Consequences

Even though it was all for fun, writing this blog has really been somewhat of a life-fulfilling activity (there have been reasons that I have not been writing in the past couple years and that will addressed at a later point).  Writing this blog over the years has had a lot of great consequences.  I've met interesting people, discovered great music, shared and received fascinating ideas, and found a lot of humor in the world.  

However, the best consequence was re-connecting Angie.

It all started with a little blog post congratulating Angie for becoming Miss Wheelchair Iowa 2009.  I had met Angie through a friend nearly 10 years earlier, at a time before she was involved in an automobile accident and becoming a quadriplegic. Around the time of the accident, our mutual friend moved and we lost touch...until the blog post.  We started hanging out again to catch up and then more often as friends and after about a year we started dating.  It's been a wild few years since then full of ups and downs - we became engaged on Dec 24th 2013. 

One Ring to rule them all...

I thought we would take is slow, maybe get married in a year or two but Angie was all "Nope, let's do this."  We were married on September 6th, 2014.  It was an exceedingly busy 9 months of planning and I am mightily thankful that Angie actually handled most of the planning and organizing.  Angie did an incredible job and created a wedding that reflected us and preferences. It wasn't your typical wedding (we are anything but typical) but it was an amazing day.

We decided to do a theme wedding...I know, I know some of those are horrible, but we decided it would be fun to have a 1920's Hollywood themed wedding.  The basis for this being that we are both big fans of both theater and movies, plus you know the outfits back then were just elegant and fun.  That was our base point for planning and the ideas developed from there.  Sticking with the theme, I had hoped to get married at the old Billy Joe's Picture Show location since I was always such a fan but unfortunately our guest list (correction - Angie's guest list) made that space a little too tight.  So after much searching we decided on the Iowa Events Center.  IEC used to be called Veterans Auditorium and I had seen many great concerts there like Kiss, Motley Crue, and Ozzy (and yes it is where Ozzy bit the head off a bat); how could I have a problem with a historic institution like that?  I think it is cool.

Of course, Hollywood themed we had to set the mood...so we started brainstorming.  We let our imaginations and desires run a little wild (sorry, this is probably going to just be a bunch of pictures).

We needed people to know where they were going.  We needed a lighted marquee.  This was created by my dad.  He did a great job, especially because I just said - "Will you make us a lighted marquee?"  We didn't know how it would be hung or where it would go, but it ended up being incredible.  Unfortunately, this picture doesn't do the lights justice.

Our names in lights

Red carpet and red curtains were a must and of course our bridesmaids and groomsmen would be seating in movie theater seats.  Gold stanchions and velvet ropes to keep the crowd in line.

The walk down the red carpet

We thought it would be funny to have us photoshopped into various famous movie posters like we have been in all these movies.  It was a fun photo shoot and our photographer (Black Label Studios) did a great job of making the posters.  The frames came from the Re-Store in Des Moines - only $10 each!

Grease, Phantom of the Opera, The Princess Bride, Singin' in the Rain, The Wedding Singer.

Top Gun - close up

Refreshments - movie popcorn and candy...what else did you expect?  Movie film, popcorn, and the velvet ropes and stanchions were loaned to us by the Merle Hay Cinema (I miss you guys already).  Movie reels were loaned to use by Fleur Cinema.  Both are places we visit regularly.

Popcorn and candy waiting for the guests.

Our star ready for the Hollywood Walk of Fame.  We also pressed our hands into "cement" ala Grauman/Mann's Chinese Theater for our unity ceremony (probably shouldn't trust us with fire).  Unfortunately that didn't turn out as great as I would have liked, just too much rushing on the day of the wedding to get it done right.

Our star

We decided we were famous enough that we needed life-size* cardboard cut-outs of us.  OK, I thought of the idea because I really didn't want to pose for a lot of pictures and figured this way that we could still let everyone get pictures with "us."  It worked like a charm.

*not quite life-size - mine is a little shorter, Angie's is a little taller to make for more balanced photos.

Feeling a little flat

Real vs Doppelganger -
Is it strange that facebook recognized and automatically tagged the cutouts instead of us?

My grand entrance song was the theme to the Muppet Show.  "It's time to play the music, It's time to light the lights..."  Angie did the more traditional wedding march, but we left to Red Sweater by The Aquabats.  Seriously, could she have been more open to strange ideas?

Center Stage  - Fur stole and tails and top hat.

We both love the movie, The Princess Bride, so we thought it was only fitting that we convince our minister to re-enact that scene at the beginning of the wedding.  Luckily, The Princess Bride is also one of our minister's favorite movies, so it didn't take much convincing (Thanks David!).  Not everyone got it...but to us, it was hilarious.

Wuv, twue wuv.

As our minister went to change into his normal clothes, our wedding had a short interruption by Elvis who serenaded us with some "All Shook Up."  This was a surprise that I did not know about until the rehearsal the day before.  Why Elvis?  I had been joking with Angie for years that if I ever got married, I was going to Vegas and getting married by Elvis.  So this was an inside joke that no one else would understand.

Ladies and Gentleman...Elvis!

The Feature Presentation

The fun and surprises continued with the reception.  I don't care for cake, of course, I would happily eat it on my wedding if Angie wanted a cake...but she agreed that we should go with Rice Krispie treats (one of my favorites).  Angie had a Rice Krispie cake made with Princess Leia and Han Solo toppers.  We also had a large selection of Rice Krispie treat flavors including: original, scotcheroo, peanut butter and bacon (the Elvis), and Fruit Pebble.  Instead of a full sit down meal, we decided to have a lot of appetizers of our favorite foods such as mini-corn dogs and white cheddar cheese curds (it had to be white cheddar...I am picky like that).  IEC did a great job with all the food and I wish I had been able to eat more.

mmmmm....

"I love you."  "I know."

Angie then surprised me with a Groom's Cake.  It was styled after a pinball machine with a hockey theme.  I had originally wanted to set up my pinball machines so everyone could play during the reception.  However that idea got thrown out early due to some demands from the IEC. So this cake was a really cool way of Angie bringing in more of my favorite things.  I am not even sure what a groom's cake is, but it was really thoughtful of Angie...and also made of rice krispie (with marshmallows and candy for various buttons and lights).

Delicious, delicious pinball

Our good friend, Tim AKA DJ NSFW, spun records for the first half of the reception.  Then our favorite local band, No Good Deed,  played a set for the second half.   I would recommend either or both for all your Des Moines area music needs.  I wish I had more time to rock out.

No Good Deed

It was a great day...and we passed the line of paparazzi as we left triumphantly.

Here are just a couple photos from the day that I thought turned out well.

On the new pedestrian bridge in downtown DM

A quiet moment before all the craziness

Thank you Angie for all the hard work and effort that you put into our wedding.  I feel like a total slacker for not doing nearly as much and for not having the creative surprises for you that you had planned for me.  I love you and think that you are wonderful.  I am glad that having you in my life has been the best consequence (by far) of this blog.  

Thank you to everyone who was able to help us celebrate or wished us well,  Special thinks to everyone who was in our wedding or helped along the way, it would not have been the same without you.  We appreciate you all.

Don't Screw Me Disney

I may have mentioned my love for Muppets once or twice...(or more).  But I am not sure what to think about the new movie:  The Muppets

The Muppets comes out on Nov 23rd, 2011 and is the first Muppet movie by Disney.  Disney purchased the Muppets in 2004.  I am not sure what to think.  My initial thought is that Disney is pretty responsible with its characters and will treat the Muppets right...keeping them from going the route of CGI.  But then I remember all the god awful straight to video animated sequels that Disney has forced upon the world in the past 20 years (think Aladdin The Return of Jafar, or Cinderella II and III).  OK, I've not actually seen most of the sequels because Return of Jafar was enough to make me very wary of Disney straight to video.

The poster really doesn't do that much for me.  I like it's simplicity, but find their legs creepy...and too fake looking...and I wish there were other characters instead of the big 5.  Where's Dr Dunsen Honeydew and Beaker, they are infinitely more interesting to me than bitchy Miss Piggy or chicken fetish Gonzo.  We've been there and done that.   I try to be hopeful, but it is hard.  I was hopeful for the 3 movies in the 1990s - Muppets Christmas Carol, Muppets Treasure Island,  and Muppets From Space - but once they actually came out in the theater I was not able to bring myself to watch them.  I think I was still a little disillusioned from Jim Henson's death and was afraid that the Muppets were going to be exploited in a way I didn't agree with.

I still haven't seen these three movies, but have since watched the OK Muppets Wizard of Oz, and am a big fan of the Muppets Studio youtube productions.  Both of these give me lots of hope for the new movie. I think a Muppet movie with actual puppets will be a really nice change from all the 3D CGI animated movies out there.  I am eagerly awaiting a trailer...and maybe, just maybe I will see a Muppet movie in the theater for the first time since The Muppets Take Manhattan in 1984.  It has to be better than the Smurfs right (not even NPH's awesomeness can save that)?

Where's Floppy?

I was fortunate enough to have the entire week after Christmas off work.  I had big plans - plans to see a lot of movies with CT, plans to spend a lot of time with my girl, plans to get a lot of stuff done around the house.  None of those happened, because I ended up being sick the entire week...for the second year in a row.  My sickness wasn't as bad as last year...but it definitely limited the way I spent my time off.  Luckily, I did feel well enough to celebrate New Year's Eve with Angie and catch the 2nd Annual Floppy Film Festival.

For those who are too young, or don't live in central Iowa.  The Floppy Show (and it's many variations) was a locally produced children's show.  The show consisted of ventriloquist Duane Ellett and his dog puppet Floppy interacting with the audience of young children - mostly the kid's telling jokes or "beeping" Floppy's nose - between old Bugs Bunny and Tom & Jerry cartoons.  Each show started the same, Duane counting down "3...2...1" and the kids yelling "Where's Floppy?" as Floppy popped out of his box and each show ended the same, "Floppy yelling "Soooo Loooong Kids" and the kids replying "Goodbye Floppy".  Simplicity and low budget but yet it was magic.  It was a daily ritual for kids, much like the Pledge of Allegiance at school. Floppy (in one show form or another) aired from 1957-1987.  As a kid, I remember watching Floppy at noon while eating my PB&J sandwich lunch.  It was what you did as a kid.  I also remember being disappointed whenever President Carter or Reagan would disrupt my Floppy viewing with a live press conference  or speech. I would think "Who cares....Floppy should be on!"  My political attitude hasn't changed much since then.

Floppy logos and images copyright The Duane Ellett Family

I wouldn't say that The Floppy Show was that important in the larger scheme of things, but it is one of those things that will always remind me of my childhood.  I remember the day in second grade when our class took the field trip to be on the Floppy Show...it was literally THE field trip of the year.  Forget the fire station, forget the pumpkin patch, forget the museum - The Floppy Show field trip was the event of the year, the whole reason for second grade (oh and maybe some education).  So what did you get for your Floppy Show field trip?  You got to hangout on the Floppy Clubhouse set for 30 minutes while they taped a show (you very own (possible) TV extra appearance),  you got to either tell Floppy a joke or beep his nose, and you got a "goody bag" which had an orange, a soda, and maybe a small piece of candy.  It was great.

In May 1987, Duane and Floppy celebrated his 30th anniversary.  A month later, Duane Ellett died of a heart attack while jogging.  It was one of those moments for me - you know those moments that you remember where you were and what you were doing when you heard the news.  Those older than me recall the the assassination of JFK and the moon landing.  I clearly remember three people dying:

1. John Lennon - my mom and dad are huge Beatles fans, so it was a powerful moment for our house.
2. John Denver - I am a big JD fan and happened to be thinking just the day before that JD would tour around here again soon. 
3. Duane Ellett - I was old enough not to be into Floppy any more, but I was still saddened and it seemed like the end of an era.

I was always impressed by Duane and Floppy even as I grew older and past the target audience.  To me, it just always seemed like Duane loved what he was doing.  Most people would probably snap after hearing the same jokes over and over again.  Just imagine how many times Duane must have heard "Why'd the man throw the clock out the window?" or "What's the biggest pencil in the world?" or "Why did the man put the car in the oven?" (which is the joke I told!).  Literally, thousands of times over 30 years...but Duane always smiled and Floppy feigned ignorance...only jumping in with the answer if the joke was told twice in a row.  I am sure Duane had bad days, but he was always there to entertain the kids.  Even when the kids made his job difficult, he always kept smiling and making jokes with Floppy.  It really does take a special type of person to do this day in and day out.  I know some people here are probably saying that teachers, parents, or daycare providers do this, but really they don't...not to this degree - The Floppy Show was nearly identical for 30 years, every day.  That type of repetition would drive most people insane and I think most would turn into Rainbow Randolph from Death To Smoochy - a little bitter, a little crazy, and a little perverted.

Floppy logos and images copyright The Duane Ellett Family

The 2nd Annual Floppy Film Festival was very interesting.  I missed the first one due to severe illness.  So even though I wasn't feeling 100%, I was determined to go to this one (and special thanks to Angie for making all the arrangements and keeping it in mind when I couldn't concentrate on anything).  Basically, it was just a bunch of Floppy clips throughout the years edited together...but they all brought back lots of memories. I forgot about all the different versions of The Floppy Show - The Floppy Show, Duane and Friend, and The Floppytown Gazette to name a few...even though I had seen each hundreds of times.  All the different stage sets and to seeing Duane throughout the ages was just plain nostalgic.  I wish there were more interviews with Duane.  I thought it was fascinating to hear what he thought of the whole experience.  Maybe the interviews don't exist but I do hope somewhere there is more with Duane.  I watched the guy for years, and would just like to know a little more about who he was and what he thought when he wasn't performing with Floppy.  It was still a very entertaining experience though - clips of Bill Cosby and Adam West on the Floppy Show, clips throughout all 30 years, and a few cartoons thrown in for good measure.  You better believe that I bought a Floppy t-shirt like the one I always wanted as a kid.  I highly suggest any one who enjoyed Floppy as a kid to check out next year's festival.

Miss you Duane & Floppy.

Last Minute Christmas Idea #6

Last Minute Gift Idea #6:  Muppet Whatnot


Muppets are awesome.  I've loved the Muppet Show since I was a kid.  I continue to love the videos that the Muppet Studio continues to make, such as this which is fitting for the season:



So I was very excited a few years ago when I found out that FAO Schwarz was going to offer a custom Muppet creation lab.  You are not making copies of the existing Muppets.  The object is not to recreate Miss Piggy or Kermit.  You are creating your own personalized Muppet...like if it was an extra for the Muppet Show.  How cool is that?  What kid wouldn't want to create their own Muppet?  A kid who is destined to be a soulless serial killer.  Jeffrey Dahmer would not want to make his own Muppet.  But assuming that you are not a soulless serial killer, you want a Muppet.  You know you do.  I am lucky to already have a Muppet Whatnot, you may remember Vick Fyre.  He is awesome, and I am starting to think he might need a friend.  Making your own Muppet is easy.

1) Go to FAO

2) Pick your body style

3) Pick your eyes

4) Pick your nose (ha ha - I've been saying "pick" just for that joke, normally I would have typed "Choose")

5) Pick a hairstyle

6) Pick your clothing

7) Hit "Preview" to check out your Muppet and order if you want.


A couple quick examples:

Scientist / Doctor - using your whole fist doc?

Hippie Chick - damn dirty hippies

Monster

Balding but hairy elsewhere

Right now Muppet Whatnots are about $100, I've seen a little cheaper but usually they are about $120-$130...but really they are worth it.  They have high quality construction, and are just plain cool.  You might be thinking that you don't play with puppets - it is pretty rare for me too, but just seeing my own Muppet sitting there across the room fills my heart with joy (plus you always have it for those Muppet emergencies that do come up).

Everyone have a Great Holiday Season (or don't...I don't want to force it on you, do what makes you feel comfortable).

Ape Puppets and Big Schlongs

I don't watch MTV.  Besides flipping past hoping for some videos, I have maybe watched an few hours worth of MTV in the past couple years.  Jersey Shore - sounds horrible, so I never watched.  16 and Pregnant - although I like the idea of slutty teens, knocked up teens really not a turn on.  True Life - bleh.  My Super Sweet 16 - why would I want to watch something about spoiled rich kids. Etc...  Flipping to MTV makes me feel like Bowman in 2001: A Space Oddity -  "The thing's hollow -  it goes on forever - and - oh my God - it's full of Shit"

However, when I was flipping past this last weekend I happened to catch a commercial with Warren the Ape.  Warren the Ape from the awesome show "Greg the Bunny."  Warren Demontague - the drug addicted, gun toting, helmet wearing ape puppet.  You may know that I am a sucker for muppets and puppets...so obviously I was already in.  The commercial talked about Warren's new show coming coming next Monday (June 14th) - right after the show about the kid with the big schlong.  I don't know if you can imagine an ape puppet saying schlong out of the blue, but let me tell you that it is awesome.  I can't wait to see the Warren show.  I hope Count Blah and Tardy the Turtle make a guest appearances.


The show about the kid with the big schlong happened to be The Hard Times of RJ Berger.  It happened to be premiering the following night, so I decided that since they were giving a show to Warren a show that MTV might actually be onto something that I like.  I went in with low expectations and found it to be pretty darn good. The idea almost seems generic at first - the dorky loser and his chubby friend each in love with the various high school hotties, but both invisible to everyone except to get picked on by the jocks.  Typical high school drama...until RJ is accidentally depantsed in front of the crowd at a basketball game.  The losers' fortunes start to change when everyone realizes that RJ has an extremely large penis.

Obviously, sophomoric humor - dick, fart, and sex jokes abound.  A lot raunchier than I would have expected, almost like watching a TV version of the American Pie movies.  I am not always in the mood for this type of thing but at the right time it is pure gold.  I would suggest checking out episode one which I am sure is being re-run over and over on MTV all week.

The Chubby Kid, the Slutty Free-Spirit Girl, the Lovable Dork, the Hot Girl, and Hot Girl's Jock Boyfriend

Introductions are Necessary

Introducing...Vick Fyre

This is Victor Fyre. Vick is the lead singer in the lounge act Vick Fyre and the Pyrophonics (their music is so hot the lounge is on fire!). He has a distinguished career in lounge music. Vick was a founding member of The Floyd Kolton Experience but left the band after several years due to artistic difference. He has also performed in many other influential acts throughout the Midwest. Vick has been immersed in lounge music since birth with father being a featured player in super-group Gubby Town Express and his mother being the biggest groupie of GTE. Vick spent his youth honing his crooning to perfection while surviving on the mean streets of Des Moines, Iowa. Now a successful musical artist, Vick uses his street smarts to woo the audience and especially the ladies. Pictured below, Vick is trying to shut me up after a particularly late night of womanizing and drinking martinis because my singing was throwing him off key. Vick Fyre and the Pyrophonics will probably be touring an airport lounge near you in the future.

Thanks so much to GF-Unit for getting me Vick for Valentines Day. It is way too much of a gift for such a crappy holiday, but I enjoy muppets so much that I couldn't really refuse. Now I just need to practice my puppetry skills...which are worse than terrible.

Christmas 2008

It was a pretty good Christmas, I got some decent gifts (although sadly no Muppet Whatnot from FAO...in fact a shocking lack of Muppets involved all around) and I gave some decent gifts.

My theory of Christmas is a lot different than a lot of people's...I don't tell people what I really want...although reading this blog I have mentioned some items that I do love - but was not really expecting. I give my mom a list of things because I know she is busy taking care of America (human) and shopping for a whole list of people, but everyone else I will pretty much just let them figure it out. I am not usually looking to get anything specific - I more just enjoy seeing what other people think I will like. It is not a test - I am not thinking to myself "How well does this person know me?" I just like to see how other people interpret me. Does that make sense? There have been various levels of success and failure over the years.

GF_Unit did really well this year after I mentioned the Millennium Falcon quilt from Pottery Barn. She did not go out and buy me one, thank god...because I would have said "You spent $230 on a blanket? Seriously?" No, GF_Unit took the idea and hand made me a Millennium Falcon blanket. Big bonus points for that. It turned out pretty awesome...especially for being handcrafted in a short period of time. I can't imagine the time and effort that it took to make. It is much better than a $230 one (although I do reserve the right to still buy one if they go on sale!). The picture below doesn't do it justice. Is it perfect? No but it is much more heartfelt and it means a lot to me. Hopefully George Lucas doesn't sue her for copyright infringement. Now I look like a total dork with my Star Wars blanket and hoodie.

Homemade Gift from GF_Unit

Original Inspiration

Now if only I could get a Muppet Whatnot from FAO for my birthday...nudge, nudge, wink, you know what I mean.

One Reason I Suck

I have been on vacation the past two weeks...doing the holiday things with my family and GF_Unit's family. I had meant to still post while I was vacationing but then I decided that I was much too lazy. What can I say, I suck...didn't you read the title of this blog? I am unreliable, I'll lie, I'll cheat, I'll Benedict Arnold your ass when you aren't looking.

I am back to a normal schedule now though and will be posting various hates, rants, and rambling incoherency on a semi-regular basis again. Before the end of the week, I hope to post my thoughts about the Christmas gifts I received (and the lack of Muppets therein)...but overall it was a pretty good haul.

Two Minutes Hate Tuesday

Myspace / Facebook

Yes, I have accounts on both (a necessary evil)...but that doesn't mean I can't hate them. I do. I think it is a great concept but I don't think it is executed properly and the whole experience just leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. I don't really go to either much any more because I like blogging here so much better.

A lot of it has to do with the "friend" concept on these sites. It seems that for many people it is just to get as many virtual friends as possible. I want to keep it to a close bunch of friends, acquaintances, and people I find interesting...but others don't understand this. Just because I've met you for 5 minutes in real life does not mean we are friends, so why should be be friends on Myspace? I really don't care about you, any of your updates, or want to contact you. This is especially true for people I work with...seriously don't I see you enough?

Even worse than that are the random people that send you friend invites (I'm not even talking about the spam erotic site friend requests) and don't include a message or even worse have their profile set to private so that I can't read it to see if we have anything in common. They could be a murderer, terrorist, or white supremacist. I wouldn't want to be their friend in that case as I am not friends with those people in real life. I will often send a message asking who they are, why they want to be friends and if they have ever killed someone, hijacked anything, or believe in a master race. I usually don't get a reply...I guess you really wanted to be friends, huh? If I do get a response it is often like "I just wanted to be friends, sorry to piss you off. I thought that is what people did on myspace." It is...but I know nothing about you except for a 1" x 1.5" picture and that you have some stupid band quote in your profile (and by the way, I hate that band and I do not think you are an intellectual for using that quote).

I also hate the people that have songs start playing as soon as you load their page. That is so annoying. Not only do you have bad taste in music but you are trying to force it down my throat. I usually already have music playing when I am at my computer so I really don't want to be interrupted by your favorite little death metal band that no one else has heard of. I do give exception to this rule for pages that are maintained by bands themselves. In this case, I am going there expressly to check them out so I don't mind.

Everyone also wants to do their own layout and have their own backgrounds to express their individuality...which is fine (I guess) unless you have no taste (neon green lettering on a bright orange background) or if you are just going to download it from a site that makes page templates (that does not make you original, in fact the opposite). Not to mention, most people have no design skill and their page ends up more confusing than anything. Oh and black on black doesn't make you cool, tough, mysterious, or evil. It just makes your page hard to read.

Admittedly Facebook is better than Myspace in many of these regards but it does still has many of the same annoyances. Plus - I really don't have time to check out that virtual muppet you sent me (and I love muppets see previous post - send me that muppet in real life!), don't care about the virtual plant you sent me for my virtual garden (and how does that help the environment), don't want to join your mob war, don't want to join your fan club, don't want your virtual jewelry or cookies. I know you put a little time and effort into this and that was nice...but next time just send me a message telling me how you are doing. It will be more meaningful.

Don't get me wrong, I think both have a lot they can offer people. I do like how I can get updates about my actual friends but the whole package is just not for me...and yes, I have tried (I've even gone on a couple dates with people I met through myspace = horrible). I just can't stand these services for more than a couple minutes at a time and don't understand how people can spends hours and hours on them. I do find Mydeathspace interesting though.

End Two Minutes Hate

Best Christmas Present of the Year

The Muppet Show is one of the best things EVER. I am a big fan of Jim Henson and all that he has accomplished for the puppet trade. Labyrinth is still one of my top 10 movies. Right now, I have The Muppet Wizard of Oz on DVR waiting to be watched. If I had any vocal talent, I would have loved to be a puppet engineer. But you can still be an amateur muppet technician with your personally designed muppet from FAO Schwarz. Only $90. You choose the body, nose, eyes, hair, and clothing. If I had any extra cash right now I would already have one on the way, but no I am trying to save and get the credit cards all paid off. I can dream that someone will get me an awesome muppet for Christmas. I have just spent an hour playing with their muppet generator.

I think the Lounge Jacket with the Bow Tie is especially handsome on a muppet.