Everywhere a Sign

I am not an expert ice skater...I am not even a good ice skater.  The first time I skated was the week of my 34^th birthday...and (surprising) grace and balance on the ice did not come naturally.¹ I've taken a few lessons and skated a few more times since...but I am still pretty awful.  Despite how uncoordinated I am, this sign that I saw in an Ankeny park, does not in any way say "Skating" or "No Skating."

Skating?  You keep using that word. 
I do not think it means what you think it means.² 

Hmmm...well wait, I guess after looking at photos of figure skating, maybe I am the one doing it wrong.  No wonder I had trouble.  I think it is a little presumptuous for the city to assume that just anyone skating is going to be doing Layback or Biellmann Spins.  Don't be all arrogant Ankeny...some of us are just beginners you know.

Yeah, I am not that good...yet.

This Ankeny park also uses this same image for the "No Swimming" signs.  But even that isn't accurate.  That image is in no way a person swimming.  It could be someone drowning I guess, and I think that is a sentiment that we can all agree with "No Drowning" allowed in this pond.  There is just something about this sign that doesn't make sense...as a good citizen I decided to make some better slogans and warnings for this sign (if I had some red and white paper, scissors, and some tape with me, I would have fixed them myself).  Here are some of my suggestions:

You're Welcome.

¹ That is a story for another time
² I was very happy that my camera recognized the sign as a "face"

It's Derby Time - but not the Kentucky Kind

The Mid Iowa Rollers' roller derby season begins next weekend on March 13th.  I highly enjoyed all the bouts that I was able to make last year.  If you are in the DSM area, I suggest you check it out....a good time always had by all.  Skating girls, speed, violence...fun, fun, fun!  Can't wait to see the new team in action.

Hell on Wheels

I've always enjoyed roller skating. Trust me, I am terrible at it (like most things in life) but I do enjoy it. I have fond memories of the hand-me-down metal wheel skates in the 70s to the all-night skate lock-in where I witnessed the Thriller video for the first time. I liked skating but didn't get to go very often, once maybe twice a year. So, it is one of those things I grew out of and forgot about.

My interest was renewed 10 years ago with the popularity of in-line skates, but not really having a good place to skate (or more accurately learn to use in-line skates) it was very much just a passing interest. I was piqued again when CT's sister-inlaws started renting the local rink once a year for a friend and family get together. It is the same rink from my childhood where I spent time skating, playing Gauntlet, and watching aforementioned Thriller video. The rink has gone through about 10 name changes: Skate North, Skate Country, Skate 2000, etc...and is now called Incrediroll, but it is still the same place in spirit, even if I don't agree with them covering the wood floors with a skate pad. I had a great time at all these events and my amazing skating skills blew everyone away - I was just like Sweetness in Roll Bounce[citation needed]. OK maybe not. Even though my skating skills had not magically improved over the 20 years (as anyone who witnessed my Hokey Pokey skills can attest), it was a great time. These events really brought back to me how much fun skating can be when you do it well...for me that would be gaining speed and then actually accomplishing a couple foot over foot turns, it is not much I know but I take my victories where I get them. For me, that always felt like flying.

This is all a rambling lead in to tell you how excited I am to be going to see roller derby this Saturday. The Mid Iowa Rollers are skating in competition this Saturday. Yes, Des Moines has their own roller derby team and I am really looking forward to seeing them in action. I've known about them for a couple years but haven't actually had a chance to see them in action. This weekend I am making no excuses and I am going to the match (game? competition? tournament? derby?) I am not sure what the correct terminology would be but never the less, I will be there. What is better than a little skating, a little rock-n-roll, a little punk attitude, some bone-crushing hits, and a little sexuality? Awesome. All the action takes place at Buccaneeer Arena. Check it out if you don't have anything going on.

c-TAL fa-TAL (Mid Iowa Rollers Member)