now and singles in the past.  In the past you would at the very least get a b-side track (if not more of a EP CD), this gave you more of a chance to try out the artist and see if you like them...now you get nothing, you get your one track and you are done.  You will not discover the complete joy of the new artist and in ten years you will consider them a one hit wonder.


*Personally, I think it is very iffy at how much the record company profits are actually down once you figure in that the 1990's probably represented higher than average profits as consumers upgraded their music collections from cassettes and vinyl.

Stupidium

Arrg...Spoilers May Be Below Mateys.

By now you have surely heard at least a little bit about the claims that the movie Avatar is racist (you can read a little bit about that here). 

One claim is that it is an allegory for colonialism and therefore has some incorporates some race issues.  I have no problems with this claim, I don't really even see it as a racially based criticism.  It is more just an observation or social commentary on our past.

The other major claim is that is that it is a story where "the colored savages must be saved by a white savior."  This argument just annoys me.  Sure the main character happened to be white and he helped save the colored people but never once did I think that was the point.  It was more about accepting people and cultures that are different than yours.  Would it really be that much different if the main character was black?  Not to me.  The whole story is about coming to appreciate something that is different than yourself.  If the blue aliens were instead white humans who seemed just like us humans - where would be the "leap of faith" required to connect with and care about their civilization?  There would be none, it would then just be a war movie.  It is the overcoming differences that creates the power of the story - it doesn't really matter who is white, who is black, who is blue - but somebody has to be different in SOME way or it doesn't work...and movies are a visual medium, skin tone is one quick and easy way to distinguish different peoples.

When this argument is used, they never point out that this basically makes us (as humans in general but more specifically caucasians) the "White Devil" who does nothing but destroys and steals.  Isn't that racist too?*

Seriously people, just enjoy the movie.  I've seen it a couple times.  I don't think it is the greatest movie ever like some people.  I thought it was OK.  It is pretty and has good effects.  Personally, I thought the story was a little generic...not necessarily bad but not great or innovative.  I found several things that annoyed me more than the whole racist angle (but of course that is coming from a White Devil point of view) - the biggest of which was that they were mining for "Unobtanium."  Really?  It's almost unpossible to come up with a worse name.  Might as well be looking for Magic Fairy Dust or Stupidium.


*Wait, I guess the Latina girl, and the Indian looking guy (pretty much the only dark skinned humans) did join the fight for the blue team...maybe it is racist!

I am an Idiot

It probably doesn't come as much surprise that I am an idiot. You are probably thinking to yourselves "No duh, it is so obvious that you don't even need to mention it." But I thought I would share some of my idiocy.

I often don't know what year it is. I'm not stupid (OK, maybe) or that I can't remember the date. It's just that I spend of lot of my time at work forecasting sales of some 4000+ part numbers. I study trends, look over promotions, gauge customer support, judge product lifespans, etc... and then for about 2 weeks each month I enter the forecast into our system. This forecast is 6-12 months in the future, so I am constantly typing dates like 01/15/2010. After typing out 6 months worth of dates for 4000 part numbers, my brain starts to forget that it is actually 2009. It makes sense, 2010 has just been pounded into it 20,000 times, but it does make me feel like an idiot some times. I know it is 2009 after I think about it but my mind first jumps to 2010.

I often fear that I will faint, bump my head, or fall unconscious. Then upon being shaken awake by nearby people, someone will ask me what year it is to test my mental faculties and I will give the wrong year. Of course they will then think that I am crazy (or maybe I traveled back in time) and I will be locked away in some institution.

Just another reason why I suck.

The Sad State of Trick or Treat

This Halloween, I took my niece America (human) trick-or-treating. Papa had to work, Grandma and Grandpa were babysitting Braeden, the other grandchild...so that left me to be the trick-or-treat custodian. America (human) is still just young enough to need someone to go with her, but also she was in my neighborhood which she was not really familiar with (and all the twisty streets, dead ends, and cul-de-sacs can be confusing - even for me after 10 years). Mostly, I ended up being the candy mule...hauling the large bag of candy that she would dump her small bag into every few houses.

Behold - The Princess America

It was a beautiful night and perfect trick-or-treating weather with just a slight chill in the air to keep you cool when running from house to house. I really enjoyed trick-or-treating with America this year. She had a good haul of candy (5 or 6 pounds probably) and I think we burned off all the future calories running from house to house.

Although, it was a great night...I am more and more shocked about how over-protective people have become on Halloween. It was rare to see a kid without a parent or some kind of custodian along for the night. I'm not talking 5 and 6 year olds - kids that looked 10, 12 and one that looked like she was 14 had parents coddling them along all evening. Where is childhood independence? Admittedly, I grew up in a somewhat isolated semi-rural neighborhood and not the "big city" (ha ha)...but still, today's parents seem way too hovering. I don't think I had a parental guardian after second-grade. Instead I had a tight knit group of candy loving friends who would all take care of each other each Halloween. Let me say this once: Halloween is safe. People aren't poisoning candy, there are no razor blades (both overblown examples of hoaxes, coincidences, and pranks), and the pedophiles are not any more dangerous on Halloween than every other night. These are the same people that live in your neighborhood 364 other days of the year. Let your child go out with a group of friends, have fun, and blow off steam.

Let the kids be kids. Halloween is a chance to run a little wild and to be rewarded for being a child. As a child, my friends and I would run from house to house as fast as week could...arriving completely out of breath. Sidewalks and driveways be damned, all flower beds and shrubbery were endangered of being trampled as we strode through yards from house to house. Halloween was a non-stop foot race and you had to take that into account when you were planned your costume. You didn't want anything to bulky that would slow you down (neighborhood kin remember Kristina in her awesome Rubik's Cube costume? great looking costume but not built for the candy hunt), nothing loose that could fall off, nothing to hamper leg motion, and easily removable layers and breathable masks were very important as you were going to be sweating (a lot).

We also believed in a little bit of tricking...if you weren't handing out candy, you might be the subject of getting the apples we received a few doors down thrown into your roof gutters or maybe the mini tube of toothpaste squirted in your mailbox. You can't do that with parents around. Being a guardian this year, I left a bowl of candy and miniature flashlights on my porch for all the ghosts and ghouls. When I got back, it still had some candy and a few flashlights. This is all a far cry from when I was young. If you were foolish enough to leave a bowl of candy unattended on your porch in my neighborhood, chances were very good that the first person in my group to reach your porch would dump the entire bowl into their candy bag and throw the empty bowl in the bushes or on the roof (to dispose of the evidence, so the group of kids would think you left your light on by accident or fell asleep or something - or maybe it was just fun). Admittedly it was not very nice, I can see that now...but the race for that candy bowl was one of the funnest things ever. I can still remember the feeling as those sprints started and the pounding of your heart when you reached the candy bowl in either glorious victory or agonizing defeat. Rarely is so sweet a victory achieved in this life (both literally and figuratively). I was sort of hoping that I would find some evidence of that kind of exuberance - but with everyone having parental guardians along, kids actually paid attention to the "Please Take One" sign.

Halloween just seems a little too sanitized and supervised for my tastes. I hope the kids get to experience a little bit of the feeling of Halloween Freedom for an entire night (really 6pm - 8pm but it felt like all night when I was a kid) because that is one of my favorite childhood memories.

Red Light Cameras

I don't believe in "Red Light Cameras" - the cameras that take pictures of people's license plates who are going through a red light. Partly, I don't believe in these traffic cameras because I don't think citizens need any more invasion into the privacy of their lives by the police department and/or the government. I also believe that law enforcement should be done by humans not by cameras and computers (sorry Robocop). But mostly, I don't believe in them because I don't believe in the given reasons for the cameras: "To Make Us Safer"




It is just not true. It is much easier to make an intersection safer by having a longer yellow light, then a pause between the traffic light turning red and the next light turning green. This will make intersections safer.



If the various police departments and cities would actually say that the Red Light Cameras are to help the police department make money, I would support them. Though my support would be with reservations because of the big brother and privacy issues. However it would be a truthful statement of purpose. It is much cheaper to have a camera citing people 24 hours a day than have a police officer sitting there.



Another thing that they should promote the cameras as doing is "Stopping the assholes who keep turning left even though their light has been red for quite a while." If they could stop this behavior with a camera and keep traffic flowing I would be a strong supporter. I can even name a couple intersections that need these cameras. Just yesterday, I was sitting at an intersection and my light changed to green but I didn't get to go for 90% of the light because people where still turning left in front of me. Out of the 10 cars waiting to go straight, two made it through the light because of these idiots. OK, I guess on second thought the cameras might make it safer because it would eliminate my increasing road rage desire to floor it and T-bone one these inconsiderate fuckers. It's not like this is a one time deal...it happens every time at a couple lights and it is getting worse because idiots imitate idiots when they see there is no repercussions.

I Love You Interwebicon

Graphic by codiceinternet's flickr stream

There are so many great things about the Interwebicon - finding out how to do just about anything, learning about anything, buying strange and exotic products, not having to deal with sales people, maps and directions, product reviews, youtube videos, and of course free porn.

I'm not even a huge porn fan...I watched way too many neighborhood kid's "parents' secret stash" porn videos in my developmental years for it to really turn me on anymore. I don't mind it sometimes, but I don't often actively seek it out either. That being said, I do love that almost anything you type in a search of google images (safe mode off - I like to live dangerously) will come up with the most random porn images sprinkled throughout the results.

I don't care about the porn itself, but I enjoy the fact that someone actually took the time to tag their porn site/photo with all these non-related search terms. Of course typing in the names of any of my top five brought up inappropriate images (as I expected) but pretty much anything you type in will pull up something totally inappropriate. I think Google is actually doing a better job to sort these out recently (even with safe mode off) but they still pop up and they always make me laugh. I know when I am searching for Pinball...I really mean I am searching for naked lesbians. Honestly, isn't that what we are all searching for, all the time?

I like to play a game. Before I type in anything, I try to guess which results page will hold the first nudity. Pinball was page 4, I guessed page 10. The interwebicon exceeds all expectations again! I must admit that this particular image did also include a pinball machine though...so it wasn't completely inappropriate. I don't know if it deserved to be in the top 100 though.

Keep me on my toes interwebicon. I like it.

Cherchez la Femme

Now that I have been single for a while, I suppose it is time to get back out in the world and find the girl. I am not sure exactly what I am looking for because I find all kinds of qualities intriguing...and qualities I might totally hate in one person might work great in another. How do you describe to someone what you like without just sounding totally generic - of course I want a good looking, nice person (I think that goes for 97% of the population - the other 3% having severe fetish issues). As examples, I am going to give you my top five list. I've played this game with girlfriends in the past but have been told that I don't "play it right" or "have the wrong spirit." They were picking Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp while I would list ex-girlfriends, friends of my girlfriend, and the bored housewife next door. I felt if I was going to go through the trouble of making a list, I might as well include people that I actually had a chance to get laid with. So in the "True Spirit" of the Top 5 Game, these are the famous people that I find attractive and charming.

Before we get to the list, I will tell you that I have been told that I have somewhat strange taste in women. I think Angelina Jolie is good looking but just not what I want. I like a big head, big eyes, big forehead, a great smile, small teeth, and intelligence...I have no idea where this comes from but a lot of the people that I find attractive often have some of these traits.

#5 - Summer Glau - Summer is probably the person that most people other people would agree is totally "hawt." I do absolutely think she is cute and adorable (awesome eyes, big forehead, etc...) but I think I like her most because she has such awesome facial expressions and emotions. This worries me a little because she always plays defective characters - River in Firefly where she was crazy, disturbed young girl and Cameron in Terminator:The Sarah Connor Chronicles where she was a robot starting to have conflicts with her programming. She always plays these characters so convincingly that I am drawn to them, they are super powerful but at the same time extremely vulnerable. However, this makes me worry that maybe I am attracted to damaged women with emotional issues...looking over my dating history, I can not say one way or the other for sure. I also love Summer's movement - she was a highly trained ballerina before sidelined with an injury. She brings this wonderful grace and fluidity to her acting (her being a robot in T:TSCC really kind of bummed me out for it's rigidity) as well as physically power that fascinates me. I look forward to seeing her in Dollhouse soon. I've liked Summer since the first episode of Firefly.

#4 Zooey Deschanel - To me, Zooey seems like the sister of one of your best friends. You've grown up with her and seen her around quite a bit but she has always been "little sister." Then one day, you actually hang out with her and find out that she is really smart with a sarcastic edge and really fun to be with. She is a totally different and more complete person than you ever thought about...you just never noticed. I don't know why I get this feeling from her, I just do. I love her deep set, big eyes and her bangs (I totally hate bangs but they look awesome on her). Her music ability is also a big turn on. Since I have ZERO talent in that field, I am always impressed by others talent and she has an awesomely smokey voice. I've dated a girls who have claimed to loved to sing but I can only think of one that I have ever heard sing. Zooey seems like the type of person that wouldn't be afraid to sing in front of her boyfriend. I've liked Zooey since Almost Famous.

#3 Felicia Day - In addition to big heads, eyes, and foreheads; I have also had a sporadic attraction to red-heads. I actually don't know if it is the red hair per se, but if there is a girl that I find attractive to begin with, red hair is never a detraction. Felicia has been my favorite red for a while. I love how she doesn't always cover her freckles with makeup. I think freckles can be sexy as hell but everyone always covers them up. She also have just this incredibly sweet smile. She is totally girl-next door (in the classic sense, not the crappy E! TV show sense), as she seems totally normal and approachable. She seems like she would be a great person to relax and talk with...one of those people that would make you feel welcome in a group of strangers because she is a dork too after all. I know people who think she dresses too much like a librarian at times but for me that makes her even more perfect and awesome. I first liked Felicia when she was Vi on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but my interest was rekindled with the Diet Coke Commercial and Cheetos Commercial...but she took over number #3 after Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.

#2 Rachel Leigh Cook - Rachel has incredible eyes, cheeks, and smile. But of course, no one would ever see that if she wore glasses, had her hair tied up, and wore clothes with paint on them. Ha ha. I thought she looked wonderful in glasses. Rachel's smiles just light up her whole face and she looks completely adorable. Big eyes that just pop out at you. Rachel reminds me of the really cute girl in high school that was not stuck up and would talk to everyone, even us losers. I must admit that I like her a lot more in dark hair than blond, but even blond she always looks lovely. I've like Rachel since She's All That (yes, I could have done the cop out and said the Brain on Drugs PSA, but really she seemed a little too crazy to find attractive at that moment).

#1 Christina Ricci - Christina is pretty much the epitome of everything I find attractive. Huge head, awesome big eyes, prominent forehead, great smile, etc... I think everything about her is lovely. Even when she was heavier than most other actresses at the time, I thought she was gorgeous (I thought she was normal, not heavy but even if she was...I thought she looked good). Truthfully, I can't even describe the whole reason for my attraction to her...it just clicked in my brain one time and ever since have thought she is incredible. I think she is a very talented address that can handle almost any role from sweet to wicked. I want to sit on my bed and listen to records with her and sit next to her and read books. I doubt I could concentrate much on either but I just want to hang out with her and learn what she likes. I prefer her dark-haired but don't mind the blond as a change of pace. I've liked Christina since Casper, which made her illegal at the time but still I couldn't help but be attracted. Yes, I too thought she was awesome in the Addams Family movies...but I wasn't attracted to her at that time, though I did think she was an awesome kid.

Seriously, this picture below with Christina just sitting there with a faint smile on her lips, turns me on to no end.

If you are these women, know these women, or know someone like these women...hook me up. Okay, actually I am not that picky - feel free to set me up with most any single female :) I'm not desperate, but I am not ruling out and options or assistance either.

Living Dangerously

I love it when I come to a soft drink vending machine and there is a label missing on one of the buttons. That mystery button calls to me. My mind races. What could it be? It could be anything! Having a blank button on the machine basically does the exact same thing that hanging a big "Do Not Push This Button" sign would do...I have to push it. I scan through the rest of the labels:

Mountain Dew - Check

Diet Mountain Dew - Check

Pepsi - Check

Diet Pepsi - Check

Cherry Pepsi - Check

Mug Root Beer - Check

Aquafina - Check

Orange Crush - Check

????

What's left? Could it be or Grape Crush? That would be awesome. Strawberry Crush? Amp Energy? The possibilities! Maybe it is something I have never even heard of...or maybe if I push the button maybe I will be warped into an alternate universe. It is like Christmas morning and seeing a big present with your name and you haven't a clue what is inside. Only a $1.25 to find out. It is worth the risk.

Most times when I have tried an empty slot it has been either another place for Mountain Dew or Coke...whatever the best seller is. Once I was very happily surprised by Mr Pibb. Bottled water was my biggest disappointment ever.

This time I was a little disappointed that it was Sierra Mist. This little set back won't stop me from trying the mystery button next time I come across it.

Obviously My Lucky Day

Today must be my lucky day...looking over my morning email -

• I have won the European International Lottery for $28 million Euros (twice!).
• A wealthy Prince wants me to help him get his money out of his country...for which he will pay me a 40% reward ($12 million).
• I have won the Canadian Internet Lottery for a measly $11 million.
• Three people have sent me $1000 gift cards to Wal-Mart.
• I have several opportunities to get rich quick from a new cell phone glitch.
• I can get Viagra at very cheap prices with worldwide shipping ( I wonder if they will accept my lottery winnings as payment?)

Hooray for me!

No, But I Could Beat Him/Her Up (probably)

I have never watched "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?" It is not my style of trivia show. I am more of a Jeopardy-style trivia person. That is question and answer, none of the "final answer" bullshit, talking out the answer, no help from the audience, phone friend, or partner. I believe either you answer the question right or you don't. I can't stand when shows drag 15 minutes worth of questions out for an hour, it is so boring...I think I actually become dumber myself when that happens.

Every time I see a commercial for Fifth Grader, I am curious. No, I am not really curious to watch it. I have lived my life by the credo that the less Jeff Foxworthy and I mix together, the better...and it has worked pretty well so far. It makes me curious about what it the show is trying to say about the educational system. Here are the possibilities in my mind:

• Fifth Graders are so much smarter now, that they can easily whoop an adults ass in a trivia contest.


• Adults should have learned all this in fifth grade themselves, but they were poor students.


• Adults learned all this information but forgot it.

I think this show just goes to prove that the information taught in school is pretty useless in everyday life and therefore forgotten. We teach kids facts and figures, the majority of which will never be brought up again after the test next week. The brain is designed to discard useless information that it no longer needs (that is why you can't remember what you had to eat on Tuesday two weeks ago...it wasn't important or special to warrant brain and thought space). I think when you teach kids loads of facts without any context for connecting it with their daily lives they are bound to forget these facts in a short period of time. Yes, some facts are important but instead of cramming our kids full of facts, we need to teach them how to think. We need to teach a child how to research and apply what they don't know and connect it with themselves. Knowing a lot of trivia questions doesn't not necessarily make you intelligent.