Yes, I'm Lazy

Yes, I have been extremely lazy lately and have not really felt like posting. I have been going through a patch of insomnia so everything is a little hazy around the edges as it is, so going off on some crazy rant would probably be even more worthless and sucky than normal.

Maybe soon though.

Ticket Prices - You Suck!

So they recently announced that Metallica is going to be playing Des Moines. I like Metallica (used to love Metallica but that was before they started writing crappy music) and have seen them many times in concerts. Even though I don't necessarily like their newer music (have you actually listened to St Anger? It is horrible), their concerts were always killer. Where else can you hear a few thousand people chanting "Die, Die, Die"...I'm sure there are other places to hear that but I doubt I would feel safe. Note it's not as cool as a Marilyn Manson concert where a few thousand are chanting "We hate love, we love hate" but still "Die, die, die" is spine tingling.

I was excited about the news, it has been several years since I last saw Metallica in concert...that excitement died when ticket prices where announced. $56 for reserved seating, $76 for general admission. WTF? $20 more for me to stand? I like standing and think it offers the best concert experience but since when can they charge 20 bucks more? Also, I don't mind paying money for a good show, I am not cheap but really is Metallica at the $75 and $95 level of entertainment (after tax and fees)? To someone like me...No, they are not worth it. Not when their concerts have become less about the music and more about spectacle over the years. Remember seeing Metallica just stand up their and fucking rock? But then there was the tour with the collapsing stage and the fake fire and "let's pretend our amps don't work" bullshit. That was all crap to me. I don't need it and in fact it was distracting. I want them to stand up there and just play music that rips the ass out of you. I don't think they can do it anymore...at least not well enough for me to pay $75 - to be forced to sit in a seat. Sorry Metallica...just one more thing about you that pisses me off.

Ok, what the fuck is up with ticket fees? Have you noticed? Tickets fees (the fees charged by the ticket company ontop of the ticket price) are out of control. Fees for 1 Metallica ticket are $14...remember back in the early 1990s when Pearl Jam had a big fight with Ticket Master over these type of fees? Back then fees were between $3-$5. It is bullshit. What is my $14 paying for? Okay, $1 of that is listed as a facility fee. WTF? Facility Fee? I am buying a ticket to a show at your facility...why doesn't my ticket price cover this fee? It is like ordering a hamburger from McDonalds and having them charge you an extra dollar because you used their restaurant. What a load of shit. The other $13 is listed as a "Convenience Fee." Convenient for whom? Defintiely not me. $13 - if it was a convenience fee, it makes it sound like you are doing something that causes them extra work but is more convenient for you - so you should be able to get out of it right? Nope. If you order on-line, at a ticket master location, or even at the venue box office you are still charged this convenience fee (with the exception of the Val Air box office - you guys rock!). I understand Ticket Master needs to cover their costs and make a little money - I am fine with paying some sort of fee...but $13 seems exhorbanant. Plus calling it a convenience fees is just like rubbing salt in the wound. You know they are laughing everyday about this. But it is not just Ticketmaster - Dahl's Tickets, IowaTix, etc... has now gotten into the game prices may very slightly but still they are all gouging you. IowaTix is the best, but they are going downhill. They used to be a reasonable $3 when they first started operating, now they seem to be averaging in the $8-$9 range.

I don't know, maybe I am just getting older and complaining about how things used to cost a nickel when I was a kid, but ticket prices and fees seem to have far surpassed normal inflation in the past ten years.

America F@CK Yeah!

This is America (human). She is my 5 year old niece that I just met for the first time over the weekend. You may be thinking to yourself "What is wrong with you? You never went to see your first niece before?" and this would be a valid question. The reason is that I just found out she existed at Christmas. My brother, Sean (America's (human) father), all up and decided to pull out this Christmas Miracle - "By the way, I have an announcement. I have a 5 year old daughter." It came as a little bit of a shock because a) that's a pretty hard secret to keep for 5 years, and b) it ruins my joke with my mom that "The evil Hulsebus line ends with us four brothers."

Anyhow, America (human) has been living in Mexico the past 5 years with her mother and Sean decided to bring her back with him from his annual Mexico trip (It all makes sense now...there goes my mule theories - or at least them being the only reason he goes every year). She will be with us for at least a year. Right now my mom is working on getting her enrolled in kindergarten. I know it is going to be stressful on my parents (since they are going to be doing the majority of caring for her while she is here) but I think they are happy about it all and I know my mom has always wanted a girl (and if it is a grand daughter instead of a daughter? I am sure she will adjust).


First impressions? She seems like a totally cool kid and is dealing with being in America (constitutional federal republic) pretty well. She doesn't speak much English and we Hulsebi speak little to no Spanish, so it can be a little frustrating on everyone's part but the GF-Unit and a few others have helped translate and communicate. My favorite part of meeting her though was when my brother Ryan got her to start doing the Ole, Ole, Ole, Ole soccer chant...she loved that. She definitely has some spicy Latina in her and is happy to dance and show off. She has a pretty big attitude for such a little person. She has made me laugh quite a bit over the past few days.


Welcome to America (constitutional federal republic), America (human)! I just can't say that name without thinking "Fuck Yeah" afterwards.

Happy Birthday C.T.

So it is my Hetero-Life Pal C.T.'s birthday today. So I just wanted to take a moment to say Happy Frickin Birthday. I hope you are having fun at Iowa State today. We went to Billy Joe's to watch the movie and hang in the lounge...our normal weekly get together. We don't really need to celebrate because every day is a celebration with us (or something like that). The movie was Wanted and I went in with LOW expectations so thought it was okay and had decent effects...still more realistic action than Transporter 2 (aka probably the worst movie that I have ever seen in the theater)! CT and I have shared in many bad movie experiences together though so we are used to it. I am sure CT will have some interesting lessons that he learned from this movie up in the next day or two (jeez, give him a break it is his Bday and he deserves a day off...even though he has been lazy lately). We had fun hanging out in the lounge and hearing not-horrible karaoke while just shooting the shit, it has been a while since I have had other priorities lately (like getting laid). Anyways glad you got a lot of pussy!

Happy Birthday Cameron! Your present is on the way, I swear!

BTW- Sorry for stealing the picture from your site, I don't know if I actually have any handy.

The Middleman

The Middleman is a new (newish - it is on episode 10 or something like that now) show on ABCFamily that I happen to really enjoy. Luckily, I just happened to be watching something like Seventh Heaven reruns or the 700 Club or some equally crappy show that usually makes up the bulk of ABCFamily's usual programing a couple months ago when a commercial for the premier episode came on. I must have thought it looked decent because I set my DVR to record it (had it not been like 4am, I probably would have had more suspicions since it was ABCFamily). I quickly forgot about it. A few weeks later, I am cleaning up my recorded shows and come across the 3 episodes that have taped so far...being bored , I decided to give it a try before deleting. It is a great show - it is very smart and witty, with lots of references to literature, history, and pop culture like movies and comic books (it is based on a comic book after all - but I have never read it although that will probably change soon).

It is about a guy, The Middleman, who fights evil and supernatural things to save the world and keep the world from panicking. The Middleman recruits Wendy Watson (AKA - Dub Dub or Dubby) to be his apprentice to fight evil and set the world to rights...which all sounds pretty boring and lack luster, but the writing is really tongue in cheek, witty, and often makes you think a little to get the jokes. This show has everything (and these are just a few examples from the latest episodes):

• Vampire Puppets (or Puppet Vampires - I haven't decided which is more correct) - check
• Bitchy Robot Secretaries - check
• Evil Succubi posing as fashion models - check
• Fish Zombies - check
• Hooters type restaurant with a pirate theme called The Booty Chest - check
• Inside jokes repeated from episode to episode - check
• Running jokes throughout the episode - check
• Off the wall sense of humor - check

It is just a well written show. Some of my favorite bits -

1. The Middleman and Wendy meet a pancake house, it is called The Batter of the Bulge. Where you can get Panzercakes and Luftwaffles. Plus bulge is just funny because if you eat there too often that is what you will start to do.
2. Wendy's neighbor, Noser, is a talented musician that supposedly knows every song. During a party they play "Stump the Musician" and the audience yells out song names. Holding his guitar, Noser gives a thoughtful look, nods, and goes "Yep, I know it." and they move on to the next song...which again is a "Yep, I know it." Doesn't play a note the whole night but everyone is impressed with his musical knowledge.
3. Vlad Tempes soul stuck in a puppet named Little Vladdy.
4. Every time they go to Wendy's apartment it always says something like "Illegal sublet that Wendy shares with another young photogenic artist"

There are many, many more...it kind of reminds me of The Simpson's when it first came out with all these great inside gags and references to pop culture, as well as, history. It is not the tired and obvious jokes of the likes of Two and Half Men or Will and Grace. It is fun and funny and sometimes makes you think a little before you get the joke. Check it out on Monday nights at 9pm central. I don't think you will be disappointed (unless you have no soul or take everything too seriously - in which case you are beyond my help).

And no, I did not get paid anything or given any kind of kickback for writing this (although a lapdance from Wendy (Natalie Morales) would not be turned down...OK I'd settle for a night of watching a movie and eating mini-corn dogs with her. I just happen to like the show.

Why I Hate You, Iowa State Fair

I am not one of those people that can spend all day, every day at the fair. I went three times this year (a record for me) and although I had fun each day and there were always more things that I wanted to do...I still can't understand how someone would want to do that for a week. The fair tires me out and pisses me off in equal measures to it entertaining and thrilling me. So here is what I hate about the fair:

It's way too expensive - this year I was on a very tight budget, so although I usually don't mind splurging a little...this year every posted price seemed like a twist of the knife in my gut. Seriously? $3 to ride the teacup type rides for a minute? $6 for the Ferris wheel? It is a Ferris wheel. That makes the giant slide look like a bargain at $2.50 (PS - I love the giant slide). $3 each way for the Skyglider that only takes you a quarter of the way across the fairgrounds. $4 for a corn dog (except at that one stand in the midway where they were only a dollar...which made me a little suspicious but hunger won out...and I was able to feed me, the GF-unit, and the Kinda-Kid* for $5), $4 for a soda - refills only $3! Okay refill prices varied but still you are literally spending 4 cents on materials, plus 6 cents labor - 3000% markup seems reasonable. Thank god that I got free admission tickets from work or we wouldn't have been able to do any of those things! Still cheaper than Ribfest!

Rude People - I know it is packed and it sucks waiting in line but what makes you think that you can cut right in front of me to see the baby pigs? If you had asked, I might have let you in but no you had to shove your way past and then act all indignant when I mention that the end of the line is about 5 minutes back. Unfortunately, this seemed to happen in just about every line I stood in - entrance, food, drink, viewing, rides, etc... the whole fair experience would be much better if certain people could understand the concept of a line (and the lines themselves would probably move faster too).

Butter Sculptures - Admittedly, I am always a little impressed at how intricacies of the butter cow sculpture. But that is where I draw the line. I do not need butter Harry Potters or butter portraits of whoever is hot at the moment. I don't think the fair needs to cater to all the latest trends. For me, the butter Shawn Johnson was the tipping point this year. A) it seemed rushed and it looked crappy - yes better than I could do, but not up to my butter sculpting standards - I definitely did not want to fuck the butter Johnson like Larry commented on CT's blog, B) it seemed too contrived, and C) where is butter Lolo Jones - she is an Iowan Olympian this year, is she not. Anyhow, let's stick with the buttercow and drop all the rest...it's too much butter and takes away the uniqueness of the cow.

Seriously look at this weak shit.

The Varied Industry Building - you know the building where all these companies set up booths and try to sell you products or even worse hand out free crap? To me, this building and the sweaty gross people scrambling to get free pencils or a sample of vinyl siding is a special kind of hell. It makes my skin crawl and I want to find the nearest exit if I have been in there longer than 5 minutes.

"Souvenir" Shops - Okay, there are a couple official Iowa State Fair souvenir shops that I don't mind. You know the ones that actually sell stuff that says "Iowa State Fair 2008" on it...I'm not sure why you would want a t-shirt that says that but hey I understand that to be a souvenir and people other than myself would be interested. The "Souvenir" shops that I hate are the ones that just sell cheap plastic crap. Plastic swords, inflatable Spongebobs, toy guns, light up necklaces, etc... CRAP. All of it is crap and I can guarantee it will be broken before you get out the gate of the fairgrounds. How is any of this stuff a souvenir - there is nothing to connect it to the fair besides the outrages prices. And why does there have to be one of these crap shops every 20 feet? They have to make a ton of cash on weak willed people. While sitting on a bench taking a break, one crap-merchant went about hard selling the Kinda-Kid telling him that he had to have this toy gun to remember his visit to the fair...oh and what a great deal, she was going to cut the price in half...she wouldn't even be making a profit! I mean it is a $40 gun and I could buy it for the Kinda-Kid for only $20! Yay! First of all, it was a toy gun...he already has tons or those. Secondly, it lit up and made noise...not really something I want to encourage when he can't sit still as it is. And Finally, maybe...just maybe if you hadn't picked the most expensive thing in your crap-shack to try to hard sell, maybe I would have been more willing to listen. So when I say no the Kinda-Kid starts crying because she convinced him that he needed this gun as a souvenir - she was way worse than any Carnie that we had run into in the midway. Thanks lady, you just turned a wonderful night I had with the Kinda-Kid where we saw exotic animals, watched a rock show, rode some rides, and had good food into "The night I wouldn't buy him a souvenir." That's the memory I wanted him to have. Crap-Seller - you have no idea how bad I wanted to punch you in the face.

Only 357 days till the next fair! I can't wait to see the Big Pig's Testicles!

*Kinda-Kid: is a term I coined a few years ago when my brother was dating a girl with a child. I got tired of explaining "My Brother's Girlfriend's Kid"...so Kinda-Kid was born because it was "kinda his kid, but not really."

Lack Thereof Will Leave Me Empty Inside

So, I've been unemployed for the past couple weeks and possible for a couple weeks more. It is nice not having to work but the stress about money makes it not worth it. But I do know that it is just temporary due to a slow truck market.

So having no money, I thought I would go hang out with all the other white trash at the Iowa State Fair. Luckily, I got free tickets from work before I was laid off. I've gone twice so far...and will probably go again on Friday - yep I am white trash.

Things I have liked about the fair:

• Eve 6 - I've always liked these guys and thought they had a good solid sound. I know some people think a lot of their songs sound the same and I won't deny that many of their songs have a similar cadence or syncopation...but that is just their sound. It was at one of the free stages and I wasn't sure how many people would show up since their biggest hit "Inside Out" was 10 years ago and although they have had some minor hits since, I didn't know if there was a following. It was packed. Lots of teenagers showed up to rock with the band and that made me happy. It was a good show, I had a great time.

• Tattoo Sleeves - A bunch of places where giving out temporary tattoos to all the kids, so many young kids went all out and basically had full sleeves of temporary tattoos. It was pretty funny seeing 8 year old girls all tatted up.

• Corn Dogs - who doesn't love them. I often eat the mini-version while at Billy Joe's, but when at the fair you have to try it's big brother. I am a big fan of all foods on a stick....plus ordering them always reminds me of the hilarious but short lived TV show "Life on a Stick."

• We're Here, We're Queer... - Gay and lesbian couples don't bother me. I figure that you have to do what makes you happy and while you are at it why not be proud? Anyhow, I spotted a lesbian couple (mullets and all) and one had a t-shirt of the postal stamp of Dike, IA really big on the shoulder. I thought that was pretty funny. I am sure Dike's chamber of commerce would be proud.

• Animals - Although I am from Iowa, I am not really a farm kid. I have seen sheep, cows, goats, etc... but don't get to spend a lot of up close time with them. So I think it is cool seeing them all up close. The exotic breeds are cool too...especially the mini-zebu cows.

Of course, there are also many things that I don't like about the fair...I will get to those in a later. post.

Uglies

Just finished reading the first 3 books of Scott Westerfeld's Uglies Series. I bought the box set with a gift certificate that I received for my birthday. Uglies is a series for young adults. YA literature has always been one of my favorite genres of books. There is something about the simplicity of young adult fiction that appeals to me when I am looking for a quick relaxing read. I like how young adult fiction doesn't take itself too seriously and isn't afraid of new ideas or mixing genres. This would probably have been listed as sci-fi in adult fiction, and thereby scaring away a lot of people from reading it (which is a shame because many books labeled as sci-fi are excellent reads for anyone). There is a fourth book in the series that I need to go check out from the PC Library, but I didn't have time before leaving for Wisconsin...so I started reading a different book that I had bought a few days earlier (more on that in another post).

Anyhow, I really enjoyed these books and wanted to tell everyone that there is more to Young Adult literature than Harry Potter, and just because it is YA doesn't mean that it is not a complex story, that is an entertaining and enjoyable read. YA seems to mean that sex is kept to a minimum as well as violence....YA contains small amounts but no orgies or bloodbaths. Heck, YA genre contains - Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn, Oliver Twist, The Count of Monte Cristo, Treasure Island, Kidnapped, and Alice in Wonderland. All classics. I encourage everyone to try it if you are having trouble getting into anything in the adult world of literature (it tires me out sometimes). Try some of the new stuff too, not just the classics...you may be surprised at how much you enjoy it. Let me know if you have any other suggestions for good reads (YA or not), I am always looking for new reading material.

Wisconsin Death Trip

I Survived. Successfully infiltrating the inner circle of the GF-Unit's family. I gained their confidence and walked confidently through their midst without raising any suspicions.


All kidding aside, I actually had a pretty wonderful time at the GF-Unit's Family Reunion (The Johnstad Family Reunion 2008). See me on the right? (Duh, LEFT...Thanks to CT for pointing out that I am an idiot) It all took place in a small Wisconsin town called Whitehall. They rented a fabulous park for the weekend for everyone to gather, have fun, and camp (if they wanted). The park had sand volleyball, tennis courts, baseball field, a pool with a water slide, and a golf course connected. I didn't do as much as I would have liked because I wasn't expecting that type of thing so came ill-prepared.


We camped - it was the first time in several years that I had been camping and I enjoyed it quite a bit...I wish there had been a closer fire pit to cook HDs and S'mores, but it all worked out in the end. I got to meet some of the family, had some good food, listened to some music, had a water balloon fight, and just hung out. I enjoyed their family auction (to help pay for next year's reunion) although I was disappointed not to win the Blongo/Ladderball/Hillbilly Golf set. But one of the GF-Unit's aunts was dead set on having it. Oh well.


My favorite person at the reunion (besides GF-Unit), was Charlie. He was a wiener dog....a tweenie (not a full size but not miniature either) and was wire-haired. He was adorable. Running around always looking for food (the wiener dog way!). Unfortunately, he was also pretty shy so I didn't get to hug him, and squeeze him, and call him George like I wanted to. I did get to pet him a few quick times before he scampered away though. Charlie, I know my dogs would have hated you at first...but I wanted to dognap you very badly.

Photos in this post are copyright Jessica Kreutzfeldt (aka GF-Unit)...She is a really good photographer if you happen to need one.

Wisconsin Bound

This weekend, I am going to Wisconsin for the gf-unit's family reunion (did I really need to hyperlink Wisconsin?). This sort of frightens me...a lot. I feel a little bit like I will be a contender in a Human Show. Primped and preened, paraded around for the judges. Luckily, I have a decent pedigree and can behave well if I am so inclined. I know all the tricks - heel, beg, shake hands, stand still while someone gropes you.

I am also a little bit excited though, because I haven't been camping in years. Neither have I been to Wisconsin since around 1994. But Wisconsin doesn't remind me of cheese or the Packers or anything like that. Wisconsin reminds me of music. First and foremost is a song by the Dead Milkmen called "I'm Living in Wisconsin". You have no idea how many times this song has gotten stuck in my head...I am pretty sure I drove the people I rode with in 1994 nuts singing this song (could be why we are no longer friends).

I'm living in Wisconsin
But only in my mind
The fields, the grass
The farms I pass
The little country inn
Make me long for
Wisconsin

Oh, I'm living in Wisconsin

Although I'm in PA

I'd be in Wisconsin

If I only knew the way

Refrigerator's running
Wisconsin
The clock strikes twelve
Wisconsin
I'm walking on air
Wisconsin
I wish I could fly
Wisconsin

Trust me, it sounds awesome when the Dead Milkmen sing it. WI also reminds me of the album "Wisconsin Death Trip" by Static-X. A great album. WDT is not my favorite song but it is good song (as is the entire album). My favorite part of this album though is the last song. The whole album is this fist pumping, energy inducing, in your face, shot of adrenaline straight into your cortex. But the last song - December - is this quiet, wistful, slowly building song that is like a cool, damp washcloth on your fevered head. It is soothing and relaxing, easing the tension and anger from your body that the rest of the album has built up....just like Wisconsin (or not, I am really only reminded of this because of the name of the album and need to talk to more...I don't really know much to say about Wisconsin itself).