Monday, June 15, 2009

A Letter to Jessica

Over the past weekend, Jessica and I have broken up. This was my idea/fault and in no way should reflect poorly on Jessica.

Dear Jessica,

I know this is hard for you, I wish it could be another way. Hurting you is not what I wanted or ever intended.

I really had hoped that I would come around and love you how you deserve to be loved - whole heartedly, the way that you seemed to love me. You made me feel so special and loved. I tried. I really did, but for some reason I could only get there 70% of the way. And the majority of the remainder wasn't because of you, it was all me. There were a lot of little things and a couple larger things that have always bothered me and made me have trepidations, but nothing that couldn't be overcome with enough love. For me, there was something missing, some kind of connection or some kind of chemistry...something. Honestly, I am not sure what it was, but there was just a part of me that was not happy.

It was not you - you were wonderful and always did so much for me. You were so great that it should have been easy for me to love you. I just couldn't get past that point, no matter how much I wished it would come about. I liked you a lot, I still like you a lot. It was enough to keep me happy for a long time...and I probably could have stayed like that for a long time still. However, I know you needed more and it hurt that I couldn't provide the level of emotional support you needed. In my mind I wanted to, but my heart couldn't do it.

I was really afraid that if we kept things how it was we would be happy for a while but I think that resentment would slowly start to creep in...from both of us. I think our relationship would have slowly soured and that it would be even more painful once it final did end. I didn't want to end up hating you (even though I totally understand if you hate me at the moment).

There has been many sleepless nights and much soul searching over the past few weeks to come up with the decision to end our romantic relationship. I'm not saying that for people to feel pity for me, I just want you to know that I didn't come to this decision lightly. It was a very difficult decision to make. You have been so amazing to me and for me. All of my happiest moments of the past year have included you. However, at this time I still couldn't see a long term future. I came to the question of whether I was in it for the long term or more because it was convenient and easy. Ideally I would have been able to answer that I was in for both reasons but more and more I could see that the convenience was becoming larger aspects for me rather than the long term.

I know you are not happy now, but I know one day that you will be. You are an amazing person. Your talent and compassion are endless. You are smart, great with people, and getting your life into order. You have so much to offer the right person. I am more assured of your happiness than my own.

I do wish things could be different. But since they are not, I hope that after enough time has passed that we can be friends. I still want to know you are doing well and everything you accomplish in life. I think us being friends can happen and I think it will be good...but I know it will take a while.

I wish you only the best. I will miss you, but will always cherish the memories we have together. Goodbye.



Lax Guy said...

My condolences.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Michael
I'm sad our relationship has ended, but just so you and everyone else knows, I do not hate you, nor will I ever.

To Michael's family and friends, I will miss you, too, and wish you all the best.