Everywhere a Sign

I am not an expert ice skater...I am not even a good ice skater.  The first time I skated was the week of my 34^th birthday...and (surprising) grace and balance on the ice did not come naturally.¹ I've taken a few lessons and skated a few more times since...but I am still pretty awful.  Despite how uncoordinated I am, this sign that I saw in an Ankeny park, does not in any way say "Skating" or "No Skating."

Skating?  You keep using that word. 
I do not think it means what you think it means.² 

Hmmm...well wait, I guess after looking at photos of figure skating, maybe I am the one doing it wrong.  No wonder I had trouble.  I think it is a little presumptuous for the city to assume that just anyone skating is going to be doing Layback or Biellmann Spins.  Don't be all arrogant Ankeny...some of us are just beginners you know.

Yeah, I am not that good...yet.

This Ankeny park also uses this same image for the "No Swimming" signs.  But even that isn't accurate.  That image is in no way a person swimming.  It could be someone drowning I guess, and I think that is a sentiment that we can all agree with "No Drowning" allowed in this pond.  There is just something about this sign that doesn't make sense...as a good citizen I decided to make some better slogans and warnings for this sign (if I had some red and white paper, scissors, and some tape with me, I would have fixed them myself).  Here are some of my suggestions:

You're Welcome.

¹ That is a story for another time
² I was very happy that my camera recognized the sign as a "face"