I have been sick since Saturday. Stomach ache, cramps, diarrhea cha cha cha. I have spent the last four days either on the couch or on the toilet. The couch was much preferable, because even the softest toilet paper now feels like 80 grit sandpaper to my backside. So unfortunately, I missed golfing with my bro (boo), missed the Chops pre-season game (boo), and missed 2 days of work (yay). It was not one of those illnesses where I could enjoy my time off even a little bit as mostly I was in some form of extreme discomfort most of the time. While wasting my days in the bathroom, I did get a good start on The Golden Compass...so if any good had come from this illness, I guess that would be it. Also I ate an entire box of Townhouse Crackers within a 24 hour period...not a record for me, but at least I had an excuse this time "I had an upset stomach and crackers are supposed to calm it." That sounds better than "I just really, really like crackers."
Since I have been sick it seems that everyone else around me has been sick too - two of my brothers and one of their GFs, my boss, and a couple friends. I guess I must be patient zero in this epidemic since I don't know who I got it from...so I apologize to anyone I know that has been feeling sick the last week.
If being sick for four days wasn't enough, I have also contracted Urushiol-Induced Contact Dermatitis (aka Poison Ivy). I am highly allergic to poison ivy and often don't even have to touch it to contract it. Just getting close is enough for me, there is often enough oil in the air to affect me. I wasn't always this way, when young I never had a reaction to poison ivy and sometimes would flaunt this to people by purposely playing with it (and once even eating it). I now know this was incredibly stupid because people's resistance to it weakens over time and with each contact. I am paying for that young foolishness now. I have contracted a poison ivy rash every summer since my first one at age 19. I thought I was going to escape this summer...but the camping must have done me in. It has now been almost two weeks, I shouldn't get any more outbreaks...just have to wait for the ones I have to heal.
2 comments:
That rash? That ain't poison ivy. That rash is karma fuckin' with you.
Just know that if you were the source of the zombie infection and the only way to stop was to off you, I would do it. Or chain you up and play video games games with you like in Shawn of the Dead.
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