Friday, February 27, 2009

Favorite Things

Nitrous Oxide

I was at the dentist again the other day. I think I am one of the few people that actually gets excited about the dentist because I love the laughing gas. I really don't use many state altering substances (and don't give me the whole "anything you eat alters you" know what I mean). So laughing gas is one of the only times that I totally get high. And it is awesome.

I just love feeling totally relaxed and having my mind make random connections. I feel numb and yet hypersensitive at the same time if I focus on any one part of my body. I can feel each pore and each nerve ending, I can feel my hair. I must focus to try not to let my mouth turn into a foolish grin for no good reason - I usually fail.

Through the use of laughing gas and listening to horrible lite music, my mind has come to the conclusion that indeed all music has the same hidden rhythm underneath it all. Sure I can't tell you what it is now, but every time I am at the dentist my mind is like "Aha! There it is...the sound of the universe!".

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I often feel that the chair starts moving...maybe slightly turning in circles (not in a sickening way but a good relaxing way). I often feel that it starts elevating. I know it is doing neither of these things and I know that I can open my eyes to make it stop but I love the feeling. Sometimes the dentist is out of the room long enough that I feel like the chair must have raised a mile above it's original position. I can almost feel the breeze on my face even though I don't remember breaking through the roof.

I love the feel of the cool metal on the underside of the chair's arms against my finger tips. I often find myself moving my fingers very minutely to confirm that I can still move...because my body is so heavy and the cool, slick metal sends a zap of reassuring sensation through my arms. I can almost feel the impulses travel from my fingertips, through my arm and to my brain.

Nothing has interested me more in other drugs...illegal drugs like marijuana, LSD, heroin...more than Nitrous Oxide. Not your typical gateway drug story, that's for sure. If nitrous makes me feel this good, I can only imagine how good those would make me feel. But that is what scares me and why I have never tried them. Not because I don't think I will like them but because I will...a lot. Some day maybe.

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