It is now been over a year since I have had horrible dreams. One will still sneak in every once in a while, but no longer is my normal night filled with knives, spears, and shotguns shooting in my direction. No longer are my memorable dreams the ones of a deadly game of cat and mouse that I am always bound to lose.
I don't know what demons my brain had to exorcise, but they seem to be gone now. It has taken a lot of work...forcing myself to bed before 3 or 4 am, actually trying to sleep. Although I had long ago gotten used to the dreams, I think they still had a lot to do with my sleeping habits. I rarely got more than 4 hours...and existing on 2-3 hours each night for weeks at a time became pretty common place. Often it wasn't even 3 hours in a row - maybe a couple hours from 2am to 4am then up till 5am and one more hour of sleep before I had to get up for work. It was exhausting but it was something that your body got used to after a week or so. I would have horrible sleep for several months and then semi-normal sleep for a week or two before getting back to the next cycle to terrible sleep.
In the past six months, I have enjoyed the longest period of normal sleep schedule that I have had in well over 10 years. My dreams have started to turn more and more senseless and bizarre...not scary in anyway, but just strange with little tidbits of my life, thoughts, and day intermixed. It seems more like what other people dream about, but it is new and interesting experience for me. I often even know that it is a dream but have not been able to enact lucid dreaming yet (dreams where I realize it is a dream and take control...allowing such feats as flying), but I hope to soon. It would be a complete 180 from constantly being the helpless and hunted to being the controller of the dream.
|What dreams are made of...apparently.|
I am still getting used to these strange and irreverent dreams, but as confusing as they are - it is really nice not to die, even though I do at times still feel apprehensive while in a dream waiting for the hunters to come.